clean, totally cool, and soft-served straight from a sphincter.

Mmm. They're good at pooping. But you know who sucks at pooping? You do.

That's 'cause when you sit on the porcelain throne, this muscle put a kink in the hose

and stops the Ben & Jerry's from sliding out smoothly.

Is that a problem? I don't know, are hemorrhoids a problem? 'Cause sitting at this angle can

cause hemorrhoids, bloating, constipation, and a buttload of other crap.

And seriously, unicorn hemorrhoids? - The glitter gets everywhere.

But what happens when you go from a sit to a squat?

Voila-- the muscle relaxes and that kink goes away faster than Pegasus laying a sweet sherbet

dookie. Now your colon's open and ready for battle.

That's 'cause our bodies were made to poop in a squat. And now there's a product that

lets you squat in your own home.

Introducing the Squatty Potty.

No, it's not a joke. And yes, it will give you the best poop of your life, guaranteed.

I don't just mean you bloated lords and hemorrhoidal ladies -- I mean everyone.

Kink Unkink. Kink, unkink. It's simple science really.

Can't get the last scoop out of the carton?

With the Squatty Potty you get complete elimination.

Spend too much time on the chamber pot?

Squatty Potty makes you go twice as fast, or your money back.

I scream, you scream, and plop plop, baby.

Maybe you're sore from squeezing out solid globs of rocky road.

The Squatty Potty gives you a smooth stream of froyo that glides like a virgin swan.

Plus when you're done, it tucks neatly out of sight, thanks to its innovative patented

design. Truly a footstool fit for a constipated king!

So if you're a human being who poops from your butt, click here to order your Squatty

Potty today at SquattyPotty.com. You'll wish you tried it years ago.

And if you don't trust a prince, how about your Doctor? Shark Tank? HuffPost? NPR? Men's

Health? Howard Stern?--He poops from his butt.

They're all crazy about the Squatty Potty. Not to mention the 2,000 Amazon users who

gave the Squatty Potty 5 stars, including the author of this moving haiku:

“Oh Squatty Potty

You fill me with endless joy

Yet leave me empty.”

So order your Squatty Potty today. I'm not saying it will make your poop as soft as this

cookies'n'cream. But I'm not saying it won't.

Squatty Potty. The stool for better stools.

Pooping will never be the same…

And neither will ice cream.

One for you, very good. How does it taste, is that delicious?

Is that the best thing you have ever had in your life?

There you are.