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  • - This

  • is you in college, and these are the six girls you'll date in college.

  • Were you ever good at sports?

  • We don't know, but the daily 4 AM burritos haven't helped.

  • - Aah! Oh. - You okay?

  • - She looks better in track shorts

  • than literally anything else. - Come on, baby.

  • You can do it! Ten more yards

  • till touchdown! - However, no matter what the activity,

  • you'll always end up the same way: wheezing,

  • doughy, and begging her to slow down.

  • You hate places like this.

  • Never mind.

  • You love places like this. - I love places like this.

  • - Your friend's a promoter or DJ,

  • whichever is cooler. - You're funny. - Is there a

  • non-alphabetical difference between E and X? Cut to six weeks later.

  • You're out of money, too tired,

  • and have no idea what your pants are made of. - Wake

  • up. I know the bouncer at Prolapse. - You wouldn't give up this nap for all the

  • coked-up sex in the world.

  • Happy dinosaur riding.

  • - Sorry.

  • - Face it. You're a nice guy. - Did do you drink all of those beers?

  • - But to her, you're James Dean with Wolverine claws.

  • It's fun to play the crazy guy, but there's no

  • crazy like real repressed crazy. - Not tonight?

  • - No. - Fine. - The worst part?

  • She's still going to wake you up

  • for 8 a.m. mass. This

  • is it, the perfect 10, what years of television,

  • print advertising, and internet porn have taught you-- - Baby, you're not using the couples wallpaper I gave you.

  • - Why you? She saw a Wes Anderson trailer once and thinks you're quirky.

  • Who cares? Look at her. How long will it last? What's your talents for crippling

  • insecurities and Kesha?

  • You watched Teen Mom without me? You're just like my dad! - You'll keep a picture of her to show to friends.

  • She will not. She's the only girl who can beat you in Mario Kart.

  • She's the only girl who will play you in Mario Kart.

  • - Ha, you drive like my floppy vagina! - Shut up!

  • - Relaxed, comfortable, always by your side.

  • It's like dating your hoodie, but who

  • in their right mind would want to f--k their hoodie?

  • She's funny,

  • smart, beautiful, and all you're doing is wondering what she's doing there with

  • you.

  • - Is everything okay? - Yeah. - Come on. Be confident.

  • You're not going to mess this up. You won't mess this up.

  • You won't mess this up. How did you mess this up? - We can still be

  • friends, right? - You were too afraid of messing things up.

  • And that messed things up. Maybe that's irony. Don't look at us.

  • You're the one with a liberal arts degree. That was college.

  • Time to move out, get a job, and spend your days watching internet videos.

  • Maybe

  • you'll even get a real girlfriend.

- This

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大学でデートする6人の女の子 (The Six Girls You'll Date in College)

  • 20151 1096
    韓澐 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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