and how you do it.

I wanted my kid to be a thinking kid, okay?

(I'm using old language)

I wanted my kid to be creative

so I have to ask the question "What is creativity?"

If I don't know, I can't make my kid creative

so here's how I did it.

In the beginning, he came to me when he was four years old

and he said "Daddy, the wheel came off my toy car."

I said "So it did," then I threw it in the garbage

and read my book

and I'm watching him

that lower lip, pouting

and I said "What's the matter?" He said "You threw it away!"

I said "I'll get you baby toys where the wheels don't come off."

He says "Well, maybe I can fix it."

I reached for the toy and gave it to him.

He's sitting on the couch trying to get the wheel on

then he gets it on

in just a few minutes.

Then I picked him up and put him on my lap

and said "That's wonderful! How did you do that?"

He said "I'm not that little!"

I said "But, how did you do it?"

He says "[You see] that wire sticking up?" "Yeah."

"You see the hole in the wheels?"

He didn't even know what they're called.

"I pushed on the hole, and pushed and pushed, and it went on."

I said "That's marvelous."

When you say "Here, let daddy fix it for you.

Let daddy do this. Let mommy do that."

[Then] you produce a big blob that does no thinking at all.

So put your kids...

I used to come running in the house

to my little girl [and] say "What did you bring me?"

She said "I didn't bring you anything. I'm too little."

Kids are always thinking in terms of you bringing them something

so when my little girl was three, she came in the shop

and I put a wrench on the nut the wrong way.

You know what that means?

A wrench on a nut the wrong way?

A nut... A wrench is a [???]

And I put it on... Then I put it on the wrong way again.

She's watching me. It's so obvious.

She puts little hands on it. "That's no way to do it."

I said "Is this all right?" The wrong way again, nothing works.

"I'll have to show you." She put the wrench on the right way.

I did that so she wouldn't look up to me.

"Daddy knows everything." Sometimes he doesn't know anything.

I used to come to my kids and ask them questions about...

"I can't get this door on. What do you suggest?"

"Well, I'm little

but I think if you put a piece of wood under the door

to lift up to match the hinges."

Just put them in a situation.

Kids of the future will be given responsibilities

and they'll manage their own affairs.

One kid, when he goes into the woods

knows a lot about marine life in the stream.

Another kid knows plants. Another kid knows clouds.

Each kid takes a turn at leadership.

You have no permanent leader.

If you rotate the leadership, it's better for the kids. Bingo.

Do you understand that?

I don't want to be a leader.

I want to give you tools to think things.

You have to work on other people now.

What if a guy doesn't want to go along with you?

Just say "I don't know how to reach that guy."

That's what it means.

See? You can call him names, say he's dumb or is a ...

Just say "I don't know how to reach him."

When I meet with people, if I can't reach them

I come at them another way.

If that doesn't work, I try another way

and I come back next week with a different way.

When I used reason with my mother and a Japanese kid

it didn't work.

Reason and logic does not change people.

What changes people is your ability to reach them on their terms.