the heart of expansion they are

the most contrasting experiences in our life.

Meaning they cause the greatest

joy and also the greatest suffering.

There are other means for our

personal expansion and as

such, in our relationships, we

need to learn how to

allow for that change,

any kind of personal evolution needs change.

So to have a harmonious relationship, we need to learn how to evolve together.

instead of evolve apart.

Another way of saying this is

that we need to find a way

to cultivate harmony while allowing

that change to take place talk

about difficult what we are

talking about is unconditional love and

unconditional love is an exchangeable concept with alignment.

So we may practice

unconditional love the art

of finding it for lifetime

upon lifetime is the practice

even for those of us who

are the most of all on the planet.

I compiled an itemized list

of the most important keys or

tips for helping

that harmony take place, you can

this but if you have

a successful relationship, whether this

relationship is romantic in nature or photonic in nature.

Step one cultivate unconditional

love instead of attachment.

What most of the people call

love or fall in love,

is not actually love, it's attachment.

Unconditional love, is the

state of being purely positively focused

in an attitude of appreciation for

something that we're paying attention to.

It means that in this moment

I'm purely focused on that

which I enjoy looking at relative to you.

That's much different than what

we actually call love on

a normal day to day basis in the society.

What we're calling love, which

is actually attachment, is the need for another person.

What that means is, you fulfill

some need which I don't

feel capable of fulfilling for

myself and so I

feel a void when you're

not around because the absence

of you means that need will be unfulfilled.

And thus my happiness is dependent

on what you do and don't do.

That is attachment that's not actual unconditional love.

We will lead happier

lives if we can get

into the modality of

unconditional love and provide

our needs for ourselves, we find

that there're healthy ways so that

we can [xx] seeking them through other people.

Now, before you go

ahead and feel bad about yourself

because you you haven't mastered this yet.

I want you to stop and think

for a minute how many people

do actually know that if mastered unconditional love?

People who can remove their own

happiness from what other people

do or don't do to them

to afford them, no one right?

Myself included, I actually don't

know or a single person incarnated on

this earth who is in

an aspect of unconditional love 24

hours a day and even those

who I know who're pretty good at

culturing that botanical relationship still

have not have mastered it when

it comes to romantic relationships so

no more expecting yourself to

reach some level of perfection, this

is a practice, it's a

practice for every single one of

us, no matter how involved

you think you are you still

got more to go when it comes to unconditional love.

I want to be very clear that

this does not mean that you

need to learn how to stay in

a relationship with people who harm

you or who you

don't actually feel enjoyment by

being around just for the

sake of learning how to unconditionally

love because this is

not unconditional loving to yourself,

it simply means you can only

know unconditional love when that

love and your happiness is not

conditional upon what other people

do or don't do we

cultivate unconditional love in

the state of non-attachment by providing

that love for our selves

and by providing needs for ourselves

and by finding ways to

make ourselves happy, separate of

what other person in our

experience does or does not do.

All spiritual practice is dedicated

towards discovering how to

unconditionally love every single

thing you do that gets you

more happiness, every single thing

you do that brings you more

peace, everything that in

the spiritual self help guru

type is going to teach you,

it's going to hep you

come into contact with learning how to unconditionally love.

So like I said, your quest

towards enlightenment is the same

thing as the quest towards

unconditionally loving, so literally

anything you do that benefits

your life is going to

be helping you to match this

particular tip of  unconditional

love versus attachment when it

comes to culturing successful relationships

Tip number two, cultivate love for yourself.

Your relationships are nothing

more than a mirror of

the relationship you have with yourself.

It is impossible for you to

be in any relationship that is

not an exact mirror of

some aspect of your relationship

with you, so if you improve

the relationship with you, all of

your relationships externally are going

to change to match that

new improved state of attitude that you hold towards yourself.

So if you want to

start having better relationships, you've got

to start thinking thoughts, saying things

and taking actions which are

in alignment with self love which

are in alignment with your highest good.

At the heart of every major relationship

problem is a problem between you and yourself.

When self concept is damaged, your

relationships be sure of

damaged as well and nothing

works faster to improve your

relationships than improving your

quality and quantity of love for yourself.

I have written a book about

how to love yourself which is

currently seeking a publisher but

many self help guru type

talk about how to love

yourself, they talk about

how to go about doing things

in life structuring the way you

are thinking differently, so you can be more self loving.

I would try any and all

of them that you can find because, it

never hurts to try something, you just might find something that works.

Tip number three, work to

discover and to release

your fears related to relationships.

There is nothing that damages relationship

or your life experience in general

more so than fear, and there

is not a single human being incarnated

on this planet that does not

have some kind of

fear relative to relationships and relative to love.

You might have heard the expression, we are all fools in love.

There is an actual biological reason why.

Human are born about three

month premature, If we

were born completely developed the way

that other mammals are we

would not be able to fit through the mother's birth canal.

Because we are born immature, we

have absolutely no way of

meeting our need in the

first few months of life, and

so our survival is entirely dependant on our care givers.

More than that, our survival is

entirely dependent on our care givers loving us.

The first thing we learn in

our lives is that if

our care givers do not love

us, our needs will not

be met and we will eventually die.

Because of this, it becomes very

important that we do anything we

can do to get loved

because our brain, which is of

course the organ in charge

of ensuring our survival, equates love to survival.

The sympathetic nervous system is in charge of our survival response.

The part of our brain called the

hypothalamus, which is a primitive

part of the brain, triggers our

sympathetic nervous system to react when it perceives danger.

We call this reaction the Fighter Flight Response.

The Fighter Flight Response is an

intelligent design as far

as evolution is concerned because

it enables us to jump out

of the way even on an oncoming car

in a split seconds, as opposed to

using a more volt rational processes

to asses whether something is in fact a danger to us.

If we were to use that part

of our brain that's in charge

of  rational process to assess

whether something was a danger before

reacting, we would end

up getting hit by an oncoming car

for example because if

we take longer to asses the

situation, then we take

for the oncoming car to actually hit us.

Hypothalamus accomplishes this by

hijacking the rest of the brain.

It releases signals that over-rates

the parts of our brains that are

in charge of reasoning such as the cortex.

The parts of our brain that

are in charge of reasoning are the parts that we associate with intelligence.

But those parts of our brain

are not parts that are

in charge of our behaviors and actions when our survival is threatened.

Only the most primitive part of

our brain are in charge of

our behaviors and actions when our survival is threatened.

So what does this mean for humans love?

Because humans harbour a deep

sea to association between love

and survival, when we feel

as if we need love for someone,

suddenly our survival mechanisms are triggered.

The part of our brain that begins

to rule relative to the

object of our love is our primitive brain.

When our primitive brain is in

charge of our behaviors and actions,

we can no longer remain rational relative to whatever we want love from.

 Our evolution has primed

us to act for survival before we

act for logic our thinking

mind is incapacitated and when

we feel threatened with the possibility

of losing love our bodies

react as if our survival

is being threatened, in other

words when it seems as if

we can lose love we biochemically

react in similar ways to

how we would react if we were being held under water.

I realized it's frustrating but it

is part of the original intention