Where's the doctor?

We're your doctor?

No, you're a bunch of congressmen.

I recognize you.

I just need to get my annual Pap smear.

Ew.

Do any of you have any medical training?

We're the House Committee on Women's Health.

So I think we have a better idea

than a bunch of science-y nerdles.

You mean doctors?

Let's begin.

When was the date of your last lady curse?

Two weeks ago, if you mean my period.

Ew.

And how many blood diapers did you use?

Tampons?

A dozen? I don't know.

And that is...?

Twelve.

Now, it says here you are 34.

(Amy) Yeah.

How many children do you have?

None.

But it says here you're 34.

Correct.

Are you sexually active?

Yeah.

And how many children do you have?!

How often do you and your husband, um...?

Oh, I'm not married.

Oh, so you're a virgin.

Well...

(laughter)

Have a lollipop and run along.

No, I'm not a virgin! I'm just not married!

I just need my annual Pap smear to make sure I'm healthy.

I have a family history of cervical cancer.

Ew!

How many men have you laid with in the last year?

Sex?

Three?

Mm-mm-mm.

Jesus.

Do two of you have like secret families with your maids?

We're not the ones on trial here!

That's right, young lady.

Okay, okay.

Guess we have to do the vagina-y part.

Wha...? What?

What are you doing?

Remember...

even though we're doing this,

we are not your boyfriend.

What?

Scooch down on the table,

put your legs in those restraints,

and present.

What? Wait.

I feel a lot more comfortable with a woman in here.

Aren't there any women on the Women's Health Committee?

That'd be like letting the lions run the zoo.

(laughter)