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  • Good Morning John. I think by now you know, and the people who are watching this know,

  • that I like funny stuff, and I like nerdy stuff. And so today, I'm going to do a video

  • about funny, nerdy stuff. This is 31 jokes for nerds.

  • This is hilarious, and also true: if a pizza has a radius 'z' and a depth 'a' that pizza's

  • volume can be defined Pi*z*z*a.

  • Knock knock. Who's there? To. To who? No, no, no. To whom.

  • As my chemistry teacher always said, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the

  • precipitate.

  • Argon walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve noble gasses here!" Argon

  • doesn't react.

  • The past, the present, and the future all walk into a bar at the same time. It was tense.

  • How many computer programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Whoa, no, that's

  • a hardware problem.

  • I'll be honest, particle accelerators totally give a hadron.

  • Oh yeah? Well electro-negativity totally gives me a permanent dipole.

  • Humanities Major: "Hi, nice to meet you! What do you do for a living?" CompSci Major: "I

  • work with Unix." Humanities Major: "Oh my god! That's, that's horrible. We have to organize

  • some kind of rally to help those poor men!"

  • Eunichs/Unix. And now it is the time for some nerdy pick up lines.

  • Hey baby, if I were a particle and you were a quantum potential, would you let me penetrate

  • your classically forbidden region?

  • Baby, I wish I was your derivative so I could lie tangent to your curves.

  • Having been a chemistry major, I can assure you that this is the only one that actually

  • works. Um. Hey, does this smell like chloroform? Yeah, that might've gone too far.

  • Hey baby, why don't we go back to my place and I can show you the exponential growth

  • of my natural log?

  • Nerdy pick up lines end here.

  • Man walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Give me ten times the number of drinks everybody

  • in here is drinking." And the bartender says, "Now that, my friend, is an order or magnitude."

  • How many ears does Spock have? Three. A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

  • What do I have in common with neutrinos? Uh, we're both constantly penetrating your mom.

  • Even though, you know, your mom's so fat, that her patronus is a cake.

  • And she's so ugly not even fluorine would bond with her.

  • Now you might think that the glass is half full, and you might think that the glass is

  • half empty, but engineers know that the glass is actually two times larger than it needs

  • to be.

  • Politicians, on the hand, have assured me that the glass would be more empty if the

  • opposition were in charge.

  • While surrealists think that the glass is half of a slowly rotting lemon.

  • And physicists, well they happen to know that you can never know how much water is in the

  • glass because just by measuring it youve changed the outcome.

  • How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to screw in the lightbulb

  • and the other to hold the peni- the ladder, THE LADDER!

  • René Descartes was drinking some beer in a bar, and the bartender asked him, “Would

  • you like another?” and Rene Descartes said, “I think not.” Wait no! Wait, ohhh noo

  • The majority of people have an above average number of legs. Think about it! It’s true.

  • How did the constipated mathematician solve his problem? He, uh, he just worked it out

  • with a pencil.

  • A Higgs-Boson particle goes into a church and the preacher says, “Higgs-Boson’s

  • aren’t allowed in here. You call yourself the God particle; that’s sacrilegious! The

  • Higgs-Boson particle says, “If you don’t allow Higgs-Boson particles, how do you have

  • mass?”

  • There are two types of people in the world: those who can extrapolate from incomplete

  • data

  • What do The Force and duct tape have in common? Well, there’s a dark side and a light side,

  • and they both hold the universe together.

  • Heisenberg and Schrödinger are driving in a car and they get pulled over. The police

  • officer asks, “Do you know how fast you were going?” Heisenberg says, “Well, not

  • really but I can tell you exactly where I was.”

  • The officer thinks that this peculiar response is grounds for a search, and he finds a dead

  • cat in the trunk, and he says, “Do you guys know that there’s a dead cat in your trunk?”

  • and Schrodinger says, “Well, I do now!”

  • There you have it! 31 Jokes for nerds in less than 4 minutes. John, I will see you on Friday.

  • End screen! Please let me know what your favorite joke was. They were numbered; you can just

  • leave the number, and if there are any that you didn’t get, which is likely, please

  • ask in the comments. Probably somebody will come along and let you know the nerdy thing

  • you do not know about. It’s all about self improvement here at the Vlogbrothers, becoming

  • more nerdy every day of your life. That’s actually a really good tag line!

  • And if you have any other jokes, nerdy or otherwise, please leave them in the comments

  • because I do like making these videos, and I do like stealing your jokes. And, of course,

  • there are videos around. If you liked this video, chances are you enjoy those as well.

  • DFTBA.

Good Morning John. I think by now you know, and the people who are watching this know,

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NERDSのための31のジョーク! (31 Jokes for NERDS!)

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    JJ0417 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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