between Harlem and the Bronx.

ハーレムとブロンクスの間でした

Growing up as a boy, we were taught

子供の頃　こう言われました

that men had to be tough, had to be strong,

男たるものはタフで強く―

had to be courageous, dominating --

勇敢で人の上に立ち

no pain, no emotions,

痛みにも 動揺するなと言われた

with the exception of anger --

持っていい感情は怒りだけ

and definitely no fear;

恐れなど持つな

that men are in charge,

男には責任があるが

which means women are not;

女にはない

that men lead,

世の中を引っ張るのは男だ

and you should just follow and do what we say;

四の五の言わずついてこい

that men are superior; women are inferior;

男性は優れていて 女性は劣っている

that men are strong; women are weak;

男性は強く 女性は弱い

that women are of less value,

女性は価値が低く

property of men,

男性の付属品

and objects,

道具です

particularly sexual objects.

もっと言うと性的な対象だ

I've later come to know that to be

のちに私は気付きました

the collective socialization of men,

こうして男性は社会化され

better known

「男らしさ」の枠に

as the "man box."

閉じ込められるのです

See this man box has in it

この箱の中には

all the ingredients

よく言われているような

of how we define what it means to be a man.

「男性らしさ」が入っています

Now I also want to say, without a doubt,

ここで断言しておきますが

there are some wonderful, wonderful,

男性でいることには

absolutely wonderful things

とても素晴らしいことも

about being a man.

もちろんあります

But at the same time,

しかし同時に

there's some stuff

もろに歪んでいる―

that's just straight up twisted,

「男らしさ」もあります

and we really need to begin

ですからこの場を借りて

to challenge, look at it

この定義に疑問を投げかけ

and really get in the process

「男らしさ」の要素を

of deconstructing, redefining,

ひとつひとつ分解し

what we come to know as manhood.

再定義してみようと思います

This is my two at home, Kendall and Jay.

私の子供ケンダルとジェイ

They're 11 and 12.

1２歳と1１歳の兄妹で

Kendall's 15 months older than Jay.

年の差は15ヶ月

There was a period of time when my wife -- her name is Tammie -- and I,

妻のタミーと私は共働きで

we just got real busy and whip, bam, boom:

あくせく勤めていたら

Kendall and Jay.

ケンダルとジェイが生まれました

(Laughter)

（笑い）

And when they were about five and six,

子供達がまだ5歳か6歳の

four and five,

幼かったときは

Jay could come to me,

ジェイが私のところに

come to me crying.

泣きながらやってきたら

It didn't matter what she was crying about,

理由が何であっても

she could get on my knee, she could snot my sleeve up,

私は娘をひざに座らせて

just cry, cry it out.

泣き止むのを待ち

Daddy's got you. That's all that's important.

父として娘の傍にいました

Now Kendall on the other hand --

しかしケンダルには違います

and like I said, he's only 15 months older than her --

15ヶ月早く生まれただけですが

he'd come to me crying,

彼が私のところに

it's like as soon as I would hear him cry,

泣きながらやってくるのが分かると

a clock would go off.

私はカウントを始めます

I would give the boy probably about 30 seconds,

私のところに来るまでに

which means, by the time he got to me,

30秒ほど間をおいてから

I was already saying things like, "Why are you crying?

「どうしたんだ？

Hold your head up. Look at me.

顔を上げて 私を見なさい

Explain to me what's wrong.

理由を説明しなさい

Tell me what's wrong. I can't understand you.

言わなければ分からないよ

Why are you crying?"

何で泣いているんだ」と質問します

And out of my own frustration

そして自分の息子を

of my role and responsibility

「男らしく」育てるという

of building him up as a man

父親としての責任を

to fit into these guidelines

無理に果たそうとすると

and these structures that are defining this man box,

だんだん腹が立ってきて

I would find myself saying things like,

つい言ってしまうのです

"Just go in your room.

「部屋に戻りなさい―

Just go on, go on in your room.

いいから戻るんだ

Sit down,

大人しく座って

get yourself together

頭を冷やしてから

and come back and talk to me

また話に来るときは

when you can talk to me like a --" what?

もっと「何らしく」話しなさいと？

(Audience: Man.)

（観客 「男らしく」）

Like a man.

そうです

And he's five years old.

息子はまだ5歳なのに

And as I grow in life,

私も幼い頃は

I would say to myself,

よく思いました

"My God, what's wrong with me?

僕のどこがいけないんだろう

What am I doing? Why would I do this?"

何でだろう　と考えました

And I think back.

息子をしかった時は

I think back to my father.

父のことを思い出します

There was a time in my life

私達の家族は

where we had a very troubled experience in our family.

とても辛い経験をしました

My brother, Henry, he died tragically

私がまだ10代のころ

when we were teenagers.

兄弟のヘンリーが亡くなりました

We lived in New York City, as I said.

当時私たち家族は

We lived in the Bronx at the time,

ブロンクスに住んでいて

and the burial was in a place called Long Island,

葬儀が行われたロングアイランドは

it was about two hours outside of the city.

家から2時間ぐらい離れていました

And as we were preparing

葬儀を終え

to come back from the burial,

家に戻る準備をし

the cars stopped at the bathroom

この先の長い道のりを考え

to let folks take care of themselves

みんなにトイレを済ませてもらおうと

before the long ride back to the city.

車を停めました

And the limousine empties out.

母や姉妹などは

My mother, my sister, my auntie, they all get out,

リムジンから降りましたが

but my father and I stayed in the limousine,

父と私は残っていました

and no sooner than the women got out,

女性達がその場を去ると

he burst out crying.

突然父が泣き出しました

He didn't want cry in front of me,

私に見られたくなかったでしょうが

but he knew he wasn't going to make it back to the city,

このままでは帰り道に泣いてしまうと思ったのでしょう

and it was better me than to allow himself

女達の前で悲しがるよりは

to express these feelings and emotions in front of the women.

息子の前の方がましだと考える

And this is a man

これが男性です

who, 10 minutes ago,

ほんの10分前に

had just put his teenage son

自分の息子を

in the ground --

埋葬したばかり

something I just can't even imagine.

私には考えられないことです

The thing that sticks with me the most

一番心に残っているのは

is that he was apologizing to me

私の前で泣いたのを

for crying in front of me,

父が謝ったことです

and at the same time, he was also giving me props,

そして両手を差し出して

lifting me up,

私が泣かないように

for not crying.

抱え上げてくれました

I come to also look at this

このように男性は

as this fear that we have as men,

「男性らしさ」の定義から

this fear that just has us paralyzed,

外れる事を恐れるがために

holding us hostage

泣きたい時も

to this man box.

泣けないのです

I can remember speaking

そういえば以前

to a 12-year-old boy, a football player,

12歳のフットボール選手に

and I asked him, I said,

聞いたことがあります

"How would you feel if,

「君のことをコーチが

in front of all the players,

チーム全員の前で

your coach told you you were playing like a girl?"

女みたいと言ったらどう思う？」

Now I expected him to say something like,

悲しいとか腹が立つと

I'd be sad; I'd be mad; I'd be angry, or something like that.

答えると思っていたら

No, the boy said to me --

その男の子は

the boy said to me,

こう言ったのです

"It would destroy me."

「生きて行けないよ」

And I said to myself,

私はこう思いました

"God, if it would destroy him

女呼ばわりされると

to be called a girl,

男子は生きていけないのなら

what are we then teaching him

男子にどうやって

about girls?"

女子のこと教えられるでしょうか

(Applause)

（拍手）

It took me back to a time

私が12歳ぐらいのときは

when I was about 12 years old.

どうだったでしょうか

I grew up in tenement buildings in the inner city.

ブロンクスのスラム街近くの

At this time we're living in the Bronx,

安アパートで暮らしていました

and in the building next to where I lived there was a guy named Johnny.

隣に住むジョニーは

He was about 16 years old,

16歳ぐらいでしたから

and we were all about 12 years old -- younger guys.

私達は弟分でした

And he was hanging out with all us younger guys.

よくみんなで遊んでいましたが

And this guy, he was up to a lot of no good.

ジョニーは不良だったので

He was the kind of kid who parents would have to wonder,

親達は心配していました

"What is this 16-year-old boy doing with these 12-year-old boys?"

「どんな遊びをしているのだろう？」ってね

And he did spend a lot of time up to no good.

悪さばかりしていたジョニーは

He was a troubled kid.

問題児扱いでした

His mother had died from a heroin overdose.

母親がヘロイン中毒で亡くなり

He was being raised by his grandmother.

祖母に育てられたのです

His father wasn't on the set.

父親はいません

His grandmother had two jobs.

祖母はずっと仕事で

He was home alone a lot.

ジョニーは家に一人ぼっち

But I've got to tell you, we young guys,

でも私達の間では

we looked up to this dude, man.

尊敬されていました

He was cool. He was fine.

おしゃれで格好良いジョニーは

That's what the sisters said, "He was fine."

女の子からもモテて

He was having sex.

恋人もいたので

We all looked up to him.

憧れの的でした

So one day, I'm out in front of the house doing something --

ある日 家の外で

just playing around, doing something -- I don't know what.

何かをして遊んでいると

He looks out his window; he calls me upstairs; he said, "Hey Anthony."

ジョニーが部屋の窓から

They called me Anthony growing up as a kid.

私のニックネームで

"Hey Anthony, come on upstairs."

「アンソニー」と呼ぶのです

Johnny call, you go.

来いと言われたので

So I run right upstairs.

急いで上がって行くと

As he opens the door, he says to me, "Do you want some?"

「お前もやるか」と聞かれました

Now I immediately knew what he meant.

すぐに何か分かりました

Because for me growing up at that time,

当時少年だった私の

and our relationship with this man box,

「男らしい」行動を考えると

"Do you want some?" meant one of two things:

「やるか？」と聞かれた場合

sex or drugs --

セックスかドラックです

and we weren't doing drugs.

ドラッグはやっていませんでした

Now my box, my card,

すると

my man box card,

私の「男らしさ」は

was immediately in jeopardy.

窮地に立たされました

Two things: One, I never had sex.

私はセックスも未経験だった

We don't talk about that as men.

それは男同士で話しませんでした

You only tell your dearest, closest friend, sworn to secrecy for life,

よほどの親友でなければ

the first time you had sex.

初体験の話はしない

For everybody else, we go around like we've been having sex since we were two.

君が初めてだよと言う人は

There ain't no first time.

たいてい噓つきです

(Laughter)

（笑い）

The other thing I couldn't tell him is that I didn't want any.

しかし どちらも嫌と言うのも

That's even worse. We're supposed to always be on the prowl.

男としては恥ずかしいことです

Women are objects,

女はいつも男にとって

especially sexual objects.

性的対象なのですから

Anyway, so I couldn't tell him any of that.

私は迷っていました

So, like my mother would say, make a long story short,

結局ジョニーには

I just simply said to Johnny, "Yes."

「やるよ」とだけ言いました

He told me to go in his room.

彼の部屋に行くと

I go in his room. On his bed is a girl from the neighborhood named Sheila.

ベッドに近所のシェイラがいました

She's 16 years old.

16歳の彼女は

She's nude.

裸でした

She's what I know today to be mentally ill,

当時は知らなかったのですが

higher-functioning at times than others.

シェイラは知的障害があったのです

We had a whole choice of inappropriate names for her.

彼女をひどく侮辱してから

Anyway, Johnny had just gotten through having sex with her.

ジョニーはセックスをしました

Well actually, he raped her, but he would say he had sex with her.

レイプに近い状況でしたが

Because, while Sheila never said no,

シェイラは断らなかったと言うのです

she also never said yes.

しかし許してもいません

So he was offering me the opportunity to do the same.

そして私もやれと言うのです

So when I go in the room, I close the door.

部屋に入ってドアを閉めると

Folks, I'm petrified.

私は動けなくなりました

I stand with my back to the door so Johnny can't bust in the room

そしてジョニーが入って来ないように

and see that I'm not doing anything,

ドアを背中で押さえていました

and I stand there long enough that I could have actually done something.

かなりの長い間何もしないで

So now I'm no longer trying to figure out what I'm going to do;

ドアの所に立って考えていたのは

I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get out of this room.

どうやって部屋を出るかでした

So in my 12 years of wisdom,

まだ12歳の私は

I zip my pants down,

ズボンのチャックを下ろして

I walk out into the room,

部屋を出たのです

and lo and behold to me,

するとどうでしょう

while I was in the room with Sheila,

シェイラと部屋にいた時

Johnny was back at the window calling guys up.

ジョニーは仲間を呼んだらしく

So now there's a living room full of guys.

リビングは人がたくさんいて

It was like the waiting room in the doctor's office.

病院の待合室のようでした

And they asked me how was it,

感想を聞かれたので

and I say to them, "It was good,"

「よかった」と言っておきました

and I zip my pants up in front of them,

それからチャックを上げて

and I head for the door.

玄関に向かったのです

Now I say this all with remorse,

今も後悔しています

and I was feeling a tremendous amount of remorse at that time,

当時はもっと後悔していました

but I was conflicted, because, while I was feeling remorse, I was excited,

嘘がバレなかったことは

because I didn't get caught.

嬉しかったのですが

But I knew I felt bad about what was happening.

悪いことをした気分でした

This fear, getting outside the man box,

「男らしく」ないことをしたと

totally enveloped me.

不安になりました

It was way more important to me,

私にとって重要だったのは

about me and my man box card

シェイラに対する事ではなく

than about Sheila

私が「男らしく」ない行動を

and what was happening to her.

してしまった事でした

See collectively, we as men

男性は一般的に

are taught to have less value in women,

女性を見下したがり

to view them as property and the objects of men.

女性を男性の所有物と考えます

We see that as an equation that equals violence against women.

それらが女性に対する暴力になるのです

We as men, good men,

男性の大多数は

the large majority of men,

とても賢い生き物だから

we operate on the foundation

社会全体の根幹を

of this whole collective socialization.

男性が支配しているなどど

We kind of see ourselves separate, but we're very much a part of it.

人間を分けて考えるのが男性です

You see, we have to come to understand

みなさんに分かって欲しいのは

that less value, property and objectification is the foundation