B1 中級 1970 タグ追加 保存
-Come on, David.
-I'm so anxious today.
I have a date with a wholesome, beautiful girl from
the Midwest.
-Where are you gong to take a girl like that?
I mean, you only hang out at cool restaurants and the
downtown comedy venues.
Big time red carpet events.
Tell me about it.
-You know, Barry Manilow's in town tonight at the Garden.
You should take her there.
Homespun people love him.
-Nah, the Low's been sold out for weeks, bro.
I should know.
I tried to blow this guy at a radio station for tix.
-Well, you know, I can just scalp tix at the arena.
I'm really good at getting deals on things.
What can you get from scalper?
-I could probably get, like, orch tix.
-Orch tix?
-Orch tix.
-You're kidding me.
-I could get orch tix.
-If you get 'em, more power to you, girl.
-That's right, man.
-Manilow tix.
Manilow tix.
Tix to Manilow.
Tix to the Barry.
-Yo, yo, yo, my main man, me and this fine young lady need
some tix to the Manilow show in the Gar-den.
You gonna lay me on, or what?
-Are you talking in a different language.
-Here, take a look at them.
-Orchestra pit, row one.
You can feel Barry's spit hitting you.
-Oh, I can't wait to tell my friends back in Iowa that
Barry Manilow spit on me.
-You got a deal.
Well, this is our entrance.
-Wow, it's all VIP, like Pamela Anderson.
Do you know her?
-Oh, yeah, I love that guy.
God, I just wish they would install some light bulbs in
this place, you know?
I just don't know about these tickets.
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): That's because you're not at
Madison Square Garden.
You're inside a giant's butthole.
-Who was that anyway?
FEMALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): It's me, Renee Zellweger I
scalped tickets to see a Matthew Barney exhibit.
-Oh, I loved you in Miss Congeniality.
-That was Sandra Bullock, Ellie Mae.
-So if we're inside a giant's butthole, is the giant
watching the Barry Manilow concert?
He's watching Desperate Housewives on TV.
You can hear him laugh.
MALE SPEAKER (OFFSCREEN): I scalped tickets to see Tom
Stoppard's Rock 'N' Roll, and ended up in a giant's rectum.
-Who are you?
-Oh, I loved you in Rush Hour.
KOFI ANNAN (OFFSCREEN): That was Chris Tucker.
I'm the former UN Secretary General, you, you, you white
trash poster child.
Must be good Housewives episode.
-Hey, it's getting crowded in here.
I'm waiting for the Tom Waits concert to start.
Yeah, you're out of luck, stranger.
You're inside a giant's poo-hole.
Who are you?
-It's me, Charlie Rose.
Well, this is a pickle I'm in.
I've got to do a show, and I'm stuck here.
-You know, you sound like someone who's from where I'm
-Sorry, there, Ellie Mae, but we had books and toothpaste
where I grew up.
-Good one, Charlie Rose.
Hey, I have an idea.
We can do what Jonah did to get out of the
belly of the whale.
You Midwesterners are always drunk on moonshine, right?
So what you're going to do is drink this big bottle of
moonshine, and then we're gonna get kicked out by the
bouncers 'cause you're gonna get so obnoxiously drunk.
-I've been sober for five years, but I will do it.
Drink this.
-I'll do it.
Drink it up.
-Get the hell out of here, you drunk.
You do not throw up on Charlie Rose in a nice place like
-Nice place, my eye.
This place is inside of a giant's asshole.
-Well, thank you for at least saving our lives.
-Let's drink to celebrate.
I love you, Ellen.
But I can't be in a relationship with you until
you treat your illness.
It's killing everyone around us.
-(SLURRING) Does I have Ebola?
You're an alcoholic.
Let me hear you say it.
-I'm a alcoholic.
-Yes, I'm so glad you admit it.
You said it.
She said it, everybody.
-I said it!
-That's the first step.
And now we're going to lock you up for a couple months in
a treatment center in New Mexico.
-That sounds good.
-First just give me a kiss to celebrate.
-Mmnh, yeah.
You're gonna be just fine.
-Have a good trip.
-One day at a time.
-OK, baby.
-Love you.
Hey David, you're not going to send me away too because I
like alcohol, are you?
-No, the difference is I'm not trying to sleep with you.
-Good point.
That was nice of you to buy her a ticket.
-Oh, it was really cheap.
I scalped it on the street.
-Goodbye, David.
Not again.
Yet another funny adventure in my fictionalized life.
-Nice work, Dave.
-Why don't you come inside?
I mean, you know, we can get to know each other better.
-Wait, hold on.
Come inside?


Wainy Days 17: Jonah and the Manilow - REMASTERED!

1970 タグ追加 保存
紅謹 2013 年 5 月 4 日 に公開
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