字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント >> Dave: NOW HERE IS AN ANNOUNCEMENT THAT I HEARD, AND I JUST HEARD THIS ANNOUNCEMENT, REMEMBER STAR TREK, THE SHOW STAR TREK, THE GUY WHO PLAYED SULU ANNOUNCED THAT HE WAS GAY, DID YOU REALIZE THAT, HE ANNOUNCED THAT HE WAS GAY. SET YOUR TASERS ON STUN. (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: WHAT? (LAUGHTER) I GOT A -- I WASN'T EVEN CLOSE. SET YOUR FASERS ON FABULOUS. >> Paul: AH! (APPLAUSE) >> Paul: EITHER WAY. SHORE. THAT WAS THE ONLY WAY. (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: SO I SAY SET YOUR TASERS THAT -- (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: AND IF YOU ARE GAY, THEN SET YOUR TASERS ON STUN. UNLIKELY. (LAUGHTER) >> Dave: BUT WE STARTED OUT THE WEEK WITH AN OLD FRIEND, AND I SAID BY GOD IF HE IS STILL IN TOWN, AND I THINK HE IS IN TOWN ON BUSINESS. I SAID GET AHOLD OF HIM AND SEE IF WE CAN'T FINISH THE WEEK THE SAME WAY, AN OLD FRIEND OF US HERE AT THE LATE SHOW, DO ME A FAVOR, MAKE HIM FEEL AT HOME, IT IS THE GUY ON FIRE. COME ON OUT. (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: HE'S IN TOWN ON BUSINESS. >> YOU KNOW, THE REAL PROBLEM WITH THAT IS THE SECONDHAND SMOKE. >> I WAS GOING TO SAY. >> THAT'S WHAT WILL KILL YOU. >> JUST AS DANGEROUS. >> Dave: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ON THE PROGRAM TONIGHT, HOW ABOUT THIS, TED KOPPEL IS JOINING US. >> Paul: OH, REALLY? (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: TED, OF COURSE, WAS THE FOUNDING FATHER AND HOST OF NIGHT LINE FOR 25 YEARS, 25 YEARS, THAT'S REMARKABLE. ABSOLUTELY. AND HE'S DOING HIS FINAL NIGHT LINE SHOW >> Paul: HE IS A GOOD PLAYER. >> AND THERE IS A -- WE'VE BEEN HERE IN THE THEATRE, HOW LONG, 12 YEARS. AND CBS HAS A GROUP OF PAGES. AND IT'S KIDS RIGHT OUT OF COLLEGE AND THEY COME HERE AND WORK FOR A COUPLE YEARS AND WORK THEIR WAY UP THROUGH THE BROADCAST BUSINESS. AND WE FOUND OUT A MONTH OR TWO AGO THAT THERE IS A GUY HERE WHO HAS BEEN A PAGE NOT FOR TWO YEARS, YOU KNOW HOW LONG? 38 YEARS. 38 YEARS. THAT TELLS YOU THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG. I THINK THAT HE IS LOST IN THE SYSTEM. >> I SEE. >> Dave: HE HAS BEEN OVERLOOKED. NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND HAS TURNED ITS BACK. SO WE BRING HIM OUT HERE EVERY NOW AND THEN TO SEE HOW HE IS DOING. 9 OLDEST PAGE AT CBS, SAY HELLO TO JOHNNY DARK. JOHNNY, COME ON OUT. (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: JOHNNY DARK, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. JOHNNY DARK. JOHNNY IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE -- >> HANG ON, THE SHOW IS ALMOST OVER. >> OH, I SEE, YOU BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE NEW VIDEO -- VIDEO iPODS, MAN? >> OH, MAN, I WOULD NAIL EVERY ONE OF THOSE DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES. >> Dave: SO YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF AN iPOD, IS THAT THE DEAL? >> YOU HONESTLY BELIEVE THAT I COULD AFFORD A VIDEO iPOD ON THE SALARY I MAKE IN THIS DUMP YOU -- NO, I FOUND IT IN THE AUDIENCE. AFTER THE SHOW LAST NIGHT. (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: SO I -- I ASSUME YOU ARE PLANNING ON RETURNING IT, RIGHT? >> WELL, IF I RETURN IT, YOU MEAN PAWN IT AND GET A WHORE? >> Dave: WELL, THAT'S JUST -- THAT'S AWFUL. THAT'S JUST AWFUL. >> WELL THEN, SURE. >> Dave: I'M SORRY, JOHNNY, ARE YOU NOT ALLOWED TO SMOKE IN THE THEATRE. I'M SORRY. >> WELL, REMIND ME TO BRING THAT UP NEXT TIME YOU BLOW SMOKE UP A CELEBRITY'S ASS. (APPLAUSE) >> OH WHAT DID HE SAY? >> Dave: NOW LET'S TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, JOHNNY. WE HAD THE BIG MAYORRAL ELECTION THIS WEEK, DID YOU VOTE? >> VOTE! DID YOU GET A BROW LIFT. >> Dave: NO, I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. >> I AIN'T BEEN IN A VOTING BOOTH SINCE '86. LONG STORY SHORT, MY PANTS GOT CAUGHT IN THE LEVER. >> Dave: OH, NO. >> NEXT THING I KNEW I WAS ARRESTED FOR INDECENT EXPOSURE. >> Dave: I WILL BE DARN, THAT'S TOO BAD. NOW BEFORE YOU GO, DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING PLANNED FOR THE WEEKEND? >> PLANNED? YEAH, I'VE GOT PLANS. IF YOU DON'T MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, I PLAN TO KICK YOUR ASS. >> Dave: WELL, NOW THAT'S -- >> HEY, SHAFFER. LET'S TWIST AGAIN. [♪♪♪] >> GOOD NIGHT. >> Dave: MAN, HOW ABOUT THATING AS THE BATTLE SHAPES UP OVER PRESIDENT BUSH'S LATEST SUPREME COURT NOMINEE THE WHITE HOUSE CONFESSES -- CONTINUES TO CONFESS -- TO SET THEIR TA SESS, TAS, ERS ON STUN, THE WHITE HOUSE CONTINUES TO MAKE MISSTEPS THIS ANNOUNCEMENT DREW CRITICISM ABOUT PRESIDENT BUSH'S LATEST SUPREME COURT NOMINEE, WATCH? >> PRESIDENT BUSH IS CONFIDENT THAT SAMUEL ALITO EXPENSE -- EXTENSIVE JUDEICIAN EXPERIENCE WILL MAKE HIM A MORE VIABLE NOMINEE THAN HARRIET MIERS HOWEVER AS THE CONTINUING SUPPORT HARRIET MIERS -- MAYORS CONTINUES TO GET FROM THE PRESIDENT, HE IS ASKING JUDGE ALITO TO DRESS AS MS. MIERS. GEORGE W. BUSH NOT TODAY. >> Dave: YOU KNOW WHAT? VERY EXCITING TO LEARN THAT OPRAH WINFREY'S BROADWAY MUSICAL "THE COLOR PURPLE" RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET, RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM US AT 53rd AND BROADWAY, AND I WENT OVER THERE THIS MORNING AND I THOUGHT WELL, THIS WILL BE EXCITING. BECAUSE OPRAH IS PRODUCING IT. AND LIKELY SHE HAD BE THERE, PERHAPS EVEN IN THE BOX OFFICE SELLING TICKETS. (LAUGHTER) >> Paul: YEAH. >> Dave: SO I GET MY HOPES, I'M ALL EXCITED. I GO OVER THERE THIS MORNING AND ONCE AGAIN, I WAS DASHED. >> Paul: AH. >> Dave: YEAH, WATCH. ISN'T THAT AWFUL? I CAN'T EVEN -- THEY DON'T WANT ME -- >> CAN'T EVEN GET INTO THE SHOW. (APPLAUSE) >> Paul: AH. >> Dave: MAYBE I WILL JUST PAWN IT AND GET A WHORE. HERE WE GO. HERE AT THE LATE SHOW WE THINK IT'S IMPORTANT FOR YOUNG PEOPLE TO LEARN ABOUT CURRENT EVENTS. WE ALL FEEL THAT WAY, DON'T WE. >> I FEEL THAT WAY. >> Dave: EVEN THE HORN SECTION FEELS THAT WAY. >> YES, THEY DO. >> Dave: WE'RE STARTING A NEW FEATURE CALLED WEEK IN REVIEW FOR KIDS STARRING OUR FRIEND DELI OWNER RUPERT G. TAKE IT AWAY, RUPERT G, WEEK IN REVIEW FOR KIDS. >> HI, KIDS. LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT SOME OF THIS WEEK'S NEWS STORIES WITH MY LITTLE BUDDY Mr. CURRENT EVENTS. (LAUGHTER) >> I'M MICHAEL BROWN, I WRITE CRAZY E-MAILS. >> VERY NICE, MR. CURRENT EVENTS. WHO ELSE IS IN THE NEWS. >> I'M TERRELL OWENS. I CAN'T KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT. >> WOW!. ANYONE ELSE THE KIDS AT HOME SHOULD KNOW ABOUT Mr. CURRENT EVENTS? >> I AM SADDAM HUSSEIN, I'M GETTING READY FOR MY TRIAL LATER THIS WEEK. >> O, SADDAM HUSSEIN, ARE YOU A BAD MAN, HERE IS WHAT I THINK OF YOU. WELL, KIDS, SEE YOU NEXT TIME, STAY IN SCHOOL. (APPLAUSE) >> Dave: MAYBE WE SHOULD OPEN THAT ONE OUT OF TOWN. >> Paul: I WAS GOING TO SAY. (LAUGHTER) >> Dave: YOU GO IN THERE TOMORROW, IT WILL BE IN THE CASE IT WILL BE IN THE CASE. >> IN THANK YOU, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. TED KOPPEL IS HERE TONIGHT, AN TREY AN STASIO, AND IT'S -- WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT, TOM BROKAW RETIRED, DAN RATHER DETIRED, PETER JENNINGS PASSED AWAY, TED KOPPEL IS RETIRING. ALL OF THE GREATS, THE IT WILL BE TOUGH TO FILL. >> Paul: CHANGING OF THE GUARD TOO YOU CAN IMAGINE HOSTING OR BEING PART OF A SHOW FOR 25 YEARS? >> HOW LONG HAVE WE BEEN GOING? >> I DON'T KNOW T SEEMS LIKE AT LEAST TWICE THAT LONG. OR MAYBE IT'S JUST TONIGHT. LET ME -- LET ME SET MY TASERO ON SOMETHING. PARDON ME MAN, DOW MIND IF I SET MY TEAR -- CONTAINER IT WILL FLOAT. >> Paul: ONE CONTAINER, I SEE, A BIG HUGE BOTTLE OF IT. >> Dave: D LIKE RANCH DRESSING. >> LOVE IT. >> Dave: HOW ABOUT YOU, PAUL. >> Paul: HATE IT. >> Dave: YEAH? >> NEVER WOULD TOUCH IT. >> Dave: I HAVE NEVER BEEN FOND OF IT EITHER. >> Paul: IT IS A MIGRAINE TIGGER. >> Dave: PAUL, -- TRIGGER, PAUL, YOU KNOW -- GOD KNOWS I HAVE GREAT SYMPATHY FOR YOU AND YOUR MIGRAINES, AND I KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN FIGHTING A BATTLE VALIANTLY FOR YEARS NOW, AND PRETTY MUCH THEY ARE UNDER CONTROL. BUT IT SEEMS TO ME LIKE EVERY TIME WE PLAY WILL IT FLOAT, WHATEVER WE ARE FLOATING IS A MIGRAINE TRIGGER. >> Paul: WELL, BECAUSE IT COMES INTO PLAY WHEN ARE YOU TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHETHER IT -- AH! NO, JUST KIDDING. I THINK IT WILL FLOAT. >> Dave: I THINK IT WILL FLOAT ALSO. HOLD IT, HOLD IT. WHAT ARE WE PLAYING FOR. >> DAVE, WE'RE PLAYING FOR $500,000 WORTH OF GOLD! >> Dave: ALL RIGHT. BRING IT UP AND PLAY WILL IT FLOAT, EVERYBODY. HI, GIRLS. HOW ARE YOU? ANY TIME ARE YOU READY GO AHEAD AND DROP IT IN THERE. LOOK AT THAT! WE'LL SEE YOU LATER AT THE BIG WILL IT FLOAT PARTY ♪ WILL IT TS GONE AND BOB SHEAF ERT DOES A TREMENDOUS JOB NOW, BUT SOME KIND OF TEAM -- >> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LES MOONVES. >> Dave: YEAH. >> ACTUALLY F WE COULD JUST -- IF YOU DON'T MIND MY MENTIONING MY KID TWIN BROTHER WHOM YOU PUT ON THE AIR, I THINK FOR THE FIRST TIME. >> Dave: KENNY. >> KENNY. >> Dave: YES. >> HE HASN'T BEEN ON THE AIR MUCH LATELY S THERE ANYWAY THAT WE COULD SEE KENNY. >> Dave: TED'S TWIN BROTHER BUT YOUNGER TWIN BROTHER. >> YOUNGER TWIN, HIS YOUNGER TWIN BROTHER. GOOD EVENING THIS IS NIGHTLINE. >> Dave: KENNY. KENNY KOPPEL. >> KENNY HAS HAD A LOT OF BOTOX AND PLASTIC OVER THE LAST FEW YEARS. >> HE LOOKS TREMENDOUS. >> HE LOOK AS MAZING. I THINK IT'S THE MUSS THARB THAT DID IT. KENNY IS ACTUALLY -- KENNY THOUGHT THAT HE WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO TAKE OVERNIGHTLINE WHEN I LEFT. SO HE'S SORT OF BITTER. >> Dave: OH, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT. >> AND RESENTFUL. BUT THE REASON I MENTION IT IS HE HAS GONE INTO CONSULTING. AND YOU KNOW THAT LINE THAT LES MOONVES HAD ABOUT, YOU KNOW, NOT WANTING TO HAVE ANCHORS FROM THE HERE ON END HAVE THAT SORT OF VOICE OF GOD, THAT'S KENNY. >> Dave: THAT WAS KENNY'S IDEA. >> AND THE OTHER THING, WHO WILL EVER FORGET THAT HE MENTIONED HE WAS THINKING ABOUT HAVING YOUNG LADIES AS ANCHOR WOMEN UNDRESSING AS THEY DELIVER THE NEWS. >> Dave: WELL, NOW YOU CAN'T DISAGREE WITH THAT. >> CLASSIC KENNY. >> Dave: THAT WAS KENNY ALSO. >> THAT WAS KENNY AGAIN. >> Dave: BUT NOW OF COURSE HE'S JUST THINKING, TO CONSIDER ANY IDEA FOR A NEW FORMAT NOR NEWS BUT LIKELY NONE OF THOSE WILL REALLY STICK AM BUT DOES IT MAKE YOU NERVOUS A LITTLE AS YOU LOOK DOWN THE ROAD? >> WELL, ONLY THAT THEY ARE NOT GOING TO PUT YOU OR JON STEWART IN THAT ROLE BECAUSE THEY THINK
A2 初級 レイトショー・ウィズ・デイヴィッド・レターマン 2005 (Late Show with David Letterman 2005) 21 1 VoiceTube に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日 シェア シェア 保存 報告 動画の中の単語