(girlfriend) Well, I love you more!

(boyfriend) Nah-uh! I love you times infinity!

(Ian) SHUT UP!!!

Go, Scott Pilgrim. Kick his ass!

God, I wish I had a girlfriend like Ramona Flowers.

I would totally fight seven evil exes to be with her.

No, you definitely, definitely would not.

Uh, yeah, I would.

Real life love is boring as hell.

I mean, just imagine what it would be like

if it was just like the movies.

Oh my god, man, I've gone over this with you

with every single subject over the past five years

and you still don't get it?

Okay, look, romantic movies would suck if they were like real life.

If Romantic Movies Were Real

What Women Want

You want to have sex with me.

Nope.

Dammit!

When Harry Met Sally

(moaning sensually)

Are you okay?

(moaning)

(grunting loudly)

Yes! YES!

YES!

I don't know her.

(Anthony moans loudly)

GHOST

(kissing noises)

Girl, what the f*ck are you doing?

You nasty!

(girl) Is it in yet?

PRETTY WOMAN

Hello there, ladies and gentlemen.

I'd like you to meet my very special guest tonight.

- Come here, honey. - (hacking)

(rough voice) Hey, I got a two for one special

if any of y'all want in.

No mouth kissing though.

She's precious, isn't she?

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE'S ROMEO + JULIET

Thus, with a kiss, I die!

(groaning) This is so f*cked up!

Easiest breakup ever!

her

(moaning)

Mannequin

(grunting)

Marley & Me

Just kidding. You guys are sick.

GONE WITH THE WIND

What will I do? Where will I go?

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.

(jeering)

- You just got served! - You got served!

- What? What? What? What? - What's wrong with you?!

The 40 Year-Old Virgin

(hacking)

All right, sugar tits, it's gonna be $10.00.

Sweet, I could've just paid for this the whole time?

Well, if you needed me back in the '80s

- it would've been fine. - (groaning)

(500) DAYS OF SUMMER

- (skin sizzles) - Global warming's not real, my ass!

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS

But sometimes I poop when I sleep.

(gags)

Nope!

(fork clatters)

FIFTY SHADES OF GREY

Okay, we've already been through 49 shades,

please, for the love of god, tell me this one works!

It's perfect!

(sigh of relief) Great!

Now we can get to the creepy stuff.

BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN

(southern twang) It's terrible how we have to hide our love.

(sniffles)

I wish I knew how to quit you.

Um, you know gay marriage is legal in, like, 36 states now, right?

Wait, what?

For the last time, no one cares!

Yeah! We support your man-love!

Oh.

See, I told you.

What?

You know what?

I'm not gonna let your cynicism ruin my view of love.

Now good day, sir!

What?!

I said, "Good day!"

Hmph!

LATER AT RAMONA'S

(exhales, gags)

Oh, uh, hi, Ramona Flowers.

I was wondering, uh, could I be your boyfriend?

Sure, but first you have to defeat my seven evil exes.

Peace of cake!

(Ian groans)

Totally not worth it!

(Ian groans) Ow! Ow!

(Ian) Hey, guys, thank you so much for watching me

have the sh*t kicked out of me. If you haven't subscribed

to us yet, click that huge-ass yellow subscribe button

right on the screen.

(Anthony) If you guys wanna see a scene from Knocked Up...

Wait, so, who did I sleep with?

..and this:

Oh, I love your ghost nipples!

(groans)

(Anthony) Click the video on the left.

And if you guys haven't seen our latest If It Were Real videos,

click the video on the right to watch If Video Games Were Real 3.

(groans)

[Captioned by Subtitle YouTube]