What's happening?

It's a little early birthday gift for you.

Oh, wow.

Just what effort you went to.

That's from right on the lot, Pequito Mas.

[LAUGHS]

It was easy.

Thank you so much.

That's so nice of you.

You're welcome.

This is my birthday gift?

[LAUGHTER]

It is, from me.

Yeah.

I hope you get something else.

Yeah.

[LAUGHS] OK.

I couldn't give you the house.

Yeah, I'm waiting for your house.

I wanted to--

Ellen wanted to buy my house a few years ago for Porsche.

Yes.

So her birthday is next week.

So maybe--

[LAUGHTER]

My wife would kill me.

Really?

You don't even use it!

You're not even there.

I do.

I use it a little bit.

It's a tiny little house, and it's a great house.

And I'm envious.

I'm not envious that often, but I'm envious of this house.

Well, I was going through your book backstage on your homes.

Yeah.

You're doing OK.

Yeah.

[LAUGHTER]

That's a beautiful book.

Yes.

And that home, if I owned it, would be in that book.

Can you imagine?

[LAUGHTER]

Yes.

I would add it to my book.

So thank you for the birthday gift.

And--

I have to say, I'm a little insecure today,

because normally--

I've been on the show a number of times,

and I've always had some funny things

that happened to me that were said in a way, but funny.

Do you know-- OK.

If you didn't know this-- so Brittany Spears goes up

to him in an airport and says, "Can I get a picture?"

And he just thinks she's some girl that wants a picture.

[LAUGHTER] So he takes the picture, and this goes viral.

It goes-- and he has no idea who she is.

[LAUGHTER]

[APPLAUSE]

I mean, look at--

he's thrilled.

Look at his face.

He is absolutely--

And so the next day, my manager sent me this and said,

"There's 53,000 likes."

I said, "Who is it?"

[LAUGHTER]

First of all, I didn't even know what likes was.

He had to tell me what it was.

He said, "That's Brittany Spears."

I said, "Oh my God."

But anyway, there was--

I have a similar story.

OK.

And that was some years ago, I went

to my favorite Italian restaurant in the evening,

and it was getting dark.

And I recognized a friend of mine

who was sitting out front with his wife,

and there was a kid sitting next to him with his wife,

I assumed.

But I couldn't see them well.

It was getting dark, and I sat down.

And the kid that I thought I knew, but wasn't sure,

it was a black kid, and he was talking on a cell phone.

So I'm now talking to my other friend, and he says, "Ed,

would you say hello to my brother?

He's a huge fan, and he wants to say--"

now I hate this, because you don't

know who you're talking to.

And I said, "Yeah, sure.

I'll say hello."

So I get the phone, I said, "Hi."

"Hi, Mr. O'Neill.

Oh my God, I love your work."

And I said, "Thank you, thank you very much."

"Yes, and I hope you're successful in everything

you try to do.

And I really watch."

I said, "Thank you very much, thank you.

Listen, I got to go now.

See you."

And I hand the phone back to the kid.

And he gives me kind of a funny look like, "That was weird."

And my friend says, "So, Randy, what are you going to do--

you're going out of town next week?"

And I go, "Randy?

Randy Jackson."

It was Michael Jackson.

[AUDIENCE GROANS]

Yeah, got to go, Michael.

Don't--

[LAUGHTER]

Not, "I love your work."

Not "Geez, haven't you had a wonderful career?"

Just, "Yeah, hey, you know, I got to go."

[LAUGHTER]

Wow.

That was--

Yeah, no, that's sad.

[LAUGHTER]

That's a sad story.

I mean, it is-- you're right.

You have sad and funny stories.

It's a mixture.

Yeah.

And then I had another one too.

Who?

I went to Sarah Hyland's birthday party,

and this beautiful young woman came up to me.

Now when I go to these things, I don't look at people closely.

It's sort of-- it's a bit overwhelming

if there's a lot of people there you don't know.

Some celebrities.

And so this woman came up to me and said, "Hi," again.

"Nice to meet you."

And I would say, "Hi, yes.

Nice to meet you."

And I know she's famous, but I can't place her.

It's "You want a selfie?

Let's do a selfie."

I said, "Sure."

So I do, and then I text my daughter Sophia,

because she tells me--

Who that was.

--who that was.

And I said, "I desperately need to know a name,

so that when I leave and say the name."

Yeah.

"Wonderful to meet you."

And so I don't know if you have the picture.

[LAUGHTER]

And she said, "I'm having you committed."

[LAUGHTER]

So you really didn't recognize Taylor Swift?

No.

No.

I mean, again, I only see them when they're performing,

you know?

Yes.

So when you see them in the backyard--

Yeah.

I wasn't-- I thought it's a pretty girl, but I--

Yeah.

You see, I'm-- and again, it's old.

I'm getting old.

No, it's not old.

I do-- no.

And I think it's just we meet a lot of people,

and I'm sure you get the same thing.

Like people go, "Ellen!"

And I don't know if they're, "Ellen!" because they know me,

or "Ellen!" because they're fans.

And so I go, "Oh, hey!"

And I don't know that balance of how to say, "Hey, I know you,"

or "I don't."

Well, I did say "Nice to meet you, Taylor," when I--

Yes.

--left the party.