Donald Trump is, unfortunately,

still officially president-elect,

which means two things have to happen.

One-- we need more hashtags.

(laughter)

-Hashtag more hashtags, that's right. -(laughter)

Hashtag more, people.

And two-- while waiting for the hashtags to work,

now might also be a good time to learn

what Donald Trump's plans are for the country,

because somehow, during an 18-month campaign,

-we never actually asked. -(laughter)

We never actually asked policy questions.

You realize there are so many things we don't know.

We don't even know what the "J" in Donald J. Trump stands for.

-(laughter) -A lot of people don't know this,

but it actually stands

(with Spanish pronunciation): for "Jesus," yeah.

-(laughter) -It's a lot of self-loathing.

But last night, luckily,

from deep within King Midas's rectum,

Donald Trump finally sat down

for his first interview as president-elect.

And I think it was fitting that he went with 60 Minutes,

because this sound...

(clock ticking)

-...sounded like America was running out of time. -(laughter)

On election night, I heard you went completely silent.

Was it a sort of

-realization... -I think so.

-...of the enormity of this thing for you? -I think so.

It's enormous.

I've done a lot of big things.

I've never done anything like this.

It is... it is so big.

It is so, um...

It's so enormous. It's so amazing.

Kind of just took your breathe away, couldn't talk.

A little bit, a little bit.

And I think, um, I realized

that this is a whole different life for me now.

Well, now you know how we feel, Donald.

(laughter)

You're really surprised

that the job of president of the United States of America

is mildly different from selling real estate and meat?

-You're surprised by that? -(laughter)

"This is a whole different life for me now."

After applying for the job for two years,

you shouldn't approach it with the same amount of wonder

that Jasmine did in Aladdin.

-That's not what you do. -(laughter)

Trump's there like,

♪ A whole different life for me now ♪

♪ No one to tell me no or where to go. ♪

-(laughter) -Now don't get me wrong.

Don't get me wrong.

I'm not saying that Donald Trump should downplay the gravity

of the job of president, but it would be nice

if he had an inkling of what he actually had to do.

Because I get it.

The peopled wanted someone fresh.

And if the people wanted someone who could have come in

and known how to dot job right away,

they would have elected Hillary Clinton.

Instead, we got someone who walks around The White House

like a toddler at a space museum.

-(like toddler): "What's this? What's this?" -(laughter)

"What's this? Can I push it?

I like this statue."

(imitating man): "Uh, sir, that's Mike Pence."

-"Oh." -(laughter)

Because, um, correct me if I'm wrong.

If you had just become president of the United States,

and leader of the free world,

what is the one thing you might no longer be focused on?

Are you going to be tweeting, and...

whatever you're upset about, just put out there?

-So... -When you're president?

It's a modern form of communication.

Between Fa... you know, Facebook and Twitter,

and I guess Instagram, I have 28 million people.

-28 million people. -So you are going to keep it up?

I think I picked up yesterday 100,000 people.

-Who is this guy? -(laughter)

He's bragging that he picked up 100,000 followers yesterday?

No, dude, you're going to be president of the United States.

-You picked up 300 million followers. -(laughter)

And we can't block, mute or unfollow you.

But we can still troll you, and we are going to troll you hard.

(applause and cheering) -Hashtag, #hashtagmore.

Hashtag #hashtagmore.

Now one of the reasons this interview was so important

is that since Trump's victory,

America has been grappling with the reported rise

in hate crimes against Muslims, Hispanics, black people,

basically everyone not wearing a red cap.

But it appears that Donald Trump has been so consumed

with Twitter that he hasn't had a chance to check Twitter.

LESLEY STAHL: Mr. Trump said he had not heard about some of

the acts of violence that are popping up in his name.

I'm very surprised to hear that. I would...

-STAHL: Telling Muslims... -I hate to hear that.

I mean, I hate to hear that.

-But you do hear it. -I don't hear it.

Do you want to say anything to those people?

I would say, don't do it. That's terrible.

I am so... saddened to hear that.

And I say stop it if it... if it helps.

I will say this, and I'll say it right to the camera.

Stop it.

(laughter)

"Now... frisk it."

(laughter)

Donald Trump is truly a genius, people, 'cause I can tell you,

whatever I was doing, when I saw this, I stopped.

(laughter)

Maybe... maybe that's his secret plan to beat ISIS.

He's just gonna look them in the camera and say "ISIS, stop it."

(laughter)

-"Illegal immigrants, stop it." -(laughter)

-"Stop signs, you do you..." -(laughter)

"...which involves stopping it."

I think it's nice

that Donald Trump denounced hate crimes performed in his name.

But why do I feel like he's going to find out

what it it's like to tell someone to stop,

but they still keep going, you know?

And as an immigrant,

it's obvious that I would be wary of Donald Trump.

And as a black person, it's obvious

that I would be wary of Donald Trump.

But after this interview, I feel like there's a new group

who should be worried about the Trump presidency,

and that's Donald Trump supporters.

Because he built his entire campaign on three main things:

build a wall, lock her up,

drain the swamp.

Phrases that sound less like a campaign promise

and more like options in a Choose Your Own Adventure book.

But still, a lot of people voted for Donald Trump

because of those promises.

Especially "build a wall."

If he was Michael Jackson, the wall was his Thriller.

And just like Michael Jackson,

he's starting to moonwalk away from it.

Are you really gonna build a wall?

-Yes. -They're talking about a fence

-in the Republican congress. -Sure.

-Would you accept a fence? -Uh...

for certain areas, I would.

I'm sorry, wait, wh... wait, what just happened there?

Did that guy just negotiate himself from a wall to a fence?

What just happened there? No, no, no, I'm sorry.

Because as a Trump supporter,

I would not be impressed with that.

I signed up for a wall!

No one talks about the "great fence of China."

No one talks about the great series

of barrier restrictions of China. No!

We want a wall!

Imagine Mexico. Mexico must be like, "Yo,

"our currency crashed because of that wall.

You better build it, man!"

Humpty Dumpty's like, "What the (bleep), Donald!

"I can't sit on a fence!

I'm not Paul Ryan!"

(laughter, cheering)

-(applause) -Oh, and...

and by the way, by the way, if you voted for Trump

because you thought that no matter what

he would send Hillary to prison, well, uh, bad news, bro.

Are you going to ask for a special prosecutor

to investigate Hillary Clinton over her e-mails?

Well, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna think about it. She did some bad things.

-I mean, she did ... -I know, but a special prosecutor?

-I don't want to hurt them. -Do you think you might...

I don't want to hurt them.

They're-they're good people.

(laughter, groans)

W-Wait. The Clintons are good people?

Good people? Not neutral people.

Good people. Not even, like, okay people.

You went straight to good people...

from this?

Hillary Clinton...

commonly referred to as "Crooked Hillary..."

She's crooked as a three-dollar bill.

She should be in prison.

She's the queen of corruption.

She's a disaster.

She's a dangerous liar...

-She's the devil. -She's a monster.

(laughter)

Wow. From "the devil" to "good people."

That must have been one hell of a fruit basket she sent him.

(laughter)

Damn, Donald.

Donald Trump got elected based on a lot of campaign promises,

and less than a week later he's dropping them

like they're a woman who just turned 45.

-(laughter, groans) -If you... if you voted

for Trump's wall...

now there's a good chance you may not be getting it.

If you voted about Hillary Clinton,

well, that she-devil is set to roam free.

But at least there's still one thing

Donald Trump also promised his people--

to crack down on the corruption--

lobbyists, who he said were running Washington, remember?

"Drain the swamp."

Your own transition team is filled with lobbyists.

It's the only people you have down there.

Everybody's a lobbyist down there.

That's what they are-- they're lobbyists

-to special interests. -On your own transition team.

We're trying to clean up Washington. Look...

-How can you clean... -Everything...

everything down there... there are no people.

We're doing a lot of things to clean up the system,

but everybody that works for government,

they then leave government

and they become a lobbyist, essentially.

I mean, the whole place, it's one big lobbyist.

(laughs): Get the (bleep) out of here, man.

No, you promised, you promised that you would rid Washington

of special interests influence. You said that.

You said you would "drain the swamp."

Now you're bringing the swamp into the White House?

How is that fixing the problem? It's like...

it's like if your toilet was backed up,

so you hire a guy to come to your house to unclog it.

He takes a look, and then he goes, "Hmm, hmm.

"There's, uh, too much (bleep) in this toilet.

"We need to drain this toilet.

"There's only one way to fix this.

Mmm... mmm... mmm..."

(applause, laughter)

-(cheering) -And you know what's crazy is...

you're looking at him like, hey, man,

you just made it worse! What kind of a plumber are you?

And he's like (like Trump): Who said I was a plumber?

I'm an outsider.