Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • (audience applause)

  • - Thank you, Marie.

  • And thank you esteemed members of the faculty,

  • proud parents, devoted friends, squirming siblings,

  • congratulations to all of you.

  • But especially, congratulations to the magnificent

  • Berkeley Class of 2016.

  • (woman screams)

  • (audience applause)

  • It's my privilege to be here at Berkeley,

  • which has produced so many Nobel Prize winners,

  • Turing Award winners, astronauts, members of Congress,

  • Olympic gold medalists, and that's just the women.

  • (audience cheers)

  • Berkeley has always been ahead of the times.

  • As Chancellor Dirks said, in the 1960's,

  • you led the free speech movement.

  • Back then, people used to say with all the hair,

  • "How do we even tell the men from the women?"

  • Today we know the answer. Man buns.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Early on, Berkeley opened its doors

  • to the entire population.

  • When this campus opened in 1873,

  • you had 167 men and 222 women.

  • It took my alma mater another 90 years to give a

  • single degree to a single woman.

  • One of the women who came here in

  • search of opportunity was Roselyn Nuss.

  • Ros grew up scrubbing floors in the

  • Berkling boarding house where she lived.

  • In high school, her parents pulled her

  • out of school to help support the family.

  • And it was a local teacher who talked her parents

  • into putting her back into school.

  • In 1973, she sat where you sit today,

  • and she became a Berkeley graduate.

  • Ros was my grandmother.

  • (audience cheers)

  • She is one of the major sources of inspiration in my life.

  • I was born on her birthday.

  • And I am so grateful to Berkeley

  • for recognizing her potential.

  • And I want to say a special congratulations

  • to the many who today become the first

  • in your families to graduate from college.

  • What a remarkable achievement.

  • (audience cheers)

  • Today is a day of celebration.

  • A day to celebrate all the hard work

  • that got you to this moment.

  • Today is a day of thanks.

  • A day to thank all the people who helped you get here.

  • The people who taught you and nurtured you,

  • cheered you on, and dried your tears.

  • Or at least didn't write on you with a sharpie

  • when you fell asleep at a party.

  • (audience chuckles)

  • Today is a day of reflection

  • because today marks the end of one era of your life

  • and the beginning of something new.

  • A commencement address is meant to be

  • a dance between youth and wisdom.

  • You provide the youth.

  • Someone comes up here to be the voice of wisdom.

  • That's supposed to be me.

  • I tell you all the things I've learned in life,

  • you throw your cap in the air,

  • you let your family take a million photos,

  • and hopefully post them on Instagram,

  • and then we all go home happy.

  • Today's gonna be a bit different.

  • We'll still do the caps

  • and you still have to do the photos,

  • but I'm not gonna tell you today what I learned in life.

  • Today I'm going to try to tell you what I learned in death.

  • I've not spoken about this publicly before, and it's hard,

  • but I promise not to blow my nose

  • on this beautiful Berkeley robes.

  • One year and 13 days ago, I lost my husband, Dave.

  • His death was sudden and unexpected.

  • We were in Mexico celebrating a friends 50th birthday party.

  • I took a nap. He went to workout.

  • What followed was the unthinkable.

  • I walked into a gym to find him lying on the floor.

  • I flew home to tell my children that their father was gone.

  • I watched his casket being lowered into the ground.

  • For many months afterward, and at many times since,

  • I was swallowed in the deep fog of grief,

  • what I think of as the void.

  • An emptiness that fills your heart and your lungs,

  • constricts your ability to think or even to breathe.

  • Dave's death changed me in very profound ways.

  • I learned about the depths of sadness

  • and the brutality of loss.

  • But I also learned that when life sucks you under,

  • you can kick against the bottom,

  • find the surface, and breathe again.

  • (audience applause)

  • I learned that in the face of the void,

  • or in the face of any challenge,

  • you can choose joy and meaning.

  • I'm...

  • (audience cheers)

  • I'm sharing this with you today,

  • in the hopes that on this day in your lives,

  • with all the momentum and the joy,

  • you can learn in life the lessons I only learned in death.

  • Lessons about hope, about strength,

  • and about the light within us that will not be extinguished.

  • (audience applause)

  • Everyone who's made it through Cal

  • has already experienced some disappointment.

  • You wanted an A, but you got a B.

  • Let's be honest, you got an A minus but you're still mad.

  • (sparse laughter)

  • You applied for an internship at Facebook,

  • but you only got one at Google.

  • (audience laughs)

  • She was clearly the love of your life,

  • but then she swiped left.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Game of Thrones, the show, has diverged

  • way too much from the books,

  • and you're mad because you read 4,352 pages.

  • (sparse cheers)

  • You will almost certain face more and deeper adversity.

  • There's loss of opportunity, the job that doesn't work out,

  • the illness or crime which changes everything in an instant.

  • There's loss of dignity.

  • The sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.

  • There's loss of love.

  • The broken relationships that can't be repaired.

  • And sometimes, there's loss of life itself.

  • Many of you have already experienced

  • the kind of tragedy and hardship

  • that leaves an indelible mark.

  • Last year Radhika, winner of the University Medal,

  • spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.

  • The question is not if some

  • of these things will happen to you.

  • They will.

  • What I want to talk about today

  • is what you do next.

  • About the things you can do to overcome adversity

  • no matter when it hits you or how it hits.

  • The easy days ahead of you will be easy.

  • It is the hard days, the days that challenge you

  • to your very core, that will determine who you are.

  • You will be defined, not just by what you achieve,

  • but by how you survive.

  • (audience applause)

  • A few weeks after Dave died,

  • I was talking to my friend Phil

  • about a father-son activity Dave would not be here to do.

  • We came in with a plan to fill in for Dave,

  • but I cried to Phil.

  • I said, "I want Dave."

  • Phil put his arm around me and said, "Option A is not

  • available, so let's just kick the shit out of option B."

  • (audience cheers)

  • We all, at some point, live some form of option B.

  • The question is, what do we do next?

  • As a representative of Silicon Valley,

  • I'm pleased to tell you that there's data we can learn from.

  • After spending decades studying how people

  • deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman

  • found that there are three keys,

  • personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence,

  • that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.

  • The seeds of resilience are planted in the way

  • we process the negative events of our lives.

  • The first P is personalization,

  • the belief that we are at fault.

  • This is different from taking responsibility,

  • which you should always do.

  • This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us,

  • happens because of us.

  • When Dave died, I had a very common reaction,

  • which is to blame myself.

  • He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia.

  • I pored over his medical records asking

  • what I could've or should've done.

  • It wasn't until I learned about the three P's

  • that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.

  • His doctor's had not diagnosed his coronary artery disease.

  • I was an economics major. How could I?

  • Studies show that getting past personalization

  • can make us stronger.

  • Teachers who have students who fail who believe

  • they can do better, revisit their methods

  • and have future classes that excel.

  • College swimmers who underperform in a race,

  • but believe they can do better, do.

  • Not taking failures personally,

  • allows us to recover, and even to thrive.

  • The second P is pervasiveness,

  • the belief that an event will effect all areas of your life.

  • You know that song Everything is Awesome?

  • This is the flip, Everything is Awful.

  • There's nowhere to hide from the all consuming sadness.

  • The child psychologist that I spoke to encouraged me

  • to get my children back to their routine

  • as quickly as possible.

  • So ten days after Dave died, my kids went back to school

  • and I went back to work.

  • I remember sitting in my first

  • Facebook meeting in a total haze,

  • thinking what is everyone talking about

  • and how could this possibly matter.

  • And then, I got drawn into the conversation

  • and for a second, the briefest of all seconds,

  • I forgot about death.

  • That second helped me see that there were other things

  • in my life that were not awful.

  • My children and I were healthy.

  • My friends and family, some of whom are with me today,

  • were carrying us, quite literally.

  • The loss of a partner often has severe,

  • negative financial consequences, especially for women.

  • So many single mothers and fathers

  • struggle to make ends meet, and don't get

  • the time off they need to care for their families.

  • I had financial security, the ability to

  • take the time off I needed, and not just a job I loved,

  • but one where I was encouraged to spend all day on Facebook.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night,

  • crying less, and playing more.

  • The third P is permanence,

  • the belief that the sorrow will last forever.

  • This was the hardest by me for far because for so long

  • it felt like the overwhelming grief would never leave.

  • We often project our current feelings out indefinitely.

  • We're anxious, and then we're anxious that we're anxious.

  • We're sad, and then we're sad that we're sad.

  • Instead, we should accept our feelings

  • but know that they won't last forever.

  • My Rabbi of all people actually told me,

  • and this is a quote, that I should "lean into the suck."

  • Not what I meant when I said, "Lean in."

  • None of you need me to explain the fourth P,

  • which is of course pizza from Cheese Board.

  • (sparse cheers)

  • But I wish I had known about the three P's

  • where I was your age, because there are

  • so many times they would have helped me.

  • Day one of my first job out of college,

  • my new boss figured out that

  • I did not know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.

  • That's a spreadsheet. Ask your parents later.

  • (audience chuckles)

  • His mouth dropped open, and he said in front of everyone,

  • "I can't believe you got this job without knowing that."

  • And then he left the room.

  • I was sure I was getting fired my very first week of work.

  • I thought I was terrible at everything,

  • but really, I was just terrible at spreadsheets.

  • Understanding pervasiveness would've saved me

  • a lot of anxiety that first week.

  • I wish I'd known about permanence

  • when I broke up with boyfriends.

  • It would've been a comfort to know

  • that that feeling wasn't gonna last forever.

  • And if I was honest with myself,

  • neither were any of those relationships.

  • (audience chuckles)

  • And I wish I had understood personalization

  • when boyfriends broke up with me.

  • Sometimes it's not you, it really is them.

  • That guy really didn't shower.

  • (audience chuckles)

  • And all three P's ganged up on me

  • when in my 20's I got divorced.

  • At the time, I thought that no matter what else I did,

  • I was a massive failure.

  • The three P's are common emotional reactions

  • to so many things that happen to us in our careers,

  • in our personal lives, in our relationships.

  • You're probably feeling one of them right now

  • about something in your life.

  • But if you can recognize your falling into these traps,

  • you can correct because just as our bodies

  • have a physiological immune system,

  • our brains have a psychological immune system,

  • and there are things you can do to help kick it into gear.

  • One day my friend Adam Grant, the psychologist,

  • suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.

  • This was completely counterintuitive to me.

  • I would've thought that getting through something like death

  • was about finding every positive thought I could.

  • "Worse?" I said to him. "Are you crazy?

  • How could things be worse?"

  • He looked at me and said, "Dave could've had

  • that same cardiac arrhythmia driving your children."

  • The minute he said it, I felt

  • overwhelming gratitude that my children were alive.

  • And that gratitude overtook some of the grief.

  • Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.

  • People who take the time to list the things

  • they are grateful for are healthier and happier.

  • My New Year's resolution this year

  • is to, before I go to bed, write down three moments of joy.

  • And this really simple practice has changed me life,

  • because no matter what happens each day

  • I go to bed thinking of something cheerful.

  • Try it.

  • Try it tonight when you have

  • so many things to be joyful for.

  • Although maybe before you go to Kip's

  • and don't remember what they are.

  • (audience laughs)

  • Last month, 11 days before the anniversary of Dave's death,

  • I broke down crying to a friend of mine.

  • We were sitting, of all places, on a bathroom floor.

  • I said, "11 days. A year ago he had 11 days left,

  • and we had no idea."

  • And then through tears we asked each other

  • how we would live if we knew we had 11 days left.

  • As you graduate, can you ask yourselves

  • to live as if you had 11 days left?

  • I don't mean blow everything off and party all the time,

  • although I've already said tonight's an exception.

  • I mean live with the understanding

  • of how precious every day would be,

  • because that's how precious every day actually is.

  • (audience applause)

  • A few years ago, my mom had to have her hip replaced.

  • Before that, she walked without pain,

  • but as her hip disintegrated,

  • every step she took was painful.

  • Today, years after the operation,

  • she's walking without pain,

  • but she's grateful for those steps.

  • Something that never would've even occurred to her before.

  • I stand here today, a year after

  • the very worst day of my life,

  • the worst day...the worst day I can imagine,

  • and two things are true.

  • I have a huge reservoir of sadness.

  • It is with me always. It is right here where I can touch it.

  • I never knew I could cry so often or so much.

  • But for the first time, I'm grateful

  • for each breath, in and out.

  • I'm grateful for the gift of life itself.

  • I used to celebrate my birthday every five years

  • and my friend's birthdays sometimes.

  • Now I celebrate always.

  • I used to go to bed every night worrying about all

  • the things I did wrong that day,

  • and trust me the list was long.

  • Now I go to bed trying to focus

  • on that day's moments of joy.

  • It is the greatest irony of my life

  • that losing my husband helped me find deeper gratitude.

  • Gratitude for the kindness of my friends,

  • the love of my family, and the laughter of my children.

  • My hope for you, is that you can find that gratitude,

  • not just on the easy days like today,

  • but on the hard days when you will need it.

  • (audience applause)

  • There are so many moments of joy ahead of you.

  • The trip you always wanted to take.

  • A first kiss with someone you really like.

  • Finding a job you believe in.

  • Beating Stanford. Go Bears!

  • (audience cheers)

  • All of these things will happen to you.

  • Enjoy each and every one.

  • I hope that you live your life,

  • each precious day of it, with joy and meaning.

  • I hope that you walk without pain,

  • and you are grateful for each step.

  • And when the challenges come, I hope you remember

  • that deep within you is the ability to learn and grow.

  • You are not born with a fixed amount of resilience.

  • It's a muscle.

  • You can build it up and then draw on it when you need it.

  • And in that process, you figure out who you really are,

  • and you just might become the very best version of yourself.

  • (audience applause)

  • Class of 2016, as you leave Berkeley, build resilience.

  • Build resilience in yourselves.

  • When tragedy or disappointments strike,

  • know that you have deep within you

  • the ability to get through anything,

  • and I mean anything.

  • I promise you do.

  • As the saying goes "We are more vulnerable

  • than we ever thought. But we are stronger

  • than we ever imagined."

  • (audience applause)

  • Build resilient organizations.

  • If anyone can do it, you can.

  • Because Berkeley is filled with people

  • who want to make the world a better place.

  • Never stop working to do so, whether it's a board room

  • that's not representative, or a campus that's unsafe.

  • Speak up, especially at institutions like this,

  • that you hold so dear.

  • My favorite poster at work reads

  • "Nothing at Facebook is someone else's problem."

  • When you see things that are broken,

  • and you will see things that are broken,

  • go fix them.

  • (audience applause)

  • Build resilient communities.

  • We find our humanity, our will to live, and our ability

  • to love, in our relationships with each other.

  • Be there for your family and friends.

  • And I mean in person.

  • Not just in a message with a heart emoji.

  • Lift each other up.

  • Help each other kick the shit out of option B.

  • And celebrate every moment of joy. Go Bears!

  • (audience cheers)

(audience applause)

字幕と単語

ワンタップで英和辞典検索 単語をクリックすると、意味が表示されます

B1 中級

シェリル・サンドバーグ、UCバークレー校卒業式の基調講演を行う (Sheryl Sandberg Gives UC Berkeley Commencement Keynote Speech)

  • 785 92
    victor に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
動画の中の単語