字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント Tom: Everybody welcome to Impact Theory. You are here because like me you believe that human potential is nearly limitless but you know that having potential is not the same as actually doing something with it. Our goal with this show and company is to introduce you to the people and ideas that are going to help you actually execute on your dreams. All right, today’s guest is one of the most popular on air commentators and opinion writers for CNN and her unique brand of raw and relatable advice has made her one of the most sought after speakers and media personalities. Watching her you get the feeling that this mother of three is just getting started. Her well researched and really powerful insights into what it means to be a human come wrapped in both science and lovely mid-western charm, allowing her to cut through the formality of typical business jargon and grab her audiences by the emotions. She has made a name for herself by being; blunt, unapologetic and yet totally vulnerable. She says what everybody is already thinking but is just a little too scared to say and it makes people absolutely love her. It is not hard to understand why her Ted Talk titled; how to stop screwing yourself over is one of the most watched Ted Talks of all time. It’s also easy to see why she is an award winning talk radio host who is trusted by some of the biggest brands on the planet to help motivate and advice their teams. She has appeared on everything from Good Morning America and The Today Show to Dr. Phil and Oprah. Somehow she has also made time to found an inspirational news site called inspire52.com and found and sell a retail and internet tech company. Please help me in welcoming the former criminal defense attorney who has been called an explosion of inspiration. The bestselling author with a brand new book titled; The 5 Second Rule. The master of motivation herself; Mel Robbins. It’s really good to have you on the show. Mel: Oh my gosh thank you. Tom: Absolutely. Mel: You called me the master of motivation and I think motivation is complete garbage so maybe we should start there. Tom: That is a perfect place to start so I totally agree with you but why do you say that? Mel: You do? Tom: I do 100%. Now I said that in the spirit of I know what you are trying to do so it is meant with absolute reverence, but why do you say that it’s garbage? Mel: Well and we’ll talk a lot about this but I think it’s garbage because at some point we all bought into this lie that you’ve got to feel ready in order to change. We bought into this complete falsehood that at some point you are going to have the courage, at some point you are going to have the confidence and it’s total bullshit frankly. Are we allowed to swear on this show? Mel: Absolutely. Tom: Okay, it’s complete garbage so there are so many people in the world and you may be watching this right now and you have these incredible ideas and what you think is missing is motivation and that’s not true. Because the way that our minds are wired and the fact about human beings is that we are not designed to do things that are uncomfortable or scary or difficult. Our brains are designed to protect us from those things, because our brains are trying to keep us alive. In order to change, in order to build a business, in order to be the best parent, the best spouse to do all those things that you know you want to do with your life, with your work, with your dreams you are going to have to do things that are; difficult, uncertain or scary. Which sets up this problem for all of us, you are never going to feel like it. Motivation is garbage, you only feel motivated to do the things that are easy right? Tom: Why do you think that is? Mel: I know exactly why that is because I’ve studied this so much, because for me one of the hardest things to figure out was why is it so hard to do the little things that would improve my life. What I’ve come to realize and what we’ll talk a lot about today is that the way that our minds are designed is our minds are designed to stop you at all cost from doing anything that might hurt you. The way that this all happens is it all starts with something super subtle that none of us ever catch and that is with this habit that all of us have that nobody is talking about. We all have a habit of hesitating. We have an idea you are sitting in a meeting you have this incredible idea and instead of just saying it you stop and you hesitate. Now what none of us realize is that when you hesitate just that moment that micro moment, that small hesitation it sends a stress signal to your brain. It wakes your brain up and your brain all of a sudden goes, “Wait a minute why is he hesitating he didn’t hesitate when he put on his killer spiky sneakers, he didn’t hesitate with the really cool track pants, he didn’t hesitate with a NASA t-shirt now he’s hesitating to talk something must be up.” Then your brain goes to work to protect you, it has a million different ways to protect you one of them is called the spotlight effect. It’s a known phenomenon where your brain magnifies risk, why? To pull you away from something that it perceives to be a problem. You can truly trace every single problem or complaint in your life to silence and hesitation, those are decisions. What I do and what’s changed my life is waking up and realizing that motivation is garbage I’m never going to feel like doing the things that are; tough or difficult or uncertain or scary or new so I need to stop waiting until I feel like it. Number two, I am one decision away from; a totally different marriage, a totally different life, a totally different job, a totally different income, a totally different relationship with my kids. Not like one decision I’m divorcing you in a marriage example but one decision on, you could be having a conversation with your spouse and you feel your emotions rise up and within a tiny window those emotions can take over and can impact how your marriage goes. You can learn how to take control of that micro moment and make a decision to act in a way that actually shifts your marriage. Your life comes down to your decisions and if you change your decisions you will change everything. Tom: That core concept comes through so powerfully in your book which is phenomenal and I would love it if you would take a second to tell people the story of how, and by the way I wore the NASA shirt because of the imagery. Mel: Oh is that why you wore it? Tom: Of course. Mel: Oh my God I’ve like falling my glasses off that is, I did not even get that. I was going to ask you why you wore that shirt oh my gosh, wow. Tom: Break it down. Mel: You actually do your homework. Tom: Of course Mel absolutely. Mel: Let me just take you back, so what you are talking about is the five second rule which has become literally my life’s work and it was all a gigantic mistake. I read up on you too and understand how quest like was born out of misery. The five second rule and my life now and my 20 year marriage and everything that I’m doing and the companies that I’ve built and sold and the company I’m building now, it all comes back to a point in my life that completely and utterly blew. I was 41 years old I was unemployed, my husband had started a restaurant business which was his dream this is actually a funny story. When he got laid off from a big job in high tech and I think he was really relieved, you know how a lot of us wait to quit our jobs and then we get laid off and are like, “Yes.” He said, “I’m not going to look for a job I’m going to go into the restaurant business,” and I think I said the most famous lines of our marriage at that point. I looked at him and I said, “Listen buddy inspiration is for strangers you get your butt back to that job and you pay the mortgage.” Again micro moment where … Tom: That is amazing. Mel: ... I’m being a jerk instead of being a supportive wife. That’s an example of where when he said he was not going to go get a job but he was going to start a business, the first thing that was there was fear. Fear was making the decision for me. Tom: God I love that you could share that though, that’s so powerful. Mel: What happened is the first restaurant was a home run and of course what do you do when things are successful? You grow it, you grow it really big. They decided to raise money and we threw in our home equity line, the kid’s college savings, they tried to open a second and a third and at the same point a grocery store chain. I encouraged them to go into wholesale, so it basically got way too big way too first and the wheel started to come off. They came off so badly that the second restaurant failed and they held on to it for too long like a lot of us do. It’s another trick our brains play on us called [inaudible 00:09:18]. When you throw a ton of time and a ton of money at something it’s really hard to let go of it and if you haven’t done it in business, we all had a relationship in our past stayed way too long that was a trick your brain played on you. By the time that they closed the second restaurant it was an $800,000 loss. Tom: Whoa. Mel: I mean that meant our entire home equity line gone. It meant kid’s college, I just choked just thinking about how terrifying it was. I found myself at the age of 41 like just feeling like a complete failure and so did Chris. To make it worse not only had we lost all of our savings, but so many friends and family members had invested so there was this real tension between the truth of what was happening and what you had to do in public because it was public business; shame, failure, embarrassment and the lien started to hit the house. The phone started to ring and it was nothing but collection calls. I just remember feeling this tremendous shame and at some point I think we all hit that moment in life where things just are not going how you thought they would go. What’s amazing about those moments is we all respond very differently. My husband he would spring out of bed and he would head right out that door six o’clock in the morning and he would go meet his partner and they would go to the bank and they would dig right in and they would face their problems head on. He is also a smart guy I mean he did not want to be in the house when yours truly woke up because I was a raging bitch at that point in our lives. The reason why is because when you are scared and you are afraid and you are jealous and you are overwhelmed with emotions, it is so much easier to point the finger at other people. That’s a decision by the way one you may not be aware that you are making but you are still making it. What would happen to me is the exact opposite, is Chris would be gone the alarm would go off at six o’clock in the morning and I would lie there. I would think about the lien on the house and I would think about the bankruptcy that we were facing and I would think about how much we had fought the night before and I would think about the fact that I was unemployed. I would hit the snooze button I mean why would you get up when your life is like that? Why would you? I needed confidence, I needed courage I was so tapped out. In the scheme of life hitting the snooze button is not that big of a deal but here is the thing about life; none of us wake up and say, “Today is the day I destroy my life.” What we do is we kind of check out because it feels overwhelming or we check out because we’re afraid or we check out because we start listening to self-doubt and then we make these teeny-tiny decisions all day long and we don’t even realize it. Decision to not get up on time, a decision to not eat the right thing, a decision to snap at your kids, a decision to not speak at a meeting, a decision to not look for a job, a decision to not deal with your finances, a decision to not call your parents like whatever it is. All day long these tiny decisions that take you so far off track and then you wake up like I did and you look at your life and you think, “How the hell did I get here,” and more importantly how do you get back over there and you have no idea. I was to strapped and I know from your story you felt the same way, like you knew that there was more in store for you but you couldn’t figure how do you close that gap. How do you find the power that’s in you, how do you discover your greatness, how do you solve these problems I feel so overwhelming. When you can … I mean I would go to the grocery store and the items would scan and I would be sitting readying my excuse because there was no way that my check card was going to clear. Tom: Wow. Mel: I got in this struggle with myself that a lot of us find ourselves in and that is you get trapped in what I call the knowledge-action gap. You know what to do but you can’t seem to make yourself do it. I mean every one of us is one Google search away from a list of instructions that if you follow any of them … Tom: That’s a really good point. Mel: ... it will change your life. How do you get out of your head and stop thinking about what you need to do and actually do it. In my case this stuff was pretty easy; get up on time, make breakfast for the kids, get them on the bus, start looking for a job, be nicer to Chris, don’t drink so much. Instead of isolating yourself pick up the phone and call a friend, get yourself out into the woods and go for a walk, start running again. Like all these little things that I was capable of but I couldn’t get out of here, could not get out of here and if you are stuck that’s the problem. The problem is you are in your head, your thinking. That is the universal problem and it all starts with this knowledge of what to do and then you hesitate and you think about whether or not you feel like doing it. For a couple of months I was really stuck, Chris would get up at six I’d hit the snooze and then I’d hit the snooze and then I hit the snooze the kids would miss the bus. Then every night I’d do the same thing I’d go in bed, have ever had one of those nights probably before you started your company where you would go in bed and you are like, “All right Tom that’s it tomorrow it’s the new me, tomorrow. Tomorrow I am going to get up on time, I am going to go to the gym, I am going to look for a job, I’m not going to drink so much it’s going to be amazing. The new me, the future me whoa let’s do this,” right? Then you go to bed and you wake up seven hours later and you are like, “I don’t feel like the new me.” Tom: Who was that? Mel: Who the, that’s the stupidest … See motivation is garbage, it’s never there when you need it ever. Here is what happened to me and thank you for wearing the NASA t-shirt. Tom: Of course. Mel: It’s a really stupid story. Tom: It’s a powerful story. Mel: One night Chris had gone to bed I had been struggling, we still had all the same problems. I we still had the lien on the house, still facing bankruptcy, still fighting like crazy, I was still unemployed. They still hadn’t figured out the solution yet for the business and I was about to turn off the TV.