Ian:SHUT UP!

* Evil laugh *

Look at this little crime committing dirtbag burglar

He just broke in your house

And now he's gonna burgle the heck out of it

* disappears *

* Evil laughing*

* Anthony screaming *

*AUGH!*

And now you're dead

All because you are dumb dumb

But don't worry, there's a solution

My name is Sargent Anous

And i'm gonna teach you how to survive a home burglary

* Shiny tooth *

Let's go!

There are 2 foolproof ways to avoid being bat murdered by a burglar

Burglars always hate being killed

Here´s a weapon you can make using items found in any household!

Simply take some pvc pipe

Errrgggghhhh

A nitous oxide canister

Errrgggghhhh

A valve from massive steam-operated machinery

Errrgggghhhh

Duct tape!

Errrgggghhhh

And a butternut squash

Then you tape it all together

And bam!!!

You're ready for action bucko!

Errrgggghhhh

*Ugh!*

*Screams*

BUTTERNUT SQUASH'D!

If it doesn't work out you can always use my next method

Tire them out!

However this doesn't work if you´re lazy or morbidly obese quadriplegic

BAT MURDERED'D!

Well lets say none of these options work

In that case you need to stop that burgling burglar from getting in your house and burgling it in the first place

And in this case we use the rule of

Always

Silently

Shut

Doors

In case of

Kleptomaniacs

Or Assdick for short

You'd be surprised how many people don't think about assdick

I think about assdick all the time

*disappears*

Now there´s a man knows his assdick

ASSDICK FAIL'D!

Lets try that again

Girls Scout Cookies

Do you have the new punch flavor?

yep

ASSDICK FIST'D!

Let's try that again

Try to get through that, BIT*H!

00:02:56,460 --> 00:02:57,900 ASSDICK TO THE FACE'D!

If Assdick doesn't work for you, you only have one option left

Dress as a burglar yourself!

not bad

What the hell?

Uhh... sorry sir i am currently burglaring this house right now

No my apologies

I shall burglar elsewhere

Good day, sir!

YUSS!!!

BURGLAR BAMOOZLE'D-D-DD-D!

Stop right there you burgling burglars!

No no i'm just pretending to be a burglar

Like you told me to

No i am just dressing like a burglar like you told me to

Prove it!

Take off your masks!

See

I can't tell you two apart.

All you white people look the same.

What? We don't look nothing alike!

Bullsh*t!

Hah! That burgling scum is off the streets for good!

But just to make sure

Let's go celebrate with some Ice cream

I'll buy since I keep all my life savings

Right in this wallet!

Ag! Ow! OO! Ow! Aug!

AAAAAAAAHHHH!!!

Five Dollars?

He was RICH!!!!

HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

*Coughing*

Well, join me next week when I show you how to

Get the most likes on Instagram

By posting a picture of yourself dying

From BAT murder.......

*Click!*

Yeah! That one's going to get on the popular page for sure!

#CRAYOLO!

Bleugh!

Sergeant Anous only got 2 likes on his picture,

Both were from his mom

HASHTAG CRAYOLO!

To see bloopers and, this....

AAH!

Click the video right here!

Sorry, what was that? I have short term memory loss

From when I was eating paint

STOP RIGHT THERE!!!!!

AND Subscribe!

WHAT's THAT? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SUBSCRIBE??????!!!!!????!!!!

BULLSH*T!!!

Yeah, I don't get why people find it so weird

When a guy loves his stuffed animal

But I LIKE to get naked and laven yourself in baby oil!

Then take my teddy bear and hump it into submission until I fall asleep

WHO Cares? right? RIGHT?

RRRIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHTTTTTTT

UGH!

OWWW!