Now, I just want you to know that it's-it's a perfectly normal, uh, thing.

And I have to admit, uh, you know.

I did a fair bit of masturbating when I was a little younger.

- I, uh... I used to call it "stroking the salami." - [Groans]

Yeah, you know, "pounding the ol' pud."

I never did it with baked goods.

But you know your Uncle Mort? He "pinched the one-eyed snake" five, six times a day.

See, it's like, uh, practice for the big game.

You see? It's like... It's like...

banging a tennis ball against a brick wall.

Which can be fun. It can be fun, but it's not a game.

- Right. No. - It's not a game.

What you want is you want a partner to return the ball.

- Do you want a partner? - Yeah. Yeah-Yeah, I want a partner.

- You do want a partner? - Oh, I want a partner.

- Want a partner. Good. Good. - Of course.

Good.

So, once Hal becomes king, he has to take on...

the responsibilities of leadership and turn his back...

on his old, drunken friend, Falstaff.