NECK OF THE WOODS, BUT HERE IN NEW YORK CITY, IT WAS 75 DEGREES

TODAY.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) AND I CAN'T-- NICE.

I CANNOT WAIT FOR THEM TO PUT UP THE ROCKEFELLER CHRISTMAS TREE.

IT IS GOING TO LOOK SO FESTIVE RIGHT NEXT TO THE ROCKEFELLER

WADING POOLING.

( APPLAUSE ) BUT IT TURNS OUT CLIMATE CHANGE

MIGHT HAVE A DOWNSIDE.

A NEW STUDY CLAIMS HUMANS WILL HAVE "LESS SEX ON A WARMER

PLANET BECAUSE-- AND THIS IS A QUOTE--

"HOT WEATHER LEADS TO DIMINISHED COITAL FREQUENCY."

ALSO LEADING TO DIMINISHED COITAL FREQUENCY?

THE PHRASE "COITAL FREQUENCY."

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) CHECK MY COITAL FREQUENCY.

NOW, ON THE FACE OF IT, IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE: PEOPLE IN HOT

CLIMATES NEVER HAVE SEX.

LOOK AT SPRING BREAK.

IT'S A LITTLE SCARY, IT'S A LITTLE SCARY, BUT YOU KNOW WHO

THIS STUDY MAKES ME FEEL REALLY BAD FOR?

THE SCIENTISTS WHO RELEASED IT.

THIS IS HOW LOW THEY'VE HAD TO SINK TO GET OUR ATTENTION.

THEY'VE TRIED EVERYTHING ELSE.

THEY SAID WE'LL HAVE MORE HEAT WAVES, HURRICANES, TORNADOES.

WE SAID, "GREAT, THE WEATHER CHANNEL COULD USE SOME ZAZZ."

THEY SAID RISING TEMPERATURES WOULD MELT GLACIERS AND ICE

CAPS.

WE SAID, "OH, THAT'S NICE.

'TITANIC' WILL FINALLY HAVE ITS REVENGE."

THEY SAID THAT RISING SEA LEVELS WOULD PUT PARTS OF FLORIDA UNDER

WATER.

WE SAID, "ONLY PARTS?" ( LAUGHTER )

( APPLAUSE ) ( CHEERS )

YOU SEE, AMERICANS DON'T SCARE EASILY.

YOU CAN'T JUST APPEAL TO OUR CONSCIENCE OR OUR HUMANITY.

YOU'VE GOT TO HIT US WHERE WE LIVE-- YOU KNOW, IN THE BATHING

SUIT AREA.

SO I DON'T THINK IT'S A COINCIDENCE THAT TODAY

BARACK OBAMA STRUCK A BLOW AGAINST GLOBAL WARMING BY

CANCELING THE KEYSTONE XL PIPELINE.

( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PEOPLE FEEL DIFFERENT WAYS ABOUT

IT.

HE'S GOING TO STOP THEM FROM LAYING THAT PIPE, SO YOU CAN

CONTINUE TO.