nobody loves, but everybody likes enough that they won't change the

channel when it's on cable, comes the sequel that kinda sounds like a

high-speed handjob...

VOICE (CONT'D) Fast Five.

VOICE (CONT'D) Wait, they've made five of these

already?

VOICE (CONT'D) Prepare for the biggest hit of this

street racing franchise...because it got rid of all the street-

racing.

VOICE (CONT'D) Now it's a heist film on wheels,

orchestrated by Vin Diesel...a passable action hero...

VOICE (CONT'D) Who this time must match wits with

a far more charismatic action hero: The Rock...Who's jacked up on baby

oil

VOICE (CONT'D) Together they'll crank up the NOS

on all the things you've come to expect from a Fast & Furious movie,

like...

VOICE (CONT'D) Gear-shifting

.

VOICE (CONT'D) Mumble-growls..

You got my word Vince

Wughgh kinda counting on it I remember everything about my faaather

VOICE (CONT'D) And overt homoeroticism.

VOICE (CONT'D) To pull off one last job...Dom will need to gather everyone's favorite

heist movie stereotypes:

VOICE (CONT'D) The hunky mastermind

VOICE (CONT'D) The nerd

VOICE (CONT'D) The Bernie Mac

VOICE (CONT'D) The guy who can't speak English

VOICE (CONT'D) And the guy who's constantly

snacking.

VOICE (CONT'D) Gear up to steal $100 million

dollars with the dumbest criminals ever, as they...

VOICE (CONT'D) Take off their masks during

robberies.

VOICE (CONT'D) Go for leisurely strolls while all

of Rio's drug gangs are after them.

VOICE (CONT'D) And drag-race cop cars they just

stole down the middle of the street.

VOICE (CONT'D) These heroes will stop at nothing

to take down a sort-of ruthless drug lord, by...

VOICE (CONT'D) Destroying poor neighborhoods...

VOICE (CONT'D) Destroying rich neighborhoods...

VOICE (CONT'D) Killing 22 cops with a giant metal

safe...

VOICE (CONT'D) And ultimately leaving Rio in way

worse shape than they found it.

VOICE (CONT'D) So refuel and ride along while

these rebels break every law in the book...of physics...

VOICE (CONT'D) Gravity!

VOICE (CONT'D) Weight differential!

VOICE (CONT'D) And friction!

VOICE (CONT'D)

Buckle up for the fifth film in the

franchise, that's technically the

fourth, since the events of Fast

Three take place after Fast Six,

making the third fast the sixth

fast, possibly the seventh

depending on where Fast 7 ends up in the timeline--Hey look! Car boobs!

VOICE (CONT'D) UGH...we get it! You can nitpick movies!

But can you do this?

BOOBS!

CINEMA SINS VOICE Ah, fair enough.

CINEMA SINS VOICE Ah, fair enough.

VOICE (CONT'D) Thanks to the people at Cinema Sins.

VOICE (CONT'D) Be sure to subscribe.

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