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  • FIRST OF ALL, I'M VERY EXCITED THAT JON BATISTE LOOKS

  • LIKE HUMPHREY BOGART TONIGHT.

  • YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.

  • HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID.

  • FANTASTIC.

  • YOU'RE READY FOR A TROPICAL VACATION OVER THERE.

  • >> Jon: OH, YES, INDEED.

  • WE'VE GOT A COUPLE MORE DAYS.

  • >> Stephen: WE DO, WE DO.

  • WE HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED.

  • >> Jon: WE'RE IN IT RIGHT NOW.

  • WE'RE FOCUSING IN, WE'RE FOCUSING IN ON THE TARGET.

  • >> Stephen: THE TARGET BEING DOING THE SHOW THE NEXT HOUR?

  • >> Jon: DOING THE SHOW AND PLAYING JAZZ FOR ME ON THIS

  • SIDE.

  • >> Stephen: FOR ME I'M JUST GOING TO DO THE SHOW.

  • COMEDY.

  • >> Jon: JAZZ.

  • >> Stephen: TINKLE, TINKLE.

  • ONE OF THE REASONS I'M VERY EXCITED WE'VE GOT COMING UP, OUR

  • OLD FRIEND TOM BROKAW WILL BE OUT HERE.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) TOM AND I VEHICLE FRIENDS FOR

  • YEARS.

  • IT'S AN HONOR TO KNOW HIM.

  • IT'S AMAZING I GOT TO KNOW THIS GUY.

  • HE'S ON ANOTHER NETWORK THEY CANNOT NAME THAT HAS GOT THE

  • OLYMPICS AND I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO TALKING TO HIM ABOUT

  • THOSE GAMES BECAUSE I AM PUMPED FOR THE REAL GAMES.

  • THEY ARE LESS THAN TWO MONTHS AWAY OR NEVER.

  • BECAUSE JUST YESTERDAY, RIO'S ACTING GOVERNOR WARNED THE

  • OLYMPICS COULD BE A "BIG FAILURE," WHICH IS ACTUALLY AN

  • IMPROVEMENT, BECAUSE UNTIL YESTERDAY, IT LOOKED LIKE A

  • MASSIVE CATASTROPHE.

  • THE OLYMPICS ARE IN REAL TROUBLE.

  • MANY OF THE VENUES ARE STILL UNFINISHED, POSSIBLY BECAUSE

  • MORE THAN $10 BILLION IN CONSTRUCTION CONTRACTS WENT TO

  • JUST FIVE FIRMS, ALL OF WHICH ARE CURRENTLY UNDER

  • INVESTIGATION FOR PRICE FIXING AND KICKBACKS.

  • THAT HAS ALREADY LED TO TOP EXECUTIVES BEING JAILED OR

  • CHARGED.

  • THOUGH ON THE PLUS SIDE, FOR THOSE EXECUTIVES, THE PRISONS

  • WON'T BE COMPLETED UNTIL 2036.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) PLUS, BRAZIL HAS ONE OF THE

  • HIGHEST VIOLENT CRIME RATES IN THE WORLD, WHICH LED RIVALDO, A

  • FORMER MEMBER OF BRAZIL'S OLYMPIC SOCCER TEAM, TO WARN

  • TOURISTS TO "STAY IN THEIR COUNTRY OF ORIGIN" BECAUSE "HERE

  • YOU WILL BE RUNNING THE RISK OF YOUR LIFE," LEADING TO BRAZIL'S

  • NEWEST TOURIST SLOGAN, "BRAZIL: COME FOR THE SPORT, STAY BECAUSE

  • YOU'RE DEAD."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT EXPERTS DON'T EXPECT AN

  • INCREASE IN ARRESTS DURING THE OLYMPICS, IN PART BECAUSE

  • "POLICE PATROLS MAY GRIND TO A HALT BECAUSE THEY CAN'T AFFORD

  • TO BUY FUEL."

  • THOUGH, WITH ANY LUCK, THE PROBLEM WILL SOLVE ITSELF WHEN

  • THE CARS ARE STOLEN.

  • THESE BUDGET SHORTFALLS LED FIRST RESPONDERS TO STAGE

  • PROTESTS ALL OVER RIO YESTERDAY, INCLUDING ONE AT THE AIRPORT

  • WHERE POLICE HELD A SIGN THAT READ, "WELCOME TO HELL."

  • YES, HELL.

  • EXPLAINS WHY THEY'RE CHANGING THE OLYMPIC LOGO FROM THREE

  • PEOPLE HOLDING HANDS TO TWO GUYS MUGGING THE OTHER GUY.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT CORRUPTION AND CRIME AREN'T

  • THE ONLY THINGS PLAGUING THE OLYMPICS.

  • THERE'S ALSO ACTUAL PLAGUE BECAUSE FEAR OVER THE ZIKA

  • VIRUS, WHICH CAN CAUSE BIRTH DEFECTS, HAS LED SOME ATHLETES

  • TO STAY HOME AND OTHERS TO TAKE SPECIAL PRECAUTIONS, LIKE

  • FREEZING THEIR SPERM.

  • (KNOCKING) "WHAT'S GOING ON IN THERE?"

  • "DON'T OPEN THE DOOR.

  • I'M TRAINING FOR THE OLYMPICS!" ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

  • "YOU'RE TRAINING ALL THE TIME."

  • OF COURSE, ATHLETES COULD ALWAYS HIDE FROM MOSQUITOES UNDERWATER.

  • BUT I WOULDN'T RECOMMEND GUANABARA BAY, WHERE THE BOATING

  • EVENTS WILL BE HELD, BECAUSE THIS IS AN ACTUAL PHOTO OF THE

  • RACE SITE.

  • NOTICE, OKAY, THAT DOESN'T LOOK GOOD.

  • BUT ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, IF BRAZIL DOESN'T FINISH THE

  • ATHLETES' DORMS IN TIME, I THINK THAT COUCH IS A FOLD-OUT!

  • AND IT GETS WORSE BECAUSE "RESEARCHERS JUST FOUND

  • DRUG-RESISTANT SUPER BACTERIA IN THE BAY" LEADING ONE

  • BRAZILIAN PROFESSOR TO SAY, "THESE BACTERIA SHOULD NOT BE

  • PRESENT IN THESE WATERS.

  • THEY SHOULD NOT BE PRESENT IN THE SEA."

  • NOW, I WOULD SAY "NO (BLEEP)."

  • BUT I THINK IN THIS CASE, QUITE THE OPPOSITE IS TRUE.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) BUT IT'S NOT-- I LIKE THAT.

  • I LIKE THAT.

  • I WANT TO POINT OUT THAT YOU HAVE APPLAUDED TWO THINGS--

  • SHODDY CONSTRUCTION AND HUMAN WASTE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE MY KIND OF PEOPLE.

  • YOU'RE MY KIND OF PEOPLE.

  • ( APPLAUSE ) BUT IT'S NOT JUST HUMANS WHOSE

  • LIVES ARE AT RISK IN RIO BECAUSE RECENTLY, A JAGUAR AT AN OLYMPIC

  • TORCH CEREMONY WAS SHOT AFTER ESCAPING FROM ITS HANDLERS.

  • I BELIEVE THAT PARTICULAR SPECIES OF JAGUAR WAS THE

  • SPOTTED SOUTH AMERICAN METAPHOR.

  • BUT DON'T WORRY.

  • THE OLYMPIC COMMITTEE HAS RELEASED THE FOLLOWING

  • STATEMENT, "WE MADE A MISTAKE IN PERMITTING THE

  • OLYMPIC TORCH, A SYMBOL OF PEACE AND UNITY, TO BE EXHIBITED

  • ALONGSIDE A CHAINED WILD ANIMAL.

  • WE GUARANTEE THAT THERE WILL BE NO MORE SUCH INCIDENTS AT RIO

  • 2016."

  • YES, THERE WILL NO LONGER BE LIT TORCHES ALONGSIDE CHAINED

  • ANIMALS.

  • FROM HERE ON OUT, THEY'LL JUST SET FIRE TO THE JAGUAR DIRECTLY.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • NOW, BOY, I WOULD HATE TO WORK FOR A NETWORK THAT PAID BILLIONS

  • OF DOLLARS TO BROADCAST THAT CLUSTER MUNCH.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH TOM BROKAW.

FIRST OF ALL, I'M VERY EXCITED THAT JON BATISTE LOOKS

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B1 中級

リオ五輪は完全に混乱している (The Rio Olympics Are In Total Disarray)

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    VoiceTube に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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