But when I'm not hiding, I'm usually just getting by,

Like a lot of other moms.

All the moms really.

Some days I feel like a fierce warrior mother, you know.

And the other days I feel like, well,

like I'm just hiding under the bed.

I love doing research, but some of the best tips I've gotten

Have been from other mommas.

Now momming is my favorite topic,

and I want to share what I know.

I'm here with the proud new owner of a tiny human, Katie Lowes.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Today, we're going to talk about the good, the bad,

and the ugly of motherhood.

But mostly, the ugly.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

How did you feel when you first got home?

Because I just felt this pressure.

Like, I totally loved him, but I loved him in an abstract way.

Like, I also felt like I brought him home, and I was like,

who is this stranger in my house?

Who am I?

I'm just supposed to be a mom now.

I felt the same way, and I don't feel like anyone talks about that.

It is a stranger.

As humans, we make connections through experiences.

I had had no experiences with this person.

Thank God.

Because I was like, oh my gosh,

I'm going to be a terrible mother.

I have no motherly instincts.

I look down at his little, sweet face.

Thank God he's cute, because he's, like,

ripping my nipples off.

But, I would get so mad when I would

get a text from a mom being like,

Are you so blissed out right now?

And I was like, excuse me.

No.

It is a little bit strange to go from like, an autonomous woman

to then all of a sudden being a food truck.

Because that's essentially what you are.

That's exactly what you are.

Isn't it crazy how much of your nipple and your boob

has to go in their mouth?

They're biting a burger.

Yes!

They go.

You've got to flatten it out and put half of it

in their throat...

Otherwise, the latch is wrong.

And if the latch is wrong,

Ouch.

Game over.

Game over.

That's, like, the size of my nipple

when I was breastfeeding, I feel like.

Oh, yeah.

You have to put half of this

[LAUGHTER]

in the baby's mouth.

You don't just put that part in the baby's mouth.

You've got to put this whole thing... you've got to...

Squeeze it?

Perfect.

The other thing I'm having with breastfeeding, a little bit,

is like, I can't believe it.

Because I really feel like part of me

is this earth mother who just going

to have her boobs out everywhere,

breastfeed in public.

But then, I'm not that person.

I've been like covering up.

I think that's so normal, first of all.

I think, especially because you're kind of a people

pleaser, just like I am.

But I got into this weird zone in my head

After I had my kid, where I went,

No. I'm sorry, but my kid is more important than your discomfort about a boob.

I just really need to free the nipple.

Free the [BLEEP] nipple.

Nipple.

Do you know what Mastitis is?

Yeah.

I live in fear of Mastitis.

I'm constantly giving myself checks.

I've had Mastitis three times.

What?!

It's the worst.

If it gets to be an infection,

It can spread to your bloodstream and you can actually...

it's very dangerous.

I had to get on antibiotics twice,

which, look, I'm pretty crunchy.

I don't love antibiotics.

Sure, sure sure.

But, you know what I like more than antibiotics?

- Life. - Life.

The third time I had it, I was in Atlanta.

We couldn't call a doctor.

And this was right after the baby stopped nursing.

So what do you do?

Oh!

Kristen.

Oh my God.

So I said to my husband, I said,

I'm going to need you to suck this out.

We could talk about it.

We could be weird about it.

Or you could just go ahead and nurse.

Right?

Did he?

Yes!

And did it work?

Yeah, he pulled it out.

He had...

An incredible latch.

He had a cup next to him.

Ugh.

He was pulling out and spitting into this cup.

And I've never been more in love in my life.

And he spits.

He doesn't swallow.

Yeah, he spits.

He doesn't swallow.

That's what I figured out.

I haven't tried my breast milk yet.

Everybody does that.

It's tasty.

OK.

When was this yield?

This was pumped, I think, this morning.

That's a nice thick yield.

I did have Mallomars last night.

Are you getting that?

I had like two Mallomars last night.

No, I'm not getting much of a scent,

but I bet you this is going to be dreamy milk.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, that's nice and thick.

It's got legs.

Yes.

OK.

I'm just taking a small sip.

OK.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Whoa.

Is it... what does it taste like?

Sweet.

Yeah, right?

Very sweet.

Like, like, vanilla sweetened almond milk.

Yeah.

I just, like, leaked for the first time this weekend.

Yeah.

Like through my clothes.

It was like... yeah, it was really...

you would be proud of that moment.

I am proud of you.

I was horrified.

I got to change my mental state.

What are you horrified?

That is your super power!

You are doing something extraordinary.

You are able to make another human being survive

Ｗith this liquid gold.

It's my superpower!