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  • -Congrats on the book. -Thank you.

  • -This is "The Last Black Unicorn."

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Very personal, very funny.

  • Really, read this front to back. You will laugh.

  • There is a story in here about you at a bar mitzvah.

  • Do you know what I'm talking about?

  • -Yes, I do know what you're talking about.

  • -I couldn't believe -- I didn't know where it was going.

  • Were you, like, a hype man for a bar mi--

  • -I was the energy producer. My title is energy producer.

  • My job is to produce energy.

  • I get the party hype. See what I'm saying?

  • The party be right here, I bring it up to there!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Like, the party be, like, everybody chillin',

  • like, just, "Yeah, we're eating."

  • I'm like, "Get up! Put them lox down!

  • It's time to dance! Mazel tov!"

  • -[ Laughs ]

  • -Mazel tov. -"L'chaim!" Yes.

  • -Mazel tov. -Yeah.

  • ♪♪ Hava nagila ♪♪

  • ♪♪ Hava nagila, hava ♪♪

  • [ Audience clapping rhythmically ]

  • -All right. Yeah. Really.

  • -Yeah, I turned it up.

  • -So you're an energy producer.

  • -Yeah, I was an energy producer.

  • -Energy producer. -Yeah, yeah.

  • So you produced energy.

  • -I produced energy, so I might tell jokes, I emcee,

  • I'd get choreographed routines, like, get the party --

  • just get the party going

  • 'cause, you know, it's teenagers and, like, old people,

  • and you try to get them all to come together

  • and dance and party.

  • -All right. -Which is difficult.

  • -So, yeah, but you -- -But I did it. I got --

  • I toured the whole country doing it.

  • -You did? -Yeah. Yeah, the whole country.

  • I was killing it.

  • -So, you're at one in particular.

  • -Yeah, oh, so I was at this one party in particular

  • where there was an older gentleman --

  • he had to be, like, in his 80s or whatever --

  • and I got up and said, "Come on, grandpa! Let's dance!"

  • And I grabbed him by his tie and we were dancing and stuff

  • and having a good time.

  • And then I decided to turn it around on him

  • and drop it like it's hot, give him that booty action.

  • You know? And you just like, "Bop-bop!"

  • -Oh, all right. All right, all right, all right.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • How old was this gentleman?

  • -He had to be in his 80s.

  • And I'm dancing, I'm dancing, he's smiling and everything,

  • and I turned around on him and I'm dancing.

  • I look at the people's face in front of me,

  • and their faces were going like this, and then went...

  • [ Laughter ]

  • And I was like, "What?" And I turned around,

  • and he was on the ground on his back.

  • And I was like, "Oh, shoot!" Like --

  • They were trying to, like, revive him.

  • They ended up taking him to the hospital, and...

  • [ Sighs ]

  • ...he passed away.

  • [ Audience gasps, laughs ]

  • [ Sad tuba notes play ] And I was like --

  • I didn't want to dance no more.

  • I felt like this ass is deadly, you know?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • I -- My moves are killer, I got killer moves, you know?

  • So I didn't dance for months.

  • And then my boss is trying to get me back out there.

  • He's like, "Come on, Tiff. Come on."

  • I'm like, "I can't do it.

  • And then I got a letter from the guy's daughter,

  • saying, like, "Thank you so much."

  • Like, that's the happiest they had seen him.

  • They hadn't seen him have that much fun

  • or smile that much in so long,

  • and they sent me a little tip, like, a check with a tip,

  • and I was like, "Well, I guess I got to get

  • back on the floor again."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "I'm bringing joy."

  • -And you're bringing joy to the world.

  • -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

  • So another six years after that, I kept dancing.

  • You know, I was killing it. I did it 11 years total.

  • -Man, oh, man. -Yeah, there's probably a lot

  • of video footage of me just killin' it at the mitzvahs.

  • -Man, you got to put the time in.

  • Killin' it at the mitzvah.

  • -"Killin' It at the Mitzvah." That's a movie.

  • -"Killin' It at the Mitzvahs" is a movie, yeah.

  • I got to say, "Girls Trip," you were unbelievable,

  • I mean, with a great cast.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Latifah was on the show,

  • and she said to me, "Dude, write her name down --

  • Tiffany Haddish. Wait till you see what this girl is.

  • She's unbelievable. If you don't know her, write her name down.

  • She's going to be" -- And I was like, "Okay, okay."

  • And man, oh, man, was she right. You are just killing it.

  • -Thank you. -You are fantastic.

  • -Thank you. -Love you.

  • -Thank you. Thank you. -Everyone loves you.

  • -I mean, Latifah and Jada and Regina,

  • they made it such an awesome work environment

  • where they just allowed me to be me.

  • We all were, like, pretty much ourselves

  • and just really having fun.

  • And those women are the best co-workers I've ever had.

  • Like, they are amazing women,

  • and they allowed me to be myself.

  • They wasn't haters or nothing. Like, they was --

  • Latifah was always like, "Go, Tiffany, go for it. Go."

  • I was like, "You sure? You think I'ma get in trouble?"

  • She like, "Just do that [bleep]

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Yeah, man. You more than held your own, man.

  • You were great. -Yeah.

  • -And now, "The Last O.G.,"

  • biggest in the history of comedy on TBS ever,

  • in the history of the network.

  • -Wow. -Well done. Not bad, pal.

  • -Well, you know -- [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -[ Imitates punches landing ]

  • Unh! Unh! Unh!

  • -My goal in life is to make history.

  • You know, I always wanted to be

  • the first black woman to do something,

  • and I'm, like, killin' that right now.

  • -[ Laughs ] You are. Definitely.

  • You are definitely, man.

  • How is our pal Tracy Morgan? I mean, he's --

  • -He's awesome. -He's the best, man.

  • -He's, like, always trying to give me advice.

  • -Yeah.

  • -"Tiffany, listen to me. You know I change your life.

  • Okay? I'll change it."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • You know what Tracy's always telling me?

  • He like, "Girl, you getting on my last nerve.

  • I'ma mess around and get somebody to get you pregnant

  • so you calm down."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -He said that to me. He said that to me, too.

  • Yeah, yeah. He says it to me all the time.

  • -"Calm down." -"Jim."

  • He always call-- "Jim." -"Jim."

  • -Jim. -Yeah.

  • -He's the best. The idea of the show is funny.

  • It's basically, he grew up in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn,

  • he goes to jail, and he comes back to Brooklyn,

  • and now it's what it is now, kind of...

  • -Yeah. It's different.

  • -[ As Sara ] It's different now. -Yeah.

  • -And, uh, it's not the Brooklyn he once knew.

  • -Yeah.

  • -Who has the kombucha?

  • -[ Effeminate voice ] Who has the kombucha?

  • Guess which one's the best kombucha?

  • -We're eating seaweed now! -They're both good!

  • They're both good. -Yes!

  • -I made artisanal pickles.

  • -[ Laughing ] Yes.

  • -[ Normal voice ] Um...

  • -What is kombucha?

  • -Oh, I tried it once. I don't know what it is.

  • It's like...

  • -Old-ass tea?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Yes. It's old-ass tea. -It tastes like old tea

  • with soda in it.

  • Like, who put Sprite in this old-ass tea?

  • -No, I -- I want to show a clip.

  • Here's Tiffany Haddish [Laughs] Tracy Morgan in "The Last O.G."

  • Airs Tuesday nights at 10:30 on TBS.

  • Check this out, please. Oh, my goodness.

  • -What do you want?

  • -I'm just saying hello.

  • -Tray, stop calling me.

  • -When can I meet the kids, Shay?

  • -You want to see the kids? My kids?

  • -Our kids. -Oh, I don't know.

  • How about when you get a job

  • or volunteer at a community center?

  • Something.

  • In other words, make something of yourself.

  • All the adults in my kids' lives are positive role models,

  • and I very much want to keep it that way.

  • -So it would probably be a waste of time

  • to ask you to show your booty on camera, huh?

  • -Boy... -Shay, wait a minute.

  • -Get off my phone!

  • -Oh, my gosh. Tiffany Haddish! [ Cheers and applause ]

-Congrats on the book. -Thank you.

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A2 初級

ティファニーのハディッシュはバーミツバーで老人の上で踊って老人を殺した (Tiffany Haddish Killed an Old Man by Dancing on Him at a Bar Mitzvah)

  • 44 3
    Cyndi に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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