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  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

  • and life you love.

  • Now, if youve ever hit rock bottom in your relationships or in your life and wondered

  • if you had the strength to come back and make it to the other side, this episode is for

  • you.

  • Glennon Doyle Melton is a New York Times bestselling author, activist, and creator of the wildly

  • popular online community, Momastery.

  • She’s also the founder of Together Rising, a nonprofit that has raised over 4 million

  • dollars for women and children in crisis.

  • In her highly anticipated memoir, Love Warrior, Glennon tells the story of her journey of

  • self discovery after the implosion of her marriage.

  • Glennon.

  • Marie.

  • Oh my God, I’m so excited.

  • I’m so happy youre here.

  • So first of all, congratulations.

  • You guys, Love Warrior, this is amazing.

  • I could not put your book down.

  • I was so excited every single night to come home and read it.

  • And I had it on my bedside table.

  • Congratulations.

  • Thank you.

  • So let’s start with your story and this concept of brutifal, which I know is core

  • to your brand.

  • What does that mean?

  • Brutifal, ok.

  • So, well, I guess the first time I figured brutifal out was when I was 10 years old.

  • So I just kind of was a super sensitive kid and I remember looking out at life and being

  • like, “Woah, this is likeyikes, like, this is hard and scary and there’s too much

  • pain here,” and so I decided to drop out of life into addiction, so I became bulimic

  • when I was 10 years old.

  • And I think addiction is really just like a hiding place.

  • Right?

  • Where sensitive people go to hide from love and pain.

  • Right?

  • Or from beauty and the brutality of being human.

  • So I hid there for a long time and as addictions do, bulimia morphed into alcoholism which

  • morphed into all the other things.

  • And it wasn’t until I was 25 years old and sitting on a cold bathroom floor staring at

  • a positive pregnancy test just shaking from terror and withdrawal and I was so unfit to

  • be a mother.

  • You know?

  • I’d been lost to addiction for 15 years at that point and I just remember thinking

  • there could not be a worse candidate for motherhood than me on the floor shaking.

  • And still something about that invitation just

  • I’m sorry, about that pregnancy test just read as an invitation to come back to life.

  • And I remember looking at theat the little positive sign and thinking, “Oh, I get it.

  • Like, if I want something this beautiful, if I want to be a mother, then I also have

  • to take all the brutal stuff.”

  • Like, if I’m gonna claim the beautiful parts of life then that means I have to show up.

  • Right?

  • Like, vulnerable.

  • I have to show up like without the booze, without the drugs, without all of the crutches

  • I’ve used.

  • If I want to be a mother I have to just show up sober as me and that means I’m gonna

  • have to take all the pain too.

  • Right, so that’s when I figured out that you can’t have one or the other.

  • Like, you can’t have the beautiful parts of life and not have the brutal parts of life.

  • You know, you can’t do what we try to do, which is selectively numb.

  • Right?

  • I’ll just numb the pain away, I’ll just make the valleys not so bad.

  • And you get none of the mountaintops.

  • Right?

  • So that’s when I figured life is not either/or.

  • You know, like, a fully human life is and both.

  • It’s so brutally hard and it’s also so freaking beautiful.

  • And the beautiful is just a little teeny bit more powerful than the brutal.

  • Right?

  • And that little teeny bit just makes it all worth it.

  • So one of the main messages in your book is the power of rock bottoms in our lives.

  • What was the big rock bottom for you that really catapulted the idea to want to write

  • this book?

  • Rock bottom is just a second home to me, Marie.

  • Soso I had my first rock bottom, which was the bathroom floor pregnancy test eviction

  • from my life as a drunken and bulimic.

  • Right?

  • That’s what a rock bottom is to me, it’s like an eviction from your life.

  • You know, it’s whatever happens thatthere’s a before and after.

  • You know?

  • So whether it’s like it’s a diagnosis or it’s an announcement that youof

  • in a marriage.

  • It’s whatever it is that divides your life into before and after.

  • Soso the first one was the bathroom floor and the pregnancy test and then the second

  • one after that first one I got married and had the baby and had 2 more babies and became

  • this, like… a grown up vertical person that I was just amazed.

  • Like, an upstanding citizen.

  • I had got a library card.

  • Amazing.

  • Yeah, which was still so terrifying when I think about it.

  • So I was just kind of going along with life and I started

  • I became a writer and I was kind of out there.

  • I was likelike kind of a relationships expert.

  • Well, that’s what Amazon said.

  • So if Amazon says it it’s true, right?

  • It’s true.

  • Oh my

  • I didn't know that.

  • So that was really the kind of, the framing of your blog in the beginning.

  • Right.

  • Which I never said.

  • Like, I’ve never said

  • I always said I don't know what the hell I’m doing.

  • Right?

  • But that’s what Amazon said.

  • Sobut that made it more awkward when, and terrifying when, I was in therapy with

  • Craig I guess about 10 years into our marriage and Craig revealed to me, I was clueless about

  • this, but he revealed to me that he had been unfaithful to me our entire marriage.

  • So in less of a relationship way and more of like a serial one night stand kind of way.

  • So anyway, that isthat was a big, huge rock bottom for me because it was the most

  • painful day of my life, I think.

  • Which is saying a lot.

  • Because the first timebecause I felt evicted from my life again, but the first time when

  • I was evicted from my life I was a disaster.

  • Right?

  • Like, I was a drunk and I was a bulimic and I was on drugs.

  • So even I was like, “Good call,” like, solid eviction.

  • You know, like, my life sucks.

  • So I’ll just take this invitation to become something else.

  • A good person.

  • Right, right, right.

  • Right.

  • But this second time I was like I’m everything I’ve ever wanted to be now.

  • Right?

  • Like I’m sober and I’m sane-ish and I’m happy-ish and I’m a mom and I’m a friend

  • and I’m a career woman and now?

  • And I’m a relationships expert.

  • So how the hell am I going to be that anymore?

  • Like, I didn't even know my own relationship, you know?

  • So I just felt likeand I think it’s great, I think because women, we define ourselves

  • so much by our roles.

  • Yes.

  • Right?

  • So we don't even know who we are at a soul level, we justwe grew up by becoming things.

  • Right?

  • I got sober and I’m like, “Oh, I just become stuff.”

  • Like, I’ve got to become a mom and become a… so when all that stuff gets taken away

  • from you and you don't know who you are on a soul level, I was paralyzed.

  • Like, I didn't…

  • I did not know what to do with myself in the morning.

  • Like, I didn't know.

  • If I’m not a mom, if I’m notyou know, my kids fell apart, all of it.

  • And this was like 2 weeks before my first book came out, so then I had to hit the road

  • and

  • Put the smile on.

  • Right.

  • Was that extraordinarily difficult?

  • Like, that internal struggle of knowing that you’d produced this one piece of work and

  • you wanted to see it out in the world and feeling inside like everything has just crumbled.

  • Yeah.

  • Yes, but here’s the good news, when youve been to rock bottom before you also know the

  • power of it.

  • Ok?

  • So the thing about rock bottom isand pain and being evicted from your life, is that

  • you live in the emotional spot of it and the emotional spot of it tells you, well, everything’s

  • over and this is the darkest time in my life and nothing is ever going to be good again.

  • But then you have this wise side of yourself that’s been there before and knows that

  • rock bottom, what it really is is a crisis.

  • Ok?

  • So we all want to avoid crisis, but what crisis literally means is to sift.

  • Ok, so like a child who goes to the beach and lifts up the sand and watches all the

  • sand fall away hoping that there’s treasure left over.

  • Yeah.

  • So that's what crisis does.

  • It sweeps into our life and it forces us to hold up our life and let everything fall away

  • that we thought we needed so that we can find out what’s left over.

  • Right?

  • Like, what can never beand that’s whythat’s why people who have been to rock

  • bottom are the people who are wise and kind and brave and able to laugh at the days to

  • come because these are the people who know that the way this life is designed is that

  • the only things you need are the very things that can never be taken from you.