I'm Ryan Higa

and I am currently attending the University of College State

where I am majoring in Political Correctness

so you know that I know what I'm talking about.

I can tell you exactly what is considered offensive and what isn't.

I mean I've taken all the classes on political correctness such as

Facebook comments 101

Twitter trends 102

to Wikipedia

I've even taken an advance class on the subject called

reading news articles that other people write

to tell me how I should feel about controversial topics 205」.

With my vast knowledge on this subject.

I'm gonna be teaching you how to be the most politically correct you've ever been.

It was offending me.

Welcome to how to be politically correct.

For those of you what don't know what that means,

being politically correct, or PC,

Basically means to avoid offending people

Because we all know offending someone's feelings

is the worst thing a human being can do.

So let's get started

The first lesson in being PC is to avoid the trendy topics.

If an issue is trending on social media

Or talked about on the news

The chances are you should probably avoid that topic

Because all of a sudden everybody really cares about it now.

And no matter which side you pick

You're probably going to offend someone.

Here's an example of a trendy controversial topic

That you guys might remember.

Can you believe this?

What?

This is Starbucks's Christmas cup.

So?

So? There's no Christmas on the cup!

This is a blatant attack on my religion.

A blatant attack on Christianity!

Plus, the cup is red!

That's the same color as hell!

And the devil, and fire, and pimple's that aren't ready to be popped yet.

Well I think they're right for not putting Christmas on the cups.

What did you just say?

Well I'm not a Christian and if they did have Christmas designs on the cups then that infringing on my First Amendment Right of Freedom of Religion.

How dare you say something so un-American!

Un-American?

The vast majority of Americans - *Shouting match ensues*

Guys, guys, it's just a cup.

How dare you - *Shouting match continues*

See? It might seem like a silly petty argument,

But since it was trending in the news it's really important now.

If you really want to be PC, avoid the trendy topics.

This is what he should have said.

Guys, guys. It's just a-

Nevermind. No comment.

You know what, you're worse than both of us!

Yeah by keeping quiet, you're part of the problem! Yeah, you're not doing anything to help.

But this painting is so offensive I don't know why-

The next lesson in being PC is no more jokes.

Jokes are a thing of the past.

I mean, you might think that some jokes are not that bad, but in 2017, ALL JOKES ARE OFFENSIVE!

Hey, you want to hear this joke I just read?

Ok.

Ok, so three guys walk into the bar right?

Oh ho ho! So three GUYS, huh?

Didn't know you guys were against women's rights.

What?

Why do they have to be guys?

They don't.

Well then it's sexist. Why are there no women? Women go to bars too!

Yeah, I know.

Dude, it's just a joke.

Oh, it's just a joke? What, women aren't funny enough to be a part of your little joke?

Ok, fine! It doesn't really matter, ok?

Three WOMEN - Good! - walk into the bar in the middle of the day, right?.

*Laughs* The middle of the day, wow.

What is it now?

Now you're saying that all women are alcoholics ya bunch of misogynists!

Hey, why did the duck cross the road?

Why?

To prove he wasn't chicken. *Laughter*

Are you implying that all chickens are cowards?

Or that somehow ducks are above chickens in some way?

What?

Because ducks and chickens are equal, ok?

And people like you who support duck supremacy are part of the problem.

What are you talking about? I don't see how this is offensive.

Yeah, of course you don't.

You don't see it because you're a little privileged duck-boy who grew up in the safety of your little ranch.

So of course you're not afraid.

Chickens? Chickens, we grew up in fear.

We get drugs, GMO's forced into us at the mills.

We're forced to watch each other get slaughtered just for food?

Hey, ducks get eaten too.

Yeah, they do. But tell me, how often do you come across ducks eggs at the supermarket, huh?

How often do you pass by a fast food chain called KFD?

Yeah see, all birds lives do matter.

But right now, chicken lives, those are the lives that are in danger. And that's what's trending.

What do you call someone with no cell phone?

I don't know what?

A house phone, because with no cellphone, you gotta call them with a house phone.

As somebody who finds Jonah Hill's and Michael Cera's comedy inappropriate, I take offense to that joke.

What? They never even said this joke. How is this even related to either of them?

Cause it was Superbad.

And finally, for the last lesson in being PC is for you to know that everything is offensive.

If you don't think that something is offensive, chances are you're a bad person and you're not looking hard enough.

Here, let me make it easy for you. I'll give you some examples.

Now take a look at this X-Men poster. Does it offend you at all? Because if it doesn't, you hate women.

It's clearly showing a man choking a woman.

So that means YOU think its okay for men to choke women

Not to mention that the top of the board it says "only the strong will survive" implying that men are stronger than women

BUT thats not it. This poster isnt JUST sexist ITS RACIST

I mean why is the light skinned blue person choking the dark skinned blue person, and not the other way around?!

Take a look on the date at the bottom! Don't tell me its just a coincidence that they conspired the release date to be on 27th THE EXACT same day

That the race riots in East Saint Louis took place in 1917

AND as if that weren't enough, the title ITSELF is not just sexist! Its a hate crime!

I mean the title of the franchise is X-Men!

WHY not X-Women?!

I'll tell you why! Because X-Men Apocolypse is an attack on the LGBTQ community!

That's right.

X-MEN stands for transgender

They're X-MEN. They used to be men now they're women. So they're ex-men.

So when they say X-MEN apocalypse what they are really trying to say is it's the end of the world for the transgender community.

I will not stand for that! I will remain sitting! I will not...

Wait a second... May 27th? This is old news. Is this not trending anymore?

Eeeehh it's not big deal then. Next.

So in closing, I know there's a lot of things to remember so I'm going to simplify it and try to wrap everything up.

In order to be a truly politically correct person, avoid all of the trendy, controversial topics

Which basically means that if something is being talked about by somebody, somewhere about something,

You may not have an opinion about it. Because you're wrong. And it's going to offend someone.

You must also remember: no more jokes.

Jokes are a thing of the past. So remember to never laugh or to make anyone else laugh.

Because if you do that means you're laughing at the issues.

Issues like war and rape and racism.

So if you laugh, you're a racist war rapist!

And last but not least, and most importantly, everything is offensive.

It's not rocket science. If you don't want to offend others, it's simple.

Don't have opinions, don't take any action, don't walk, talk, move, wear or share anything you're thinking about.

Especially if it's about an issue, and everything is an issue.

And, at the same time, keep in mind that with all of these issues if you don't speak up and take action...

You guys are part of the problem.

So stop having opinions, stop taking action, and step up and do something and take action!

*TEEHEE*

Greg: Cut! Cut. What? G: No no no it's not you. The video is great, the message is clear, it's just we're missing something.

I don't think we're going to get the views this way...

Unless ... *simultaneous gasp*

Hi. I'm Ryan Higa. And I'm...