You're looking at the past, present, and possibly future CEO

-of Pied Piper. -Ah! Ha-ha!

-RICHARD: Oh. -That is--

-(LAUGHS AWKWARDLY) -Oh, congratulations.

-RICHARD: Jared-- -My captain. O, Captain,

my captain. Rise up and hear the bells.

Rise up. For you the flag is flung.

For you the bugle trills.

-All right. Dismissed. -(CHUCKLES)

Well, uh... just to remind you,

Pied Piper is still a sinking ship, so...

Enough with the maritime metaphors.

This is honestly, like, the best birthday gift

that I ever could have asked for.

-It's your birthday? -Oh, I don't know.

The CPS worker couldn't find my birth certificate,

but... maybe now it is.