This game--

AHHHHHH!

WHAT ARE THESE GRAPHICS?

SHIELD ME, JUST DON'T MAKE ME LOOK AT THIS SHI-

Okay...

That's looking better now...

Guys, got anything to eat in here?

I'm getting hungry.

I'm thinking about making some, uh...

Spaghetti and meat--

What?

Look!

They got spaghetti!

What?

This ain't scary, man...

This is some baby ass shit, man...

This ain't scary...

*snap*

I'm gonna get killed by a zombie.

This is the scariest game in the worl--

Fuck you!

Come on!

Is he wearing a fuckin' bulletproof vest?

No, don't-- don't you fucking put me up here.

Put me back!

Thank you.

Now...

I'm gonna run you over with a car.

Heheheheheh...

You should have never...

I told you NEVER to fuck with me.

And NOW...

I'mma f--

Fuck.

"I told you...don't you fuck with me!"

There it is, car key!

Yes!

"Nice car!"

"Hehehe...mind if I take it for a spin?"

Oh well...you won't be able to get in.

I locked the door, so...

At least he doesn't have the car keys.

Can't start the car without the car ke--

"You better start running, boy!"

Fuck this game, man!

[laughing] Turn this off!

Fuck you, man!

"Whoohooo!"

Piece of shit game!

[laughing]

Whoah whoah whoah whoah!

No no no no no, whoah whoah whoah!

No no no!

[laughing]

God damn it!

When you get to the part of the game, with the buzzsaw...

...do NOT turn that on, okay?

I'm gonna grab this item.

Cause' it might come in HANDY later!

[laughing] If--

If you see what I-- [laughing]

FUCK YOU, DICKFUCK!

[laughing]

Gotcha!

Eyy-- Aw, that was an accident.

Fuck!

Shit, die!

Do not accept the quest from the magic gerbil.

When you get to that part of the game, okay?

Whoo, doggy!

That is a dead boy, I'll tell you what.

I don't care who you are, you dead, you de--

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?

HE'S STILL ALIVE?!

COME THE FUCK ON, MAN!

GET OUTTA HE--

This is bullshit!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Fuckin' blow him up!

Now, I don't care who you are...

He is a hundred percent dead right there.

You do not come back from that, I'm sorry.

You just do n--

WHAT THE FUCK!?

HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!

"Fuck!"

Okay.

Now he's a hundred percent dead.

He can never come back from that.

WHAT THE FUCK.

COME ON NOW

WH-- HE CAN'T BE ALIVE!

When you get to this part of the game...

Just turn the game off.

You don't really see this in newer houses, but..

Back in the day, they would have a room where they collected...

...black tar.

In the bathtubs!

To make ap--

*SLAM*

Is that you, Baghoul?

Maybe if I put my hands up, like this...

"There's no way out, you know!"

He won't be able to see me.

You see what I'm saying?

I'm invisible if I do this.

"I seeee youuuuu!"

IMPOSSIBLE.

IMPOSS- HE'S FUCKING CHEATING.

This game is broken.

Excuse me.

Can I come in here?

"STAY THE FUCK"

"OUT"

Is that a yes?

["Snake Eater" - Cynthia Harrell]

Knock, knock.

What did gun say to dumb bitch?

Die.

[Marguerite laughs uncontrollably]

[dunkey laughs nervously]

[Marguerite continues laughing]

Okay, damn.

It was not that funny.

Okay, Resident Evil.

Six bullets...

Okay.

It takes FIFTY bullets...

To take down ONE guy.

And you brought two guys at me.

That's how--that's, that makes sense.

Fucking piece of shit gun sucks fucking dick.

Good.

Ah, good, just...kill my guy.

Because my gun doesn't work!

Look at this, he doesn't die!

"Waste of bullets, boy."

That should be the title of the game!

Oh, what movie is this?

"Derelict House Footage".

Aw, I-- I got that on BluRay already.

Chainsaw!

Hey!

Fuck...

Fuck this gun, man.

Can you give me that chainsaw?

What?

He's actually giving it?

That is so considerate of you, man.

Thank you, for real.

Thank you, fo--

FUCK YOU, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

FUCKING DIE!

Ohhh, sh...

God damn!

He is dead.

ARE YOU SERIOUS!?

IT'S

JUST

LEGS!

HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE?

No...okay.

Okay.

"Do me a favor, and stay dead."

Yeah.

Now if he-- If he comes back from this...

Fuck this game.

Cause, I-- I'm never gon-

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

*phone ringing*

No.

No, no no no no...

*phone ringing*

I told them never to call here.

No...

*Xbox startup sound*

"Welcome to Xbox Customer Support."

"(in spanish) To reach support, press--"