Ladies and gentlemen,

Welcome to the 2016 Presidential Debate.

Get your popcorn ready!

This is POLITICLASH!

*Five, six, seven, eight*

Hi, Hillary here

Woman up

Been in power for many a year

Spent a decade or three in political spheres

You say I'm just the first lady?

You're killing me here

Strolling up to the White House I never forget

The smell of carpe diem carpet bombs

And cieling the debt

Back when I operated Bill like a marionette

Sporting Gepetto stilettos

Taking on ghettos and terror threats

The real boy toyed with the wrong brunette

Pinocchioing poking around to get his wood wet

Still eight years running, didn't break a sweat

Left with my head on my shoulders

I'm no Marie Antoinette

My speed is breakneck, take checks

Won't apologize for the upset

Didn't die with my man

This ain't no Romeo-Juliet

Mama's back for the votes, call me suffragette

Forget Bill

I'm an á la carte oligarch

and I'm crushing it

Hi, Clinton is back

Suit up

In a pant suit and on the attack

Brute up

Protecting people from here to Iraq

Gonna pick up that torch from Barack

You can sing hallelujah

But I'm too much to handle

Forget Shonda Rhymes

I invented the scandal

Benghazi Nazi paparazzi come and stir up another fuss

Call TIME magazine

I'm the queen of the coverups

Gonna kick ass and take blames

Upper class, I'll take aim

Put Burnie in an urn

And fight the fanboy fanned flames

I'm hyper activist

The lion, elephant's nemesis

An emotional strategist

Black mamba, I'm venemous

Wrathful warrior pacifist

Channel Yahweh in Genesis

I'm the gaudiest godliest godless minimal feminist

I'm HRC

New election, new me

All hail the female in 2016

Uh, Hillary, uh, can I talk?

No?

Terrific.

Alright.

So we're supposed to elect you

Just because you're a woman

You're less likeable than Cruz

And he looks like a melting snowman

Such excitement for indictment

This email thing's a bad omen

Getting cold, better run to Putin

Before you get Snowden

Don't be alarmed, it's just me

The real Donald Trump

I'm here to smear to give your ladies

And your rating a bump

You pumped?

I'm the buyer's choice to make America great again

Mission's simple: give permisson

to let Americans hate again

Speaking of which, Obama's a muslim

Talk about foreign aid

Where was he born? Africa?

I popped out in suede

And hey, when life gave me millions

I made billionaide

Best served on ice with a plate

of Barack O'BBQ in the shade

*Money money money money*

Took my casino earnings

Brought some cash to the party

Just spent a weekend at Bernie's

And now we're crashing the parties

Poaching establishment voters

on a Ferrari safari

Talking a big game

Sipping on some fascist Bacardi

JK, I don't drink, I have self control

Unless you're not white, Rosie O'Donnell

or an internet troll

Blew up Republican politics

like the law was Sharia

Made Chris Christie my bitchie

Turned Carson into Madea

Ted held hands with Fiorina

While my fans filled arenas

Poor bruised abused Cruz

I stole his role in God's Not Dead 3-uh

Bernie baby take notes from a true inside outsider

You're a dumbfounded dumb founder

of a movement that floundered

Your camp can riot at my rallies

But don't show up to fight

Things get messy when teens

Start exercising their rights

The Jew has risen

Let's go.

So you're worth millions

Well I'm a meme, that's my net worth

I'm set, working the net

Go on and keep your networks

I'm gonna polarize ya, pulverize ya

Separate the truth from lies ya

Ya can't stop the young people

Bernie's gonna youthenize ya

I'm new and old fashioned

Hi, I'm Bernie Sanders

I came from the streets of Brooklyn

To be your chief commander

I meander gerrymandering

And slander from a witch

Which, by the by, is why I pitched a

Campaign for the no-rich niche

Funded by Americans

Bernie's Super PAC-less

No corruption, no greed

I'm like a ShamWow, no mess

Hit the campaign trail with black sails

Eff the Police

I'm freeing the black males

Stall white collars low ballers

From tipping cash to tip the scales

Gonna fill the jails with laymen

Hope their souls are worth the savings

Misbehave in the Caymans

Trump, you're gonna go to hell for your havens

Oh boy

Hey Satan, is this seat taken?

America's got a white collar craving

I'm the second most popular socialist Jew

Getting praised in this nation

If ya got a couple millions

You'll be revolushunned

I got 99 problems

But my percent ain't one

*P-A-I-N-T*

*subscribe*

*Jon/Hillary* Call Time Magazine, I'm the queen of the cover ups

Gonna kick ass and take blames,

Upper class, I'll take aim

Put Bernie in an urn and fight the fanboy fanned flames

I'm hyper activist, the lion, elephant's nemesis