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  • Humans and cauliflower share a common ancestor going back over 420 years.

  • Which is why to this day, cauliflower is a very accurate map of the human brain

  • [singing]

  • Now, I'm no brain expert, but I do know enough about the brain to be able to tell you what every single little part does.

  • This is the "cerebral flortex."

  • It governs your ability to sense and navigate across the ground.

  • This is your "ankle center," it's an evolutionary leftover from when humans had no torso or legs,

  • so, uh, 20% of the brain was used to process ankle function.

  • So I'm just gonna take this standard RCA cable and jam that into my skull, and then reroute that into my camera.

  • This little part right here is the speech control, it helps [voice pitch heightens] you know, govern,

  • [voice lowers] the way your pitch works, um,

  • [pitch wavers] the way the, uh, contour and timber of your voice works.

  • [pitch continues to distort] It'd be pretty cool if you could play with that in real life, [unintelligible].

  • Going on a date, if you want to impress someone you can make [low pitch] your voice sound like this,

  • but, you know.

  • [pitch settles] We have the voice that we have.

  • [crunching] Mmm.

  • This part here controls the vision, um,

  • your eyes are obviously a pretty important part of your body.

  • 'Cause without them, um,

  • you wouldn't be able to watch Netflix.

  • Ouch, yeah, I feel that.

  • Whoops... see if I can... get...

  • Umm, no. I severed that.

  • [crunching and chewing] That's vision.

  • Oh!

  • Shit!

  • Luckily the brain is adaptable and I just, um... [chewing noises]

  • It's, uh... [crunch]

  • It's too hard to explain.

  • This here is your memory center, you gotta be careful when you fiddle around with this one...

  • [Whooshing effect, eerie music]

  • [child babbles incoherently]

  • [man speaks in deep voice] Hey!

  • How many times do I have to tell you?

  • Stop playing with your food!

  • [whooshing effect]

  • [sighs heavily]

  • This piece regulates breathing, circulation, skeletal, lymphatic,

  • urinary, cardio, digestive, respiratory, endocrine, and reproductive systems.

  • Elbows.

  • And this half of the brain is devoted to second guessing text messages.

  • [Chewing, mouth full] And that's the brain.

  • So I'm gonna get these into smaller pieces,

  • about yea big,

  • or smaller or bigger.

  • A lot of them will just break off at the right size. What is the right size?

  • [Mouth full, incoherent speaking] I really like raw cauliflower, it tastes great.

  • Bowl that.

  • Olive oil,

  • put in a little bit of coconut oil, for sweetness.

  • See how that's not pouring?

  • [Chuckling] Throw some in there

  • Salt-- some salt...

  • Pepper, pepper, pepper...

  • ...and some curry powder.

  • We're gonna whang-jangle this until it's all smooth,

  • and by smooth, I mean bumpy, 'cause cauliflower is not smooth.

  • Onto the pan,

  • Onion's (oven's) on four-something.

  • Just make it hot.

  • The word cauliflower

  • is an anagram for

  • "awful recoil,"

  • and that's because

  • you shouldn't eat cauliflower.

  • Alright, let's...whoa!

  • Just jumped.

  • Let's give these a good rasslin',

  • and, kind of like, any vegetable

  • You can cook it a little, or a lot.

  • These will get mushy if you overcook them,

  • just like steaming, or boiling.

  • Don't boil vegetables,

  • have at least a modicum of respect

  • for yourself, and for vegetables.

  • Let's try these...

  • [Voice distortion]

  • [crunch] Mmm!

  • [low voice pitch] I was gonna put these back in, but these are done, man.

  • That was maybe, 15 minutes, really hot?

  • [voice heightens] So, you know

  • [voice lowers] They're much better when they're still just a little bit crisp in my opinion,

  • [voice heightens] but I'm not you!

  • You're just gonna have to go with, um,

  • your own, personal, private feelings inside,

  • which are governed by the emotional center

  • which is right...here. [crunch]

  • [voice lowers] So delicious!

  • And it's up.

  • Just tastes so good.

  • [calming music]

  • [singing in a distorted voice] You suck at cooking, oh my God, you suck,

  • you suck, at cooking, oh my God, you suck so much,

  • at cooking, you suck, so much.

Humans and cauliflower share a common ancestor going back over 420 years.

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カリフラワーのブレインガズム - あなたは料理で吸う(第36話 (Cauliflower Braingasm - You Suck at Cooking (episode 36))

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    佳萱 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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