Almost so alive to all the advantages

But oddly, being beautiful isn't problem free

There are a range of ailments, too little discussed, that go with being extremely beautiful

And that we should all, perhaps, know a bit more about

Here are some of the greatest

The likelihood of having nothing to say is so high because

Since you were 12 you've never had to begin a conversation

They had to crack the jokes

Just for the pleasure of seeing you smile

Indeed, you often wanted to put people off

Being a bit boring has been a sort of survival strategy

It's the only way to stop people pestering you

You are weird about your body

In bed you're always wondering, "Is it me, or is it my body they want?"

You want to be loved for the whole of who you are

But your exterior is so fantastic, it overshadows anything else

You want to be appreciated for your take on the french novel

Your loyalty to your troubled sister, your views on the future of the left

But even when people say the right things, the fears won't go away

They make too much sense

Everyone assumes you are stupid

They don't wait to find out

Their imaginations refuse to picture you carfeully unpicking a page of Plato

Or analysing the state of the Swedish economy

They like the idea of you being a bit dim

You can't be that beautiful and understand nuclear phsyics

That would be too much good fortune ending up in one place

Everyone insists you can't be very intelligent

No one imagines you have any problems

Fortune, people feel, has smiled on you already

You can't need anything

And that's why they hate you

A fair few people just like finding fault with you

They feel you need to be shown that you're nothing special

Although you never claimed to be

They're using you

To vent their frustrations with life in general

You're fair game, you're too beautiful, they think, ever to be hurt

Ageing is worse

You have this rare thing

Your body is ideal... for now

That's why getting older terrifies you a lot

Yesterday you found another wrinkle

Your left knee twinges when you climb the stairs

You have so much to lose

You'll look in the mirror and foresee a wreck

From being so high, the fall will be harder

Fortunately, the problems of being very beautiful are transient

Thankfully no one stays at the peak of loveliness for long

Time will take your troubles away

In a few years, almost certainly, your looks will have lost their uncanny perfection

Your physique will shed its grace

You'll be nice enough looking

But you will no longer be one of the outstandingly attractive ones

And you will no longer share in their unique

But very real, and very under-appreciated problems