- Maybe.

- Oh god dammit.

A bunch a good looking people just walked in.

- Why is that a problem?

Is it because you're gonna be self conscious

about your looks?

- Is it because they're bad at conversation

because they never had to learn?

- Ooh, they remind you of unattainable social standards.

- No, it's 'cause now I'm gonna have to go over there

to try to fuck all of them!

- Grant!

- Hey, I don't like it either.

Trying to fuck good looking people's hard work.

- Can't you take a night off?

- Yeah, can you imagine?!

Let me know if I owe someone money for the beer.

- Hey, I'm serious!

- If I don't do this tonight, I'm gonna regret it tomorrow!

- There will always be hot people, okay?!

They're a renewable resource.

- Yeah, you're right.

You guys are my friends.

Friends are more important than work.

- Okay, tryin' to hook up with people isn't work.

But good.

- Are you on Tinder right now?

- And Bumble and Grinder.

Well, you know these apps make it

so you never get a night off.

You know--

- No.

- In alotta ways--

- Our connected world means we're less connected than ever.

- I hate how focused on this you are right now.

- I hate that you hate that I love to love!

- What?!

- And loving, in this case, means trying to bag attractives.

- Oh, awful.

- Is it awful to work hard at what you love?

I am, in the immortal words of John Lennon,

a working class hero.

- Again, not work.

- And couldn't the workers use a hero these days?

- Please stop.

- Just as Davinci never slept,

so too will I never shrink from my duty

of trying to stick it in some quality wet.

- Gross!

- What separates the dreamers from the achievers?

- How about having the self respect

not to go and bother a bunch of strangers in public?

- Drive.

- Why are you like this?

- Gosh, ya know, I guess it's because I'm from the Midwest,

where we believe in hard work.

We believe in this nation of possibilities.

This is America. In America, we rolled up our sleeves

and say "What can I do, how can I be of service?"

- Oh, not another monologue.

- And what I can do is try to ball

good looking young people, because the only thing harder

than going after what you want to achieve

is looking at yourself in the mirror if you don't even try!

So while I may want to stay with you, my friends,

my comfort and my safety, I am duty bound

to try to hump those probably models.

For may I never be too busy to try

to eat out a stranger at their apartment,

too tired to teach a college student how to give a hand job

too proud to daisy chain.

May I always be American.

- Rootin' for ya, Mike. Bon Chance.

Thanks brother.

- Oh yeah, no, I hate him.

- Yeah.

He always ends up doing this, too.

- 'Preciate it.

- Hey, what happened?!

- Oh, they heard me talking.

They think I'm a creep.

- Hi, I'm Shavonne from College Humor.

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I was abandoned in this office

when I was 10 years old by my parents.

I've only eaten pizza for such a long time.

I think I have scurvy!