Never fear!

Wonder Woman is here!

The door...

was unlocked!

That hostage was dead before I got here, OK?

What did you do this weekend, Diana?

I did not kill a hostage at the courthouse!

Whoever told you that, they lied!

Yeah, I didn't do much either.

The world remains in mourning after the death of the Superman.

And where is the Gotham Bat?

The masked vigilante has been a no-show!

I'm right here!

Just look up!

Hey, whatever happened to that bat guy?

I don't know - I guess he threw in the cowl!

He's a no-show now!

They said the age of heroes would never come again.

Well they were clearly wrong.

I said age of heroes.

- Not age of churros! - Hey.

It was a significant period in my life.

Mmmm.

And by god,

it's come again.

This is the churro Gotham deserves.

Something is coming.

Oh no.

It's Steppenwolf.

No.

I'm Droppenwolf.

Did you not just witness my entrance?

But don't worry.

When Steppenwolf gets here,

steps...

will be taken.

No protectors here.

No lanterns.

No home security.

No Kryptonian pornos.

And no Batmen.

I'M RIGHT... HERE!

This world will fall.

And everyone''s gonna blame Batman for being a total no-show.

I SHOWED!!

I'M A YES-SHOW!!

One misses the days when one's biggest concerns were exploding wind-up penguins.

Alfred.

That's still my biggest concern.

Please don't tell me you've stopped the hourly perimeter sweeps!

No, I haven't stopped doing the sweeps.

- Oh thank god... - There were no penguins spotted at 2300, I assure you.

Just because you can't see them,

doesn't mean they're not out there...

lurking in the dark...

Sir, we are on a plane--

THEY'RE PENGUINS, ALFRED!!

THEY CAN FLY!!

They found me.

This is cray-cray.

Honestly, I think we're all gonna die.

Does anyone else want to take a stab at giving the big motivational speech?

And I don't think it's gonna be a quick death, either.

I think it's gonna drag on for a fair while. We're gonna feel it all.

Our throats will probably hurt the most from all the screaming.

Don't engage alone.

We do this together.

Where's Flash?

OK guys, I'm engaging alone!

Wish me luck on my lone engagement!

Oh. Hey, Stabbenwolf.

Didn't see you there.

You guys seem ready to do battle and stuff but I've never done battle.

I've just pushed some people and run away.

I thought you looked familiar!

Relax, Alfred.

I'll take it from here.

Son, you've just committed grand theft Batmo.

The penalty... is every hero's worst nightmare.

Superman... was a beacon to the world.

Alright.

He didn't just save people.

He killed a whole heap of them while he was fighting Zod.

Ow!

That's sharp!

Yeah, it's a sword, dumbass.

Stop trying to be a Michelangelo painting.

You're the boss.

I know we're far from water,

but I can still contribute with my surfing skills!

Ow!

Land hurts so much more than water!

How many of you freaks are there?

Not enough.

I'm fixating on the number "7" for some reason.

Oh hey, Batman.

Thanks for showing up.

Where have you been the last...

Oh, wow!

They really just vanish, huh?

Oh.

That's rude.

Ew.

I have a serious problem.

He said you'd come.

Now let's hope...

you're not too late.

Hey.

It's never too late...

to give them Hal!

Why were there two impact tremors?

Mmm, what's that?

Well, before you arrived, there were two impacts.

What happened - did you land twice or something?

Uh, yeah. I, uh - I did land twice. I, uh...

I landed, I realised I'd missed the mark by a few hundred yards, didn't feel like walking, so...

flew up and landed again a lot closer.

That's...

awkward.

Yeah it is. It's really awkward.

In fact, I kinda wish you hadn't mentioned it.

- Moving on... - You know what you should have done?

You should have landed softly the second time.

Yeah I should have done a lot of things.

So... Earth is in jeopardy...

Why are you doing hard landings anyway?

What's the point of meeting in secret if you're gonna land like an H-bomb?

OH MY GOD!!!

You know what?

SCREW this planet!

Alfred?

Did that green superhuman from outer space show up?

We desperately need his help.

I'm terribly sorry, sir.

He's a no-show.

[WONDER WOMAN] I think it is fair to say that I am the most valuable player on the team.

[OTHERS SCOFF]

[WONDER WOMAN] No seriously - let's look at the evidence.

Batman is cool, but he has no powers, so he's out.

[BATMAN] When are you guys gonna stop holding that over me?

[WONDER WOMAN] Flash is super-fast -

something no man should ever brag about -

but he has no stealth!

Every time he moves he becomes an electrical storm.

Why can't he be more like... Quicksilver?

Quicksilver doesn't need all the zappity-zap-zap.

You're all flash and no substance, Flash.

[FLASH] Uh, wow!

I didn't ask to be so highly charged.

[ZAPS]

[WONDER WOMAN] Cyborg can do some useful things...

but he is such a downer!

Honestly, his robot parts are less robotic than his personality.

[CYBORG] I. Disagree.

Conversation terminated. [SHUTS DOWN]

[WONDER WOMAN] And Aquaman.

He can control water and fish,

which would be a real asset if we weren't fighting on... dry... land.

[AQUAMAN] No one could have predicted that.

But hey -

if any of these aliens set foot on my home surf,

they'll be soggy.

[WONDER WOMAN] Anyway, I think I have made my point.

So why have you brought us to Superman's grave, Bruce?

And why is the coffin out of the ground?

[LID COMES OFF]

[SUPERMAN] Because the real M.V.P. did not R.I.P.!

That's right, everybody - I'm back.

I had to levitate quite a few dirt particles, one by one, but I eventually dug myself out.

What'd I miss?

[WONDER WOMAN] It's great you're back, Clark, but there is something you should know.

Your public funeral cost American taxpayers over ten million dollars.

Now that you're alive, the government wants you to pay it back.

They are going to let you do it in instalments,

and fortunately, they've kept your job open at the Daily Planet so--

[LID SLAMS SHUT]

[FLASH] Uh... where'd he go?

[BATMAN] I think he went back inside the coffin.

[WONDER WOMAN] Clark?

Did you just go back inside your coffin?

[SUPERMAN, muffled] No.