Welcome to "Weird, Gross, and Beautiful,"

a show where I like to talk about animals that are either

weird, gross, or beautiful, or all three,

whatever I decide to.

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Today we're talking about leeches.

That's what that is.

Leeches, leeches, leeches-- uh-oh, it's not a word anymore.

I feel the same way about leeches

that I feel about maggots, except for leeches aren't

nearly as gross, because they don't crawl inside of you.

They just suck on you.

There used to joke about how there's

an obvious parallel between Robert Pattinson and leeches.

But that's just not fair.

I mean, come on-- leeches are so much

cuter than Robert Pattinson.

Boom!

Nailed it.

They can suck on you from either end,

because they have a sucker on their head and their tail.

The head and tail is kind of a weird way

to think about it, because both ends have a brain.

And that's crazy.

But you know what's even crazier, because I do?

The leech is sectioned into 32 different parts.

And each part has its own brain.

What was their score on their SAT?

80,000 was their score, because they're

so smart, so many brains.

Did that work for you?

I don't know.

Leeches have both male and female sex organs,

which is neat.

So every time that you see a leech,

you could be all like, get off of me, you.

Because you don't want to offend whatever gender

that they've chosen to be.

Leeches can carry up to five times their weight in blood.

If I did that, if I drank that much blood,

which-- why would I do that?

But if I did, they wouldn't let me on the bus.

That's cool with me, because buses are awful.

They're awful.

You know what?

Geese and buses, I bet you, they came from the same place.

They can suck on humans for up to two hours, which

is kind of a long-- I mean, it's not that long.

But it's kind of long.

You could watch "Human Centipede Two" together,

if you wanted to, just hang out, little leech buddies.

There are 700 different types of leeches,

so far, that we know of.

But 90 of live on land.

That's crazy.

I didn't know that you, technically,

should be checking yourself for leeches at all times.

I thought you only had a check for them

once you'd broken out of jail and swam

through the swamp to escape.

Thank you for watching "Weird, Gross, and Beautiful."

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And you can let me know what weird, gross,

or beautiful animal that you would

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And also, be sure to check out my episode on octopuses.

I drew this.

I drew all this.

That, I didn't draw that.

Don't worry about it.

Bye.