Yes, I am Daniel. Are you Jo?

Yeah, I am. Nice to meet you.

Lovely to meet you too, Jo. How are you?

Yeah, good.

Oh God, can you smell that?

What is that?

No, is it the food?

I could smell her coming.

When we shook hands, her hands were really oily.

It was a little bit… yeah, it was quite strange.

Erm, so I'm gonna get, erm…

I'm just gonna go straight in for burgers.

You have to order your chips separately.

It's a bit annoying, but they're really good.

Shall we share a salad?

I'm not that fussed about salad,

but like crack on by all means.

OK.

Yeah.

Coleslaw?

Yeah, I might put some in the bur…

yeah actually, let's get salad and colseslaw

and I could put some in with my burgers.

In with the burgers.

Yeah, adds to the texture.

Oh God, that went all over the table, erm…

Erm, so

Oh sorry, I think you actually just got a little bit on me.

Oh here, do you want to use my tissue?

Yeah, OK. Thanks.

I just used it once.

Oh God, that's really sticky.

Not really for me if I'm honest.

Her personal hygiene was… it was pretty gross.

So what do you do Daniel? Tell me about yourself.

I…

I'm just gonna… sorry I'm just gonna…

you've got a bit of erm…

Burger on your plate I'm gonna…

Here, try some of this?

Oh.

This is really nice.

Here, here, yeah… open wide, open wide, great.

It's really salty.

Yeah, it's nice to have… well seasoned.

What, the lettuce?

Yeah, so what do you…

what is it that you do again Daniel?

I can't remember if you told me or not.

I work in advertising actually.

Wow, fancy. Yeah, what does that mean?

We work with lots of different accounts.

We have… we work with an Italian restaurant chain.

We actually have a brand of tissues as well.

Really?

Yeah, which you might be interested in.

Oh.

It did not. She dropped a burger on the floor,

and picked it up and carried on eating,

midway through the date.

Ooh, delicious, yeah.

I'm just gonna ask to get some mayo

and ketchup and stuff cos I like all the sauces.

Well, we've got two bottles.

Oh, OK. Cool.

Let me just…

Oh, God…

Waste not, want not.

Ooh, but that fell on the floor.

It's alright. I'm sure it's clean.

I was gonna say actually, you've got…

You also have a little bit on your face.

…there?

Er… yeah, and on the other side.

Yeah.

It's all over.

It's quite charming though, isn't it?

Kind of endearing, isn't it?

That I've got food all over my face.

Kind of, kind of…

There won't be a second date, no.

There most certainly won't.