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All right, I need pho.
(gasp) Or dim sum!
Okay, it's 2 am, there's no dim sum right now.
Well then tacos, but we'd better get dim sum in the morning.
Wait, so tacos or pho?
Why can't we ever get like pancakes after drinking like white people do?
Hey, I'm offended by that! My vote's for pho.
But I would say pancakes too.
Sir, what, what is your vote?
Well, I'd say neither. Best drunk food is Seolleongtan.
You know, Korean Oxbowl noodle soup.
Okay! Okay!
I know a great spot in K-Town if you guys are interested
F*ck yeah! Let's go!
Alright y'all, see you tomorrow, bye!
Lana? What are you doing here?
- We were just at Honeycutt.

Hey Lana, let's go.
Hey, good morning.
How you feeling?
Ahhh, pretty sh- [laugh] definitely don't recover as easily when we were younger.
Um, the group's getting lunch.
Do you wanna...do you wanna join?

I'll pass.
It'll be fun and I'm sure they'll be happy to see you again. It's been a while.
Andrew, what are we doing?
You and I both know nothing's changed.

You talking about pho, or dim sum or-
Can you not joke about this?
Well, um, okay you're the one that came on to me last night, so I don't know why you're acting so serious right now.
I'm sorry. Okay, I was weak.
And intimacy was never our problem.
Right, um cool. Remind me again, what was our problem? What was I lacking so much that you just couldn't be with me?
I'm not having this argument again.
We're not even together.
- Yeah, I'm very much aware of that.

Look, there's no doubt you have a lot to offer. You got a nice condo, a stable job. You've been a very good "Asian son".
Thank you...?
- You're...

...comfortable, Andrew. You're playing it...
God, you gotta be kidding.
And as long as you get upset when you hear that instead of actually looking at your life,
there's no chance for us.
I'm sorry, again, for this.
I'll talk to you later.
[trying to save himself]
I hope you know comfortable is a good thing

People strive for comfortable. Someday you're gonna be on the spirit flight and you're gonna wish you had comfortable.
[Almost had it, man. So close]
[Slo-mo of food porn]
[OoOo is that ASMR?]
I don't like dim sum!
Dude, what??? [everyone is shocked]
I, think dim sum is...
overrated. It's just all carbs and like one tiny little piece of gooey shrimp.
Are you okay? [obviously not]
You can't not like dim sum. That makes you like a bad Asian.
Someone just told me I was too good of an Asian, so...
Okay, I think whatever type of Asian you wanna be is perfectly fine.
No, no
I agree with Tom. You are a bad Asian if you don't like dim sum.
I mean, that's like a black guy that doesn't like soul food or a white girl that doesn't like cold-pressed juice.
It's ingrained in your culture.
- You have to at least pretend to like it.

That's what I did when I first moved here.
Okay, you know what? I'm not gonna feed into these stereotypes any longer by living a lie. All right?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go visit my grandma and I'm gonna bring her pancakes
and bacon [bc who doesn't like bacon]
So, I guess he did sleep with Lana last night.
- Big-time. - What???

[rapping] Asian American aim for the perfect ballots. He came to America say hooray for the parents. Born in the States
But my grandmother raised me though before I learned to the talk. I learned the hand-water ratio.
Pancakes and bacon!
...bacon... [when they don't know what bacon is]
[so close, yet so far]
Richard, it's your favorite cousin!
DUDE! What are you doing? - I'm so sorry.
- The door was closed. Why didn't you knock? - Sorry.

sor- I can- I'll just- let you- finish?
It's fine. I'll just do it later
[erections don't go down that fast, do they?]

I'm so sorry, man.
But, you know,
you can always talk to me if you have any questions. That's what older cousins are for man.
- Naw, you can't help me.

Sure. I can I'm a guy too - man. I did the same thing.
- Really?

Did you take lessons?
- Yeah, lessons to learn how to dance.

- Yeah, dancing. What did you think I was...

[even the subtitles guy got yeeted]
No, dude ew! GROSS...
- I just-just saw two Asian girls in a dim room and...
- It was a kpop video!

Oh, how could I tell. You have a Kleenex
- This is for allergies! It's spring, dude. Jeez gross...

Why are you trying to learn how to dance?
All the Asian kids my school could dance. Apparently it's like a thing. - What, really?
- Yeah, and proms coming up,

so all the other dudes are gonna be in the dance floor doing this like Kpop routine
And I kind of wanna try something.
That's so weird. When I was your age, the stereotype was that Asians were all smart and had the best grades.
Yeah, but you're old. [roasted and toasted, sliced and diced]
You know thanks to all these Dance Crew shows and Kpop and YouTube, everyone thinks Asians can dance. In addition to being smart.
It's like they want us to be everything.
That sucks.
- Yeah, you had it easy. There were no dance beauties on YouTube yet, huh?

When I was in high school, there was no YouTube yet. [Oof]
Holy shit, you're old. [BIG OOF]
Hilarious, right?
I mean we had to grow up thinking all anyone saw us as were nerds with accents, and now they get to be freaking cool hip-hop
dancers. I take that any day.
- No, I was talking about you almost walking on in your cousin getting off.

Oh, yeah, it was seriously, right? I mean he should have been way more careful.
Kids are careless these days. They're too spoiled and they can watch porn anytime
they want. I mean, back then, I literally had to wait like 12 hours to download a 30-second clip of Leanna Scott, in 240p. [that's what I call dedication man]
Dude, I had to, like, Ocean's Eleven a plan to find the perfect window of privacy for my parents and sister.
What are you 80? Hey, I will f*cking destroy you 240p you little sh*t. [hey man, lets keep this PG. Oh wait]
It is cool, he's trying to learn how to dance though.
I mean like you said we didn't really get the chance to explore anything creative when we were younger.
I mean, can you imagine if our parents let us do something other than Kumon or Model UN?
Damn Liana Scott was hot.
- IT IS HOT! Is hot!

Thank you for not barging in this time.
- Pssh, shut up! Are you ready? - Yeah. - Let's go.

[what a god]
Dude, that was amazing. How did you do that? You were sitting on the side the whole time?
Okay, not a lot of my friends know this, but, way back when I was in high school
I was actually on a dance team. Before YouTube made it cool.
- What? Why'd you stop?

Lot of reasons. Wouldn't have been the smart choice. My parents definitely would not have supported it. Not even know I could pursue it
I never saw any Asians doing it on TV and stuff.
- Not even on, um, Myspace?

There was no Myspace when I was in high school.
- What? How old are you?

Okay, I'm not gonna bring you back next week.
- Okay. Okay. I'm just kidding. - Look,

I'm just happy for you when I saw that you were interested in learning. I don't know,
I just thought about how I played it safe trying to be a good Asian when I was your age.
And I didn't want you to do the same thing.
Yeah, well you don't play it safe anymore, right?
I mean you think so, but I don't know as you get older. It's hard to take chances-
Oh, no! - What, what?
- This video was set in 240p.

[playing along] Oh my god! - How am I supposed to post this? - I don't know. - Hold on. I got to go get the full res version
I'll be right back. Go, go... Okay
Hey, uh, Kalina, right. Yes.
Ah, you must be that guy trying to relive his high school days.
No, not not at all. My name is Andrew. I'm Richards older cousin.
Yeah, I got him these classes, but he's been kind of making fun of me for being older these days.
So I kinda showed him what's up.
- Oh

okay, so you're like a dance mom?
Holy sh*t, well yeah, I guess I am. Well he had a great time and I just want say thanks.
Aw, that's wonderful to hear.
He did really? Well you both did.
Um well, he'll see you next week.
- Okay, sounds good.

Oh and just so you know, our intermediate classes are on Thursday, so you don't have to use your cousin as an excuse to dance.
Noted, um, actually when are your advanced classes?
- Uh, let's not get ahead of ourselves, bye.

Still got it.
What's up everyone, thanks for checking out Yappie. We hope you're enjoying this series so far.
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Yappie - Ep 2 - Bad Asian

223 タグ追加 保存
蕭心瑜 2018 年 7 月 13 日 に公開
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