host of last week tonight

and we're off this week for the fourth of July

but I wanted to make a video

to wish everyone a happy independence day

or they call it where I'm from July the fourth and that's it

I do hope you have a great day of resting , barbecuing

and preparing to explain your weird tan lines to your coworkers on Tuesday

I fell asleep outside with my hat on backwards

and now my forehead looks like a sunset

I just like to take a quick moment

to remind you of what's you're missing out on by celebrating your independence

by celebrating your independence

because as you know since 1776

you've done very well as a nation

but it might be worth thinking about

just a handful of things that you gave up

when kicking Britain on ceremoniously out of this country

because first there's the matter of your accents

these beautiful vowel sounds could have been yours

but instead from sea to shining sea

you speak like you just burn your tongue on a hot apple pie

you are also missing out on bowler hats

which are prefect for dressing your head

like an circumcised velvet penis

and that is not even mentioning all the cuisine that you lost

for example

meat pies which a lot like British people themselves

a hardened outer layer gives the impression of composure

but under the surface is just a hot mess

but the thing that American are really missing out on is pessimism

Americans are optimistic people

who believe the sky is the limit

whereas in Britain we are painfully aware of our limits

in fact just look at the British sky itself

even the sun is incapable of asserting itself there

British people never make the mistake on developing self esteem

because no matter what we achieved deep down

we know we'll never be as good as the queen

which is to say

an elderly woman who frowns for a living

so just take a moment on this

July the fourth to think about

all that you left behind

and I think you'll realize

honestly you're probably way better of the way the things are

thank you so much for watching this

I do enjoy your holiday

we'll be back on HBO

with a new episode on July twenty forth