Thor: You want me to put the hammer down?

(large explosion)

(coughing)

Captain America: Are we done here?

Loki: Hello!

Iron Man: You're still here?

Loki: Yes...

Thor: Why didn't you run away while we settled our

differences?

Loki: I'll never tell! Muhuhahaha...

Hmmhmmhmmhmm...Muhuhuhahaha...hahahahaha!

Captain America: OK, we are not taking him back to base.

He is DEFINITELY up to something!

How The Avengers Should Have Ended

Cap: Whoa! Haha! Shield!

Iron Man: Gentlemen, right this way!

Hawkeye: (unintelligible)

(Hulk roars)

Thor: Ha! Here comes the hammer!

Black Widow: Pew pew pew!

Captain America: Captainball!

Thor: --from whence you came!

Nick Fury: Say what again! I dare you! I DOUBLE dare you!

(Black Widow yells)

Hulk: Puny god, puny god, puny god!

(Iron Man grunts)

Iron Man: Tank missile!

(Hulk pants)

Iron Man: Hey, you guys ever had shawarma?

(music ends)

Superman: This place serves food?!

Iron Man: Yeah. You never had shawarma, either?

Hulk: SHAWARMA!

(hungrily devours shawarma)

Captain America: Why do I have to sit on Hulk's lap?

Thor: Mmm! Another!

(smashes)

Batman: Hey...I'm Batman. You want to know my secret

identity?

Black Widow: ... why?

Superman (clears throat): So, you guys had quite a

weekend.

Captain America: Heh, that's an understatement.

Superman: First you guys were all against each other, then

your buddy got killed, so you're suddenly friends...

Hulk: Pffh! Someone die?

Iron Man: Uh...yeah, you kinda missed out on that part.

Black Widow: But luckily you still wanted to be friends later.

Hulk: Oh.

Batman: Right, you fell from the sky and conveniently

learned to control your rage...

Superman: And did you steal a motorcycle?

Hulk: Um. Details not important...

Superman: Details like Odin being able to send Thor back

to Earth?

Thor: What?

Batman: Or the professor conveniently making a way to

close the portal? That worked out well for you guys.

Superman: Or the Chitauri all dying "Phantom Menace"

style after the nuke?

Batman: Yep. One convenient thing after another...

Captain America: Hmm, kind of like your utility belt!

(Avengers laugh)

Iron Man: You know what I think? I think you two are just

jealous that we knocked it out of the park.

(Avengers indistinctly cheering)

Hawkeye: Sorry, guys...

Batman: I'm not jealous. I'm Batman...

Superman: I guess I would be jealous... if I wasn't, like,

all of you combined. If I couldn't fly or shoot lasers or

catch missiles and see really far, smash buildings and wear

red, and...

(money rustling)

Iron Man: What's that? You're fading out...

Captain America: Whoa! We've broken too many records!

Thor: We can't hear you through all this box office money...

(Avengers laugh)

(Batman sighs)

Hulk: Shawarma!

(epic music plays)

Hawkeye: Natasha? Do I have a mark on my face? It really

hurts...right here.

Not here...or here so much, but right here.

Black Widow: Nope. Ship shape.

Captain America: Hey guys, time to suit up...oh my

GOSH, what happened to your face?

Hawkeye: I knew it...

Captioning by Evan Reynolds