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  • Let's say you just had a big row with someone close to you.

  • They behaved terribly, maybe broke something and said something hideous to you.

  • It's so tempting to give up on them and just hate them, but there's another way.

  • Here's a big idea

  • People are almost never simply bad.

  • What they are far more often is scared.

  • When they behave in really horrible ways, it tends to be because they're extremely anxious for some reason or another.

  • Though their behavior can seem strong, no one who actually felt strong would be all arsey like that.

  • The mature response shouldn't therefore be to increase tension and flare up in return

  • but to strive to see all you've got in front of you is someone who can't cope.

  • We are so aligned to the idea that it's patronizing to think of people as younger than they are

  • we forget that it's also, at times, the greatest privilege to look beyond someone's adult self

  • in order to engage with and forgive the anxious or disappointed, furious or inarticulate child within.

  • There's another thing to bear in mind when all you can see is a person's weak points.

  • Weak points are always linked to strong points and vice versa.

  • So, for example, the strength of thoroughness is always going to bring with, in other contexts, the weakness of pedantry.

  • Creative brilliance might well be inseparable from logistical unreliability.

  • People who are fantastic leaders at work are likely to be seriously difficult around domestic chores.

  • The reason for keeping this in mind is that we often encounter people's weaknesses

  • at moments when we're in danger of losing sight of their strengths.

  • At certain points, all it seems we're bumping into are the weaknesses.

  • We wonder: "how did I end up in this relationship or hanging out with this person?"

  • During tough times, we only see the flaws.

  • We are failing to step back enough and ask a really vital question

  • not just what are these people's weaknesses

  • but what are the strengths of which these annoying traits are the unfortunate shadow sides.

  • Everyone is going to have the weaknesses of their strengths.

  • Forgiving people must mean doing everything we can to keep their strengths in view

  • at moments where their weaknesses are only too painfully apparent.

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Let's say you just had a big row with someone close to you.

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B1 中級

許す方法 (How to Forgive)

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    VoiceTube に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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