I MMA, IS THAT A WORD?

I'MMA BE WONDERING WHY THAT

WOMAN GOT NO TITTIES.

THEY'RE HERE.

>> EMMA WOTSON SEEMS LIKE THE

TYPE OF GIRL I'D BE FRIENDS WITH

FOR LIKE THREE DAYS AND THEN GET

SICK OF BUT NOT TELL HER.

>> JAKE GYLLENHAAL HAS THE MOST

PUNCHABLE FACE OF ALL TIME.

I'D LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO

SOCK HIM IN HIS UGLY, SOFT,

STARRY-EYED PUG FACE.

>> ELISABETH MOSS LOOKS

STUNNING, I THINK SHE CAN CLEAN

UP WELL, DESPITE MY

GRANDMOTHER'S HARSH OPINION THAT

SHE'S HIDEOUS.

>> I BET THAT JOHN LITHGOW'S

BALL SACK LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE HIS

FACE. MY FACE IS NOT COMPLIMENTED BY

MY BALL SACK IS.

>> DAVE CHAPPELL HEAD DON'T FIT

HIS BODY NO MORE.

HE FORGOT TO EXERCISE THAT MILK

DUD.

>> ALL FROWNING OLD DUDES ARE

JEFFREY TAM BOR TO ME.

THAT'S JUST HURTFUL.

>> CAN DWETH PALTROW STICK TO

STEAMING HER VAGINA AND SHUT THE

[ BLEEP ] UP FOR GOD SAKE.

>> JENNIFER ANSTOR IS WHAT

HAPPENS WHEN A BAG OF FLOUR GETS

ITS BIG BREAK.

BECAUSE IT'S LIKE I'M A BAG OF

FLOUR. FUNNY.

>> JIM PARSONS LOOKS LIKE A

VENTRILOQUIST DUMMY THAT CAME TO

LIFE TO BECOME A SEX OFFENDER.

OH, GOD.

>> JAMIE LANSTER HAS A TINY

[ BLEEP ], PASS IT ON.

>> KRISTIN BELL SEEMS LIKE THE

KIND OF PERSON I'D BE THRILLED

TO BE PAIRED UP WITH FOR A

SCHOOL PROJECT BUT THEN WOULD

NEVER WANT TO HANG OUT WITH HER

OTHERWISE. THAT'S PROBABLY TRUE.

>> I BET JENNIFER LAWRENCE GIVES

REAL UNENTHUSIASTIC [ BLEEP ].

HOW DO THEY KNOW?

>> I'M GOING TO SUBMIT BOB

ODENKIRK TO UGLY WHITES.

>> SOMEONE JUST TOLD ME I SMILED

LIKE MICHAEL KEATON AND I DON'T

KNOW IF I SHOULD TAKE ONE

MILLION SELFIES OR PUT A GUN IN

MY MOUTH.

I'D PUT A GUN IN YOUR MOUTH.

>> AT REAL DONALD TRUMP WRITES

JUST TRIED WATCHING "SATURDAY

NIGHT LIVE," UNWATCHABLE,

TOTALLY BIASED, NOT FUNNY AND

THE BALDWIN IMPERSONATION JUST

CAN'T GET ANY WORSE.

SAD. >> IS KUMAIL'S [ BLEEP ]

MULTIPLE COLORS.

YES, EVERY SHADE OF YOUR MOM'S

LIP STICKS.