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  • Normally, I like seeing interesting things show up at the underwater base addressed to

  • yours truly. But as soon as I set eyes on this package, I was filled with woe. “Good

  • Luck?” The hell’s that supposed to mean? When I opened the box, I knew my fate had

  • been sealed: within moments, my studio was infested with ROBs.

  • Look, I understand these guys have an attitude. You would too, if you were basically used

  • to shoehorn NES consoles into Toys R Us locations (and other businesses wary of dealing in video

  • games in 1985), given 2 games, and then all but ignored save for bit parts in WarioWare

  • and Smash Bros. ROB got a raw deal. Sure, a separate accessory just to control video

  • games as inefficiently as possible seems kinda ridiculous... especially when it requires

  • a number of small fiddly bits likely to be lost by children thinking it’s a toy in

  • 1985. So I tried to be a good host. I let them have their day in the sun, and I just

  • happened to have copies of Gyromite and Stack-Up on hand. (And Bryan S. saw fit to send these

  • little maniacs complete with all the accessories one needs. I presume he obtained them via

  • legal means.)

  • The anatomy of a ROB is fairly simple: It’s got a hexagonal base capable of rotating the

  • arm assembly 240 degrees to one of 5 positions, a pair of shoulders that can assume one of

  • six heights along its spine, two hands that can open and close to manipulate objects in

  • its range, and an optical sensor in the eyes that responds to certain flashes on the screen,

  • much like a light gun. Unfortunately, they also have a penchant for destruction, or at

  • least mischief. I caught these two planting explosives about the place. This one began

  • subjugating the other residents of the studio. I tried to appease them with material offerings,

  • but their metabolisms seemed incompatible with my tributes. I think they run on a steady

  • diet of hate and obsolescence.

  • TJ’s log, Stardate 3.14159265... I fear for my life. The invaders have taken over

  • and begun a series of strange rituals. Fortunately, it doesn’t look like theyre able to reproduce,

  • as parts are terribly rare and horribly expensive. Just one unit can run between 60 and 200 dollars,

  • and that’s without any of the strange add-ons to actually let you play games with it. Not

  • only that, they seem to respond only to old cathode-ray-tube TVs, as they have no interest

  • in our current flatscreen LED displays. Not only are they ill-tempered relics, theyre

  • also hipsters. Maybe I shouldve bought them cheap beer and clove cigarettes. I mean,

  • how the heck would one of those things ride a bike?

Normally, I like seeing interesting things show up at the underwater base addressed to


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CGRundertow R.O.B ROBOTIC OPERATING BUDDY for NES ゲームハードレビュー (CGRundertow R.O.B ROBOTIC OPERATING BUDDY for NES Video Game Hardware Review)

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    阿多賓 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日