(man) Hey, man, what's up? I'm in a theater.

- Yeah, I can talk. - (Ian) Shut up!

(zombies moaning, person screaming, gunshots)

Why do people even like zombie movies?

- Uh... they're fun to watch? - This is fun?

Watching a bunch of corpses get their heads blown off?

Yeah. Imagine how stupid scary movies would be

if they were actually realistic.

IF SCARY MOVIES WERE REAL

SAW

(crying) Help!

Why is that dead guy breathing?

Damn it!

signs

Die, alien! (grunts)

(alien laughs)

You really thought our weakness was water?

You humans are stupider than I thought. (laughing)

PSYCHO

♪ (suspenseful horror music) ♪

(gasps)

Damn!

ANACONDA

(exaggerated groaning)

No! (yelling)

(grunting)

CHUCKY "CHILD'S PLAY"

(Ian gasping frantically) Oh, no!

Anthony! My doll is trying to kill me!

You're my favorite deputy.

Are you kidding?

- Die, bitch! - (screams)

PITCH BLACK

the ring

(static buzzing)

♪ (Justin Bieber, "Baby" ringtone) ♪

Hello?

(voice on phone) Seven days.

(dial tone)

Oh, hell no.

- (line rings) - Hello?

Yeah, you just called me.

- No, I didn't. - Yeah, you did.

Uh... Livelinks sex line. How may I assist you?

Okay, I know this isn't a sex line. You're lying.

Yes, it is.

How much do you charge?

SEX AND THE CITY

♪ (dramatic sting) ♪

SCREAM (OR ANY SLASHER MOVIE)

- (woman screams) - (villain laughs)

(doors rattling)

(chuckling sinisterly)

Ah!

That was easy.

- Yeah, I guess that would be pretty dumb. - Told you.

Well, I gotta go.

Old Sparky needs a little trim.

(moaning)

Oh! Holy dingleberries!

(moaning continues)

- Die, zombies! - Wait!

(grunts)

They're not zombies.

They're just really, really high.

(stoners munching)

- So, then I just-- - Yeah, you're going to prison.

To see bloopers & deleted scenes from THE EXORCIST + The Birds

CLICK THE LINK BELOW!

(spooky voice) Thanks for subscribing! (chuckles creepily)

I'm looking at you through your window.