I MADE MY USUAL 20 PERCENT, OF COURSE.

cop: SO THIS BIGSHOT LAWYER

CALLS ME LONG DISTANCE FROM TEXAS. I SAY, "YEAH?"

HE SAYS, "SORRY TO INFORM YOU, BUT YOUR BROTHER JUST DIED."

- OH, DAMN, BYRON, I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT.

- I'M NOT, HE WAS AN ASSHOLE. RAN OFF YEARS AGO.

FIGURED HIM FOR DEAD ANYWAY.

SO ANYWAY, THIS LAWYER FELLOW SAYS TO ME,

"YOUR BROTHER DIED A RICH MAN."

OIL WELLS AND SHIT. CLOSE TO A MILLION BUCKS.

- A MILLION BUCKS? - YEAH.

FUCKING INCREDIBLE HOW LUCKY SOME ASSHOLES GET.

- JEEZ-LOUISE! YOU'RE GONNA SEE ANY OF THAT?

- THIRTY-FIVE THOUSAND. THAT'S WHAT HE LEFT ME.

- DOLLARS? - YEAH.

- HOLY SHIT! THAT'S GREAT!

THAT'S LIKE WINNING THE SWEEPSTAKES! ISN'T IT?

- DUMBSHIT, WHAT DO YOU THINK THE GOVERNMENT'S GONNA DO TO ME?

TAKE A BIG WET BITE OUT OF MY ASS IS WHAT.

POOR BYRON. TERRIBLE FUCKING LUCK, EH?

- CRYING SHAME. SOME PEOPLE REALLY GOT IT AWFUL.

ANDY, YOU NUTS? KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR MOP, MAN. ANDY!

- WELL, ALL RIGHT YOU'RE GONNA PAY SOME TAXES,

BUT YOU WILL STILL END UP...

- OH, YEAH, YEAH, MAYBE ENOUGH TO BUY A NEW CAR, AND THEN WHAT?

I GOT TO PAY TAX ON THE CAR. REPAIR, MAINTENANCE.

GODDAMN KIDS PESTERING ME

TO TAKE 'EM FOR A RIDE ALL THE TIME.

THEN AT THE END OF THE YEAR, YOU FIGURE THE TAX WRONG,

YOU GOTTA PAY 'EM OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET.

I TELL YOU. UNCLE SAM...

HE PUTS HIS HAND IN YOUR SHIRT.

AND SQUEEZES YOUR TIT TILL IT'S PURPLE.

- ANDY? ANDY! - WHAT'S HE DOING?

- HE'S GETTING HIMSELF KILLED. - KEEP TARRING.

- SOME BROTHER. SHIT! - HEY!

- MR. HADLEY. DO YOU TRUST YOUR WIFE?

- WELL, THAT'S FUNNY. YOU'RE GONNA LOOK FUNNIER

SUCKING MY DICK WITH NO TEETH.

- WHAT I MEAN IS, DO YOU THINK SHE'D GO BEHIND YOUR BACK?

TRY TO HAMSTRING YOU?

- THAT'S IT. STEP ASIDE, MERT.

THIS FUCKER'S HAVING HIMSELF AN ACCIDENT.

- HE'S GONNA PUSH HIM OFF THE ROOF.

- BECAUSE IF YOU DO TRUST HER,

THERE IS NO REASON YOU CAN'T KEEP THAT 35,000!

- WHAT DID YOU SAY? - 35,000.

- 35000? - ALL OF IT.

- ALL OF IT? - EVERY PENNY.

- YOU BETTER START MAKING SENSE.

- IF YOU WANT TO KEEP ALL THAT MONEY, GIVE IT TO YOUR WIFE.

THE IRS ALLOWS A ONE-TIME-ONLY GIFT TO YOUR SPOUSE

FOR UP TO 60,000 DOLLARS. - BULL SHIT! TAX FREE?

- TAX FREE. IRS CAN'T TOUCH ONE CENT.

- YOU'RE THAT SMART BANKER WHO KILLED HIS WIFE, AREN'T YOU?

WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE A SMART BANKER LIKE YOU?

SO I CAN END UP IN HERE WITH YOU?

- IT'S PERFECTLY LEGAL. GO ASK THE IRS,

THEY'LL SAY THE SAME THING. ACTUALLY, I FEEL STUPID

TELLING YOU THIS. I'M SURE YOU WOULD HAVE

INVESTIGATED THE MATTER YOURSELF.

- YEAH, FUCKING A! I DON'T NEED NO SMART WIFE-KILLING BANKER

TO TELL ME WHERE THE BEAR SHIT IN THE BUCKWHEAT.

- OF COURSE NOT. BUT YOU DO NEED SOMEONE

TO SET UP THE TAX-FREE GIFT FOR YOU,

AND THAT'LL COST YOU. A LAWYER, FOR EXAMPLE...

- BUNCH OF BALL-WASHING BASTARDS.

- RIGHT. I SUPPOSE I COULD SET IT UP FOR YOU.

THAT WOULD SAVE YOU SOME MONEY.

IF YOU GET THE FORMS, I'LL PREPARE THEM FOR YOU.

NEARLY FREE OF CHARGE.

I'D ONLY ASK THREE BEERS APIECE FOR EACH OF MY CO-WORKERS.

- [laughs] CO-WORKERS. GET HIM, THAT'S RICH, AIN'T IT?

- I THINK A MAN WORKING OUTDOORS FEELS MORE LIKE A MAN

IF HE CAN HAVE A BOTTLE OF SUDS. THAT'S ONLY MY OPINION, SIR.

- WHAT ARE JIMMIES STARING AT? BACK TO WORK!

- LET'S GO! WORK!

man: AND THAT'S HOW IT CAME TO PASS.

THAT ON THE SECOND-TO-LAST DAY OF THE JOB,

THE CONVICT CREW THAT TARRED THE PLATE FACTORY ROOF

IN THE SPRING OF '49, WOUND UP SITTING IN A ROW

AT TEN O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING,

DRINKING ICY COLD BOHEMIA STYLE BEER.

COURTESY OF THE HARDEST SCREW THAT EVER WALKED A TURN

AT SHAWSHANK STATE PRISON.

- DRINK UP WHILE IT'S COLD, LADIES.

man: THE COLOSSAL PRICK EVEN MANAGED TO SOUND MAGNANIMOUS.

WE SAT AND DRANK WITH THE SUN ON OUR SHOULDERS

AND FELT LIKE FREE MEN.

HELL, WE COULD'VE BEEN TARRING THE ROOF

OF ONE OF OUR OWN HOUSES.

WE WERE THE LORDS OF ALL CREATION.

AS FOR ANDY, HE SPENT THAT BREAK HUNKERED IN THE SHADE,

A STRANGE LITTLE SMILE ON HIS FACE,

WATCHING US DRINK HIS BEER.

- HEY. WANT A COLD ONE, ANDY?

- NO, THANKS. I GAVE UP DRINKING.

man: YOU COULD ARGUE HE'D DONE IT

TO CURRY FAVOR WITH THE GUARDS.

OR MAYBE MAKE A FEW FRIENDS AMONG US CONS.

ME, I THINK HE DID IT JUST TO FEEL NORMAL AGAIN...

IF ONLY FOR A SHORT WHILE.

KING ME.