- [Voiceover] This is you.

Well, it's not you, it's Ali.

But, pretend it's you.

You're getting ready for a date.

This is your outfit.

This is your hair.

You look perfectly fine,

so of course, you hate it.

Here are some helpful tips.

First, make sure to take your hair down

and put it up again as you're getting ready.

Approximately 37 times.

Step two, try on jewelry you hate

and haven't worn in months.

Maybe you've changed.

Maybe you'll like it now.

You look great.

Except, you hate that dress.

Try spicing it up.

Red, sexy but casual.

Perfect.

Step three, completely lose your shit.

That's good, that's good,

just let it out.

Realize you're about to meet somebody

for a drink at a bar with the hope

that he'll be different from everybody else.

Realize that dating is a complete and utter

waste of time.

Even if you do find somebody you'll like,

you'll date for a while

and then the only two options

are breaking up or getting married

and you are completely terrified of both.

But dying alone is too cliché.

So, what other option do you really have?

Just get up.

Try changing your hair just one last time.

Your new outfit is better.

You like it.

You look good.

You don't need that necklace.

This is what you're working with, so,

just accept it and move on.

Step five, time for makeup.

Remember that you're a trash person

who never learned how to put on makeup good,

but who still feels like they need to use it.

Look in the mirror and decide that you're pretty

and you deserve love.

Step six,

calm down, relax.

Have some tea.

Consider how many people have actually been murdered

by a stranger on the internet.

Maybe just text a few people to let them know

where you're going.

Yep, that's still what you look like.

Realize that none of it really matters,

so you might as well try to have fun.

Step seven, manage to successfully overcome

the crushing existential dread,

get up, and go be a person.

(inspiring music)