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  • - Hello and welcome to this tutorial.

  • (magical sounds)

  • My name is Lilly Sonch.

  • (slurps)

  • And today I wanna help you fine tune a very important skill,

  • communication? No.

  • Gratitude?

  • Absolutely not.

  • Teamwork?

  • Don't be ridiculous.

  • Today I'm here to help you strengthen your pettiness.

  • (slurps)

  • In just five easy steps, I'm hoping to take you

  • from beginner to Kermit meme status.

  • Let's begin.

  • Step one, keep track of everything.

  • Now, if you can't even remember what you had

  • for breakfast this morning, don't worry,

  • your memory is garbage, but there's a life hack.

  • Just write everything down.

  • This is my petty pad.

  • (laughs)

  • Where I write down everything everyone has done wrong,

  • complete with time and date.

  • For example, on April 14th at 4:24 p.m.,

  • Shane Dawson did not reply to my text,

  • it was delivered, I was wearing a red shirt,

  • it was a sunny day, but it's no biggie.

  • This information will come in handy

  • in the following steps.

  • Remember last Christmas when you stood beside Jessica

  • and not me when we took that one picture in front

  • of the tree?

  • - Yeah?

  • - That's all.

  • Smile!

  • (camera clicks)

  • - Dude, why didn't you respond to my text?

  • I was stranded.

  • - Well, you took 39 minutes to respond to my

  • previous text, so...

  • Step two, bring up the past.

  • Now there's a famous quote that says forgive

  • but never forget, and that's why Tumblr's trash,

  • I mean why do either?

  • (slurps)

  • I say, never forgive, never forget,

  • that way you can always bring it up.

  • (slurps)

  • - I love you.

  • - Oh, then why did you like your ex's picture in 2016?

  • Night.

  • Bringing up the past is appreciating history,

  • and if you don't agree, you don't respect your ancestors,

  • and that's a shame.

  • (laughs)

  • Step three, be passive aggressive.

  • Now the goal here is to say you're being the bigger person

  • without actually being the bigger person.

  • In other words, do not walk it like you talk it,

  • just simply talk it.

  • When you're upset, avoid doing radical things

  • like talking about it and coming to a resolution.

  • No, no, instead, let your anger seep out slowly

  • in aggravating ways.

  • - Hey babe, which tie do you think is better?

  • - Hmm, I don't know, why don't you ask

  • the waitress from last night?

  • (simple music)

  • - Hey babe, what's the Netflix password again?

  • - Oh, so now you wanna talk to me?

  • (simple music)

  • - Hey, I think I'm having an allergic reaction.

  • Are my eyes puffy?

  • - I don't know, you tell me, you're the smart one.

  • (thumps on floor)

  • (slurps)

  • Numero four, be petty in posts.

  • Centuries ago, pioneer people had to be petty

  • without the aid of social media,

  • but today, in the digital world,

  • there's countless opportunities to show

  • just how low you can go.

  • - No I can't do this anymore, okay!

  • I need some space, I'll talk to you tomorrow.

  • (simple music)

  • - Feeling so happy today, I should be an astronaut

  • because I love space so much.

  • Remember kids, when they go low,

  • you go lower, and don't forget to accidentally tag them.

  • (slurps)

  • Step five, sentence structure.

  • It's important to start every petty sentence with

  • You know, I just think it's really funny how...

  • I just think it's really funny how...

  • I just think it's really funny how

  • (slurps)

  • you're so annoying.

  • And there you have it, five easy--

  • (phone vibrates)

  • Oh, it's my dear friend Shane Dawson.

  • (phone vibrates)

  • There you have it, how to be petty

  • and never forget things from the past

  • in just five easy steps.

  • And remember, practice makes perfect.

  • (slurps) Aah.

  • (door slams)

  • (magical sounds)

  • Yo, jk, stop being petty, frickin' growth over everything.

  • If you like this video, give it a big thumbs up,

  • check out my last comedy video right over there,

  • because your life will be better if you watch it,

  • and my second vlog channel's right over there.

  • Make sure you subscribe because I make new videos

  • every Monday and Thursday.

  • One love, Superwoman, that is a wrap, and zoop,

  • just kidding, I need to call Shane back,

  • he never even called it was just all post effects!

- Hello and welcome to this tutorial.

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B1 中級

小心者になる方法101 (How To Be Petty 101)

  • 29 1
    Evangeline に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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