So Merry Christmas, Kwanzaa Hanukkah or heck all three

We've modernized these jingles for the massive bourgeoisie

Love, The Updated Christmas Carol Team

You'd better not judge, you better not hate

You better not bully or

discriminate

Progressive Santa's coming to town

He's making a list of gluten free foods

He won't take a peek at J-Law's nudes

Progressive Santa's coming to town

He's 50 different races

And all for tax reform

He'll protect all your children

Well, as long as they've been born

You better watch out...

That's to far?

Okay.

Rudolph the red nosed reindeer (reindeer)

Had an advantageous nose

(he outlived his friends)

He passed his bright red traits on (traits on)

Darwin said that's how it goes

(evolution's not a theory)

Mary did you know

that your baby boy

supports the NRA?

Mary did you know that your baby boy

is white

Did you know

Deck the halls with kujichagulia

Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza

Give zawadi, hang benderas

Kwa wa wa wa wa wa wa wanza

Throw your hands up in the air-a

You're a green one, Mr. Grinch

You're lacking in finesse.

That greenish epidermis determines your succes

Mr. Grinch

Racist Whos constrain you to the issues they continue to suppress

lalala lala la lalala

You're an outlier, Mr. Grinch

You give the Whos a fright

They say your heart is 3/5ths normal

You're either wrong or white

Mr. Grinch

Don't walk the streets of Whoville

You might fight a cop the Whos will not indict

La -

I'm

dreaming

of a racially ambiguous holiday

Away in a manger with Jesus and crew

His schmeckle got cut

cause hey Christ was a Jew

O holy night

the stars are brightly shining

It is the night

Jesus did

something holy

(I don't know the whole story)

Joseph watched golf, right?

His leather chair reclining

As Mary birthed a child,

I think a donkey was involved

any help here? God?

Three wise men came

with GPS they found him

aside in a barn

as his omniscient baby daddy tucked him in

Jesus crawled on his knees

his mom

shared it on snapchat

Oh bright

Device

Oh night

When Christ celebrated Christmas

P-A-I-N-T Subscribe