Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • Translator: Morgane Quilfen Reviewer: Denise RQ

  • Well, hello.

  • So I'm going to start with just asking you guys

  • a really simple question

  • that may take a little bit longer than two seconds to answer.

  • Have you ever personally met your soul mate?

  • (Audience) Yes.

  • Ashley Clift-Jennings: I hear some yeses, not reallys...

  • (Laughter)

  • Yeah, they're pretty hard to come by, right?

  • (Laughter)

  • So now, think about what made that person your soul mate.

  • Was it the way they looked?

  • Was it the career that they had?

  • Was it the way they connected with your soul?

  • Was it the fact they were also in the same religion?

  • There is a million different reasons

  • why we feel connected to another person in that deep way.

  • So, I grew up in a Christian environment,

  • and I was dead-set on finding my soul mate.

  • So, I knew I wasn't going to find this person in a bar, or at a club,

  • and that this person had to have really high character,

  • had to have respect for women, had to be good-looking,

  • and had to love me for who I was, because I'm kind of a unique character.

  • So, I went along life, went to an Ivy League school,

  • played soccer,

  • achieved whatever I could achieve and grasp at at that moment,

  • but one thing that always lingered

  • is that I really wanted to find this one thing, which was my soul mate.

  • So, I'm like 24, 25 years old,

  • and by this time in the Christian community,

  • it's like your eggs are probably getting cobwebby at this point.

  • (Laughter)

  • Now, we think 25, that's not too old, but back then, I felt old.

  • So one night, I was browsing on the Internet,

  • and I'm really into the Myers-Briggs personality test,

  • so I was looking up,

  • I wanted to find a guy who was an INFJ male --

  • (Laughter)

  • So, I just typed into Google, "INFJ male," right?

  • (Laughter)

  • And there were two results,

  • and one of them happened to be my future spouse.

  • (Laughter)

  • So, I had reached out to him, we met up --

  • I happened to be doing social work in Pasadena,

  • he happened to be a software developer

  • working for a start-up in Pasadena, but living in Reno --

  • and we had this amazing connection, we had this whirlwind courtship,

  • and within six months, to all of our families dismay,

  • we were married.

  • (Laughter)

  • But it made sense!

  • Our families, they got it.

  • They saw us together, and they understood,

  • "These two people are super-compatible,

  • they have a tremendous amount of respect for one another,

  • and they literally make each other better people."

  • So, he was like the yin to my yang, he was a software developer,

  • super chill, relaxed, goes at a slow pace, but a steady pace.

  • And then, I was just crazy, erratic, creative.

  • And it just worked like lock and key, just so, so, so seamless.

  • And this went along for -- I moved to Reno,

  • dropped out of grad school, moved to Reno, started working in start-ups,

  • and started doing start-uppy things with my new husband.

  • And every night, we would go out to restaurants, or bars,

  • just talk about ideas.

  • It was like TED talks all the time.

  • We just really enjoyed each other's minds.

  • And we were soul mates, literally.

  • And so, this went along, we've been married now nine years,

  • so this went along for a good while,

  • and it felt like the most peaceful time in my entire life.

  • I felt like I had a home inside this person's soul,

  • and this person lived with me, we worked together,

  • oftentimes we did projects together, we dreamed together,

  • we bought a house together, I helped him raise my step-kids together.

  • And everything just seemed, it seemed like I had won the lottery,

  • like I could check that box off, like "Found my soul mate."

  • And so, you can imagine, one day,

  • I was told something that would change my life,

  • I was told that my spouse was transgender.

  • You could probably hear a pin drop right now.

  • And my response was interesting, my first response was,

  • "You gotta be fucking kidding me."

  • (Laughter)

  • My second response was,

  • "OK, tell me more, you know, like what does this mean for us?

  • And what do you have to do to feel whole

  • and to feel like you feel good in your body?"

  • So, this was about three years ago now, and we are still married,

  • and this took me through this process of really researching,

  • what does it mean to be transgender?

  • For my spouse, it meant that she was not comfortable

  • in her male body,

  • and that she needed to medically transition.

  • Now for me, if you or anybody out there is thinking, "Shoot!"

  • You're looking at your partner right now and being like -- (Laughter)

  • "Are you going to drop this bomb on me?"

  • It's been an interesting journey,

  • I would love to say -- I was always very PC, and very open-minded,

  • and very encouraging of her transition.

  • She did give me the option, she said,

  • "You know, if this ends our relationship, I will not do this."

  • I just had a tremendous amount of respect

  • for how much she respected our marriage and me, as a human.

  • So, it's like I had all this respect for her,

  • and I wanted the best for her, and I wanted her to be whole,

  • and at the same time, I couldn't put words to it,

  • but I was feeling like somebody was dying, you know?

  • It was like somebody that I knew was going away,

  • and there was a new person coming in.

  • And part of my struggle is really real,

  • and it's really just the natural progression

  • of how one would feel when their spouse transitions.

  • And then, there's another part of it,

  • which is more like around 60% of my reaction,

  • and that's what is known as internalized transphobia.

  • And I didn't even know I had it.

  • It's very much -- Alex talked about programming

  • and what men and boys have been programmed to think about women and sexuality,

  • and I think as a society, we've been programmed to think

  • that people who don't fit into the binary,

  • who aren't men or women,

  • or who were born as a sex that they don't identify with,

  • that those people are different, or weird, or strange.

  • And so imagine, when I know this person inside and out,

  • I have been married to this person for six years by this point,

  • and I adored every fiber of this person's being.

  • So you can imagine that me, of all people, would understand

  • and realize that this is a normal person,

  • who has a very serious condition that is treatable.

  • But it was hard, because I still felt this sense of embarrassment, a little bit,

  • or shame, that we were now different.

  • Right?

  • So I had to go through my entire process, you know, this has been three years,

  • but I've had to do a lot of hard work

  • on "What does it mean to be married to somebody who is transgender?

  • What does that mean about my sexuality? Does that mean that I am now a lesbian?"

  • Because when we go out, of course,

  • people see us and they just think that we're a lesbian couple.

  • That's not entirely accurate.

  • What does it mean -- you know, we go to the gym,

  • and we go to the locker room together, and we swim together,

  • and all these things lead us to interactions with people

  • that could or could not be understanding of our situation.

  • And that was hard for me, it was hard for me to go

  • from having all this privilege

  • as a white, middle-class female, who feels OK being a female,

  • who is married to a male, so I was in a heterosexual relationship,

  • and I had all this privilege that I didn't even know that I had.

  • So, as we're going through this journey,

  • it's like we're learning new things everyday,

  • and I'm learning what words to say, what words not to say;

  • I'm learning what works in the bedroom, what doesn't work in the bedroom, right?

  • I'm relearning all sorts of things, but what I'm learning the most

  • is that a lot of my fear about my spouse changing

  • was really imposed from the outside,

  • it was really my fear of what other people would think.

  • And so now, I stand here today.

  • I am the proud wife of a transgender woman,

  • and she is still my soul mate.

  • And I would know she is my soul mate if this room was dark right now,

  • I would know how to find her in this room.

  • And I think that's the lesson to take from all this

  • is that people have a patina, they have a presence in the world,

  • they have a look, or they have a job,

  • or they have all these things that are outward-facing,

  • that everybody identifies them by and puts them into boxes;

  • that's how we categorize people when we get to know them.

  • But underneath, there's a soul,

  • and that soul is so much deeper and stronger,

  • and so much more identifiable than that patina.

  • So, my challenge to you today is,

  • "Do you know, would you even know how to recognize your soul mate?"

  • If you are going out in the world right now,

  • would you know what you are looking for?

  • Thank you very much, it's been a pleasure.

  • (Applause)

Translator: Morgane Quilfen Reviewer: Denise RQ

字幕と単語

動画の操作 ここで「動画」の調整と「字幕」の表示を設定することができます

A2 初級

ソウルメイトに出会ったことがありますか?| アシュリー・クリフト=ジェニングス|TEDxUnityofNevada (Have you met your soul mate? | Ashley Clift-Jennings | TEDxUniversityofNevada)

  • 196 9
    Amy.Lin に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
動画の中の単語