It's Daliso Chaponda!

(Cool music as Daliso enters)

I'm Daliso Chaponda. I'm 37. I am a malawian stand-up comedian, and I live in manchester

(Short loud trumpet-like noise)

So I started doing stand-up comedy in Canada. I was studying computer programming so I've come a quite sharp left turn.

I left Canada. I tried it in South Africa. I wasn't very good and then I moved to Manchester

(Music and Baby at the end of the music)

I travel all the time. I mean I've spent a lot of years of doing the circuit doing little clubs doing slightly bigger theaters

I would like to tour

Giant room screaming fans, and just always have an audience for my job. (Sassy snap) "Sometimes I think I don't appreciate myself!"

(Laughing, music enters and Amanda slaps golden buzzer)

When I got the golden buzzer... it was the last thing I expected

I was so happy. "You're bloody hilarious, and I really want you to win the entire series!"

Ever since Amanda has a golden buzzer

I've had those

22 year old dreams come back into my head and think you can make it you'll be the next big thing you can make it

I've never won a competition. I think it's time that I won something. I really do!

It's my turn. I'm ready ready to

score the knockout punch

(Screaming)

(Laughing)

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for that welcome and thank Amanda for pushing that buzzer

Ever since then my life has been bonkers

People approaching me on the road saying well done, but the most common question I get is you're from where is it Mollie Maui?

But it's malawi and if any of you don't know where that is it's where Madonna adopted all the babies from

(Laughing)

Thats us!

Ya you're jealous. I do miss my little brother

(Laughing)

(Clapping)

and Angelina took my sister, so...

Been in the uk a while, I was tricked into moving here!

I was tricked because I was watching television, and I saw an angry guy came on television,

He said, "Oh, all these immigrants. They take all the good jobs, All the good women". I was like "Wow. That's what I'm looking for!"

(Laughing and clapping)

But I know sometimes comedy-(Unknown jamble) It's hard to laugh sometimes... cause the news is full of depressing stuff!

But I think the thing is it's misleading because amazing things happen every day little acts of kindness, but they don't report it

They put it on page 10 they open with the doom and gloom

If a BBC news of the made of yours, you'd never go over. look. I'm not going to that depressing barbecue

Imma go hand out with Cartoon Network but

[this] is amazing time to be alive people say stuff like oh, I miss the good old days

[but] all these were terrible we've got amazing stuff. We've got Wi-Fi

We've got rights we can vote

I'm black, [two] [hundred] years ago this would have been an auction!

oh

We've come a long way. That's all I'm saying

But even with the doom and gloom the m- the Malawian press is a lot worse than your press here

I'll tell you like I get the first ever comedy show in Malawi, which isn't an accomplishment. I'm the only stand-up comedian, right?

and I called the local press said send a reporter the editor said ah

Why don't you?

write the review Yourself and

You give me some money. [I] will say we wrote it. I

Was disgusted by the total lack of integrity in the Malawian press, but wow that was the [best] review ever got?

seven stars the Genius the African Michael Mcintyre

[that's] crazy. I'm on television right now because my ex always thought I wasn't ambitious enough

She always used to be like you're a comedian come on be more ambitious. [I] said hey

I'm happy she said you're not happy. [I] said I think I'm happy she said no be more ambitious

[I] did not sign up for somebody who's going nowhere. I snapped

[I] told her look you knew I wasn't ambitious the day. We met of all the women in the bar. I approached you

Yeah, you're laughing. I'm single now

I'm looking for love. I'll admit. I'm looking for love. You know got to get that citizenship. You know

But it's hard to date on a budget I

Remember going for then and the woman made a lot more money [than] me which is in the problem [were] in the 21st century

But I was ashamed [I] remember the waiter came up assumed. I was going to pay

Put the bill in front of me. I had to go, huh,

I'll get the next one

I'm so pathetic watching her pay. I wanted so badly to be part of the transaction so [I] just took the change I

Don't understand the British. I saw a beautiful British woman looking at a mirror upset. I said what's going on

She said can't you see it's a fat mirror

What do you mean the mirror looks fat she said this mirror makes me look fatter than I am I said well

I think my eyes have the same problem

I

Was not mocking her don't be angry with me. It was a cultural

[misunderstanding] I'm from Africa. [it's] different when we see someone overweight. We don't think going to diet

We're more like where did you get the food?

I think we gonna follow her home, heh. Thank you ladies and gentlemen, it's been a pleasure.

Thank you!