(Ian) SHUT UP!

ありえないだろ

(video game: jumping and meowing)

着ぐるみで猫の能力が出せるか

This game is so unrealistic!

試した事でも？

Nobody with a cat outfit would have cat powers!

あぁ

How would you know? Have you ever tried it?

ゲームは現実じゃ今もくだらないぞ

Uh, yeah!

もしゲームの世界が現実だったら3

Whatever, video games would still suck if they were realistic!

ポータル

IF VIDEO GAMES WERE REAL 3

俺って天才

PORTAL

MASS EFFECT

(snickering)

シェパード大佐

Aaaah! I'm such a genius!

リーパーが迫っているわ

MASS EFFECT

決断を

Commander Shepard, we have to act fast!

銀河を守る　／　彼女とやる

The reapers are coming!

やらないか？

What should we do?

QWOP

SAVE GALAXY--------BANG HER

ファームヴィル

We'll bang, okay?

これがゲームなのか？

QWOP

コール・オブ・デューティ：ゴースト

(grunting idiotically)

悪党を撃て！

FARMViLLE

バトルフィールド4

(country music)

また悪党だ！

(sighs)

メダル・オブ・オナー

Okay, seriously. How the f*ck is this a video game?

KILL ZONE

CALL OF DUTY: GHOSTS

レッドファクション

-(rapid gunfire) -(Anthony grunting)

フロントライン

Shoot the bad guys!

オペレーションフラッシュポイント

(screaming)

00:01:46,320 --> 00:01:49,824 悪党を撃つしか無いのか？

BATTLEFIELD 4

無いな

-(repetitive gunfire) -KEEP SHOOTING THE BAD GUYS!

モータル・コンバット

NO SHAME!

何をしてる！

MEDAL OF HONOR

頭を引き抜くのが

(screaming) (repetative gunfire)

意外と難しくてな

KILLZONE

早くしろ 頭がクラクラする

(screaming) (repetitive gunfire)

すまん

RED FACTION: ARMAGEDDON

もういい

FRONTLINE: FUEL OF WAR

キタナのボイン見物だ

OPERATION FLASHPOINT COLD WAR CRISIS

"ボインタリティ"

RESISTANCE: BURNING SKIES

スーパーミートボーイ

FARCRY, DOOM, COUNTERSTRIKE, WOLFENSTEIN, QUAKE

スレンダー

OPERATION ARMA ARROWHEAD, TITANFALL, WII FIT U,

夜が明けてから

TOM CLANCY'S RAINBOW 6 PATRIOTS

紙を集めればよかった

-(screaming) -(rapid gunfire)

仲良くなろうよ…

Hey! Can we do anything other than just shoot bad guys?

マインクラフト

Hmmm...

"奴隷レイア"のチチは

Nope!

完成間近だ

(screaming) (rapid gunfire)

日照センサーが必要で

(Ian joins in)

レシピは？

MORTAL KOMBAT

ウィキで調べる

(Scorpion groaning in pain)

日が暮れるぞ

(announcer) Finish him!

クリーパーはごめんだ

(grunting)

必要なのは木材と…

What're you doing?!

どんな配置だ？ 棒状か？ ブロックか？

I'm trying to tear your head off,

木を一列に…

but it's a lot harder than it looks!

棒状だろうが

Can you just hurry up? I'm starting to get dizzy!

違うんだよ 木の棒とは

Okay, sorry bro!

やってられるか！

(Sub Zero grunting)

"美少女を生成"で検索と…

Aw, screw it!

サージョンシュミレーター2013

Let's just go look at Kitana's booooobs!

酔っているのか？

Okay!

大丈夫 外科医ですから

(both make lecherous noises)

少し切り開いて…と

(Scorpion) Oooh, boobies!

おっと 失礼

(both groan)

プラント VS ゾンビ

(announcer) Boobtality!

俺の最終兵器だ

SUPER MEATBOY

確かに…"くだらない"か？

(gusts of wind)

なぜ俺の言葉を…？

SLENDER

毎回同じだからな

(whimper in fear) Why didn't I just wait till daytime

急がなきゃ

to look for some stupid pages?!

"ボイストレーニング"を…

-(twigs break) -(Ian gasps)

言いまわさなくてもいいぜ

(gasps) AAAAAAH!

"マックのトイレでウンコ"は全員知ってるさ

(high pitched voice) I just wanted to be your friend!!

気を紛らわせるんだ！

MINECRAFT

大のオトナだぞ

Okay, so our 100 foot recreation

どこでしようが勝手だ！

of slave Leia's boobies is almost complete!

やらないか？

All we need now is a daylight sensor!

やらないか？

Okay, but can you tell me how to craft it?

やりたくない

Uhhh, yeah. Lemme just check the Wiki...

マジかよ！

Hurry up, it's getting dark!

やってみな！

I don't want this fricking zombie creeps--

やらないか？

Oh, here it is!

コレをさ

Okay, so, uh...we need a wood--

考えすぎたぜ

Uh, okay, like what kind of wood?

NGシーンの他…

-Like a stick or a block or a-- -No, it goes across like--

未公開"ドンキーコング"を観るなら…

-Yeah, that's called a stick! -No, it's not a stick!

左画面のリンクを"FINISH IT"だ！

Okay, I know a stick!

過去の"もしゲームの世界が現実だったら"を観るなら…

YOU KNOW WHAT?! F*CK THIS!!

右画面を"TOASTY"にしろ！

How to craft girlfriend.

チャンネル登録も忘れるな！

SURGEON SIMULATOR 2013

忘れたらお前の顔面を溶かし

Dude, what the hell?!

色々と破裂させ 色々と残酷技を…

Are you drunk or something?!

Trust me! I'm a surgeon!

[inaudible]

(trails off)

(whirring)

(surgeon grunts)

Okay, just need to make a small incision right--

Oh! Ooh. My bad, bro.

PLANTS VS. ZOMBIES

Time to bust out my secret weapon!

(grunting)

(zombie) Eh?!

-Oh, sh*t! -(zombies grunt angrily)

AAAAAAH! NOOOOO!

-Yeah, I guess-- -That would suck?

How did you know what I was gonna say?!

'Cause you always say the same goddamn thing.

(cellphone goes off)

Oh crap, um...I have to run, dude.

I have choir practice.

Yeah. Okay, dude, we all know "choir practice"

just means going poop in the McDonald's bathroom.

It just feels better, okay?!

(whining)

I'm a grown ass man!

I can McPoop whereever I McWant, McBitch!

-Whoa! -We'll bang, okay?

What?!

We'll bang, okay?

No! No, no! I don't wanna bang, okay?!

No! No! No! Oh...uh...

No way!

(grunts) Ooh!

(grunts) Ha ha! Try to bang me now, biiitch!

(laughs idiotically)

Hah hah, idiot!

Oh...

-We'll bang, okay? -WAAAAAAAH!

This video was made possible by this show's only [inaudible].

Give 'em lots of love, yeah!

(gun shot) We just banged, okay?

Huh. That wasn't so bad!

To see bloopers--

(screaming sans gunfire)

And a deleted Donkey Kong scene--

Eat barrel, Mario!

-(Donkey Kong grunts) -(Mario yells)

Brutally rip the spine out of the video on the left!

To see more If Video Games Were Real episodes--

(neighbor) What?!

Hey, what the hell are you doing with my stuff?!

I'm looking for rupees!

AAH! AAH!

Savagely destroy the video on the right's face.

Oh, look! A subscribe button!

You'd better click it till its...face melts

off and...blood squirts out of...its ears.

And other brutal Mortal Kombat stuff like that.