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It's not an illustrious category to belong
to of course, but there are plenty of us at
least. We worry about work, money, being left,
illness, disappointing, over-promising, madness
and disgrace, just to start the list. We worry
in the early hours, we worry on holiday, we
worry at parties and we worry all the time
while we're trying to smile and seem normal
to good people who depend on us. It can izeel
pretty unbearable, at moments. A standard
approach when trying to assuage our blizzard
of worries is to look at each in turn and
marshal sensible arguments against their probabilities.
But it can, at points, also be helpful not
to look at the specifics of every worry and
instead to consider the overall position that
worry has come to occupy in our lives. There
is a hugely fascinating sentence on the topic
in an essay by the great English psychoanalyst
Donald Winnicott: 'The catastrophe you fear
will happen has in fact already happened.'
When we worry, we are naturally fixated on
what will occur next: it's the future, with
its boundless possibilities for horror, that
is the natural arena for exploration by our
panicked thoughts. But in Winnicott's unexpected
thesis, something else is revealed: the disaster
that we fear is going to unfold is actually
behind us. There is a paradox here: why do
we keep expecting something to happen that
has already happened? Why don't we better
distinguish past from present? Winnicott's
answer that it's in the nature of traumatic
events from childhood not to be properly processed
and as a result, like the dead who have not
been adequately buried and mourned, to start
to haunt us indiscriminately in adulthood.
But they do not make themselves felt in straightforward
For example, we may panic
that we are about to be humiliated and shamed.
There are no particularly strong grounds for
this in objective reality, but we are utterly
convinced nevertheless, because this is precisely
what happened to us when we were tiny and
at the hands of a parent. Or we worry intensely
that we are about to be abandoned in love
not because our partner is in any significant
way disloyal, but because someone who once
looked after us at a very vulnerable point
definitely was. A benefit of understanding
how much our worries owe to childhood is a
new sense that it isn't so much the future
we should be distressed about as the past.
We can replace dread and apprehension with
something sadder yet ultimately more redemptive:
mourning. We can feel profoundly sorry for
our younger selves as an alternative to being
panicked for our future selves. Appreciating
the childhood legacy of worries, we also stand
to realise that we can adapt and improve on
how we respond to what alarms us. If we have
been well parented, we will have been bequeathed
a repertoire of good moves to latch on to
when crises occur: we know how to reach out,
seek help, perhaps move away and only take
as much responsibility as we are due. We have
access to a corridor through our troubles.
But when we have lacked this kind of tutelage,
we remain in significant ways, in relation
to our troubles, like the frightened children
we once were. We may be tall, drive a car
and sound like a grown-up, but faced with
concerns, resort to our toolkit of childlike
solutions: we overreact, we go silent, we
scream, we have a little sense of other options,
we feel extremely limited in our powers of
protest and agency, we lose all perspective.
To which it is appropriate, and in no way
patronising, to remind ourselves of what can
– in our deeper psychological selves – still
be an entirely implausible thought: that we
are now adults. In other words, in response
to the kinds of terror we knew so well at
the age of four or eight, we don't have
to be either as afraid or as powerless as
we were. We can mount a direct protest, we
can make an eloquent case for ourselves, we
can complain and defend our position, we can
rebuild our lives in a new way elsewhere.
There are two ways to mitigate risk: to try
to remove all risk from the world. Or to work
on one's attitude to risk. Knowing that
many of our fears have childhood antecedents
as do our responses to them can free us to
imagine that history won't have to repeat
itself exactly. Adult life doesn't have
to be as terrifying as our childhoods once
were and our responses to our fears can have
some of the greater vigour and confidence
that is the natural privilege of grown-ups.
We'll still be worried a substantial portion
of the time, but perhaps with a little less
fragility and fewer burning convictions of
total upcoming catastrophe. Thank you for
commenting, liking and subscribing. We also
offer, books, games, homeware and therapy
sessions. To find out more, follow the link
on your screen now.
コツ：単語をクリックしてすぐ意味を調べられます！

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B1 中級 英

Why We Worry All the Time and How to Cope

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Wei-Ting Chou 2018 年 3 月 16 日 に公開

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