Here's your host, Art Sweetheart.

-Hello, and welcome to another episode of The Dating Game,

the show where we play Cupid or we look stupid.

[laughter] Let's get right to it and meet our bachelorette.

[audience catcalling] She describes herself as sweet and sassy.

Say hello to Passion Fruit!

So, Passion Fruit, tell us about the men in your life.

-Well, Art, most of the men in my life are really sweet.

They can also be really annoying.

-So would you say when it comes to meeting Mr. Right-fruit,

you can really pick 'em? [laughter]

-Yeah, they're annoying because they say stuff like that.

[laughter]

-Well, let's see if we can play matchmaker for you, Passion.

Say hello to Bachelor #1.

[applause]

-I'm talking to a girl. Huzzah!

-Uh... hi, Bachelor #1.

-Bachelor #2.

[applause]

-[French accent]: Bonjour, Passion.

I look forward to getting to know you...very well.

-Ooh! I like your accent, Bachelor #2.

-And last but not least, Bachelor #3.

-Hey! Hey, Passion Fruit! Hey, Passion Fruit!

Hey, Passion Fruit, hey!

-Wait... that voice sounds familiar.

-Oh, I'm sure you're completely mistaken, Passion.

What do you say we move on to the first question?

-Ooh! Pick me! Pick me!

Bachelor #3, come on, pick me!

-Bachelor #1.

-[groans in disappointment] Come on.

-If we went on our first date, what would we do?

-Oh boy, you're so beautiful.

Oh no, spritzing, spritzing on the lovely. Oh no.

-[laughing]: He sounds like a motorboat making a milkshake.

-Did he say motorboat?

-Uh, pardonne-moi,

but I believe what Bachelor #1 was trying to say is,

a first date with one as lovely as you

would be the last first date of his life.

[audience catcalling] -Holy jumping gigawatts,

that was smooth.

-Phew! I... well... that's... rather forward.

-But Passion, my philosophy is never looked back,

so I can only be forward, yes?

-[laughs] Stupid Apple.

Red Onion made French toast out of you. [laughter]

-Okay, see, I'm getting that feeling again.

-[chuckles] You'll have to pardon Bachelor #3.

It is safe to say we are all intoxicated by your presence.

-Zippity-wowie-zowie!

-[whispering]: I think we can forget about Bachelor #1.

[laughter] -Apple's such a Mushmouth. [laughs]

-Let me remind the bachelors

that you're not supposed to reveal the identities of one another.

-I'm not a bachelor; I'm an orange.

[laughter] -Wow, I'm... totally shocked.

-See? I told you sparks would fly. Ha-ha!

-Can I talk to the super-hot French guy now?

-Super-hot French fry?

Be careful, he might burn your tongue. [laughter]

-That is entirely possible.

-Question! Ooh-ooh, question, come on! Question!

-Okay, that's really not necessary.

-Come on, nobody's asked me anything.

-[scoffs] Fine, Bachelor #3.

-Yay! I win! Suck it, Red Onion! [laughter]

-I am not an onion, you buffoon.

-If we went on our date--

-But I don't own a calendar.

-A date, you idiot!

Like when two fruits really really like each other.

-Oh, sorry, that's not gonna happen.

[record scratches] -What?

-Yeah, I've already got someone I really like.

She's totally smart and pretty and purple,

and whenever I see her,

I feel like I just ate a butterfly made of chocolate,

if you know what I mean.

[audience awws]

-I think I do, Bachelor #3.

It's what's on the inside that counts.

-Well, since I've clearly lost control of the show,

let's lower the wall and see if Passion is right.

-She would choose this common piece of rubbish over me?

Clearly I am the superior fruit.

-Yowza-doy! It's back to Skyrim for me.

[mechanical whirring, short-circuiting]

[splat!]

-Whoa!

-Oh, my God, Orange, are you okay?

-Yeah. Poor guy.

I think he really had a "crush" on you, Passion.

[laughter]

-[groans] Please stop.

-Well, while we're busy contacting our attorneys,

you kids go out there and have a great time on your date!

-Yeah, come on, Passion. There's room for you, too.

-Get him off me! Get him off me!

-[laughs] Giddyup, Date!

Captioned by SpongeSebastian