BECAUSE IT'S ON YOUR BUCKET LIST,

SO IF YOU DID THAT, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.

THANK YOU.

AND IT'S--

[cheers and applause]

EVERYONE HAS A BUCKET LIST.

I'VE BEEN KEEPING A BUCKET LIST FOR A LONG TIME,

SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.

I'VE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT.

I WAS ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW"

WHEN JOHNNY CARSON HOSTED.

THAT WAS A--

AND I HOSTED THE OSCARS, AND--

[cheers and applause]

SO NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS MARRY DONNY OSMOND,

AND I'M-- CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.

CHECK.

[chuckles]

YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND WHEN YOU'RE 13 SOMETIMES.

YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN IS--

I'VE WANTED TO LEARN SPANISH,

AND I'VE BEEN, FOR A LONG, LONG TIME,

THINKING I SHOULD.

47 MILLION PEOPLE SPEAK SPANISH IN THE UNITED STATES.

46 MILLION OF THEM LIVE HERE IN LOS ANGELES.

[laughter]

NOTHING IS WORKING.

I'VE TRIED TO LEARN, AND--

I'VE TAKEN THE CLASSES.

I TRAVELED TO MEXICO.

I TRIED THE POPULAR PROGRAMS--

THE ROSETTA STONE, THE PIMSLEUR,

THE JOSE CUERVO.

[laughter]

THE THING--JOSE CUERVO, YOU LEARN A LITTLE SPANISH,

BUT THEN WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,

YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT.

THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH IT.

[cheers and applause]

WHO ARE YOU?

HAVE YOU TRIED THE ROSETTA STONE?

ANYBODY? - YEP.

- YEAH, THE PROBLEM--

HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH THE ROSETTA STONE.

YOU HAVE TO PUT "HOURS" OF WORK INTO IT,

AND I'M LIKE, "UH-UH, I DON'T HAVE TIME."

IF THERE'S FIVE-MINUTE ABS,

WHY CAN'T THERE BE SIX-MINUTE SPANISH?

THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.

YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE THAT ARE STARTING TO LEARN SPANISH,

THEY ALL LEARN THE SAME PHRASE:

"YO NO HABLO ESPAÑOL,"

WHICH MEANS "I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH."

WHAT'S THE POINT OF LEARNING THAT?

I MEAN, YOU COULD JUST GO, "AH-UH-MM"...

[mouthing words]

OR "SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOO,"

AND, YOU KNOW,

PEOPLE WILL FIGURE IT OUT.

THEY SAY THAT THE BEST WAY TO LEARN SPANISH

IS TO FIND A NATIVE SPEAKER AND PRACTICE WITH THEM.

SO LUCKILY, SOFIA VERGARA IS HERE TODAY.

[cheers and applause]

SO MAYBE SHE CAN TEACH ME A LITTLE SPANISH,

AND IN EXCHANGE, I'LL TEACH HER SOME ENGLISH,

WHICH IS GREAT.

[laughter]

IN THE MEANTIME, I DECIDED TO HIRE

ONE OF THE STARS OF MY FAVORITE TELENOVELA

ON TELEMUNDO TO TEACH ME SPANISH.

PLEASE WELCOME EUGENIO.

EUGENIO.

[cheers and applause]

HI.

HOW ARE YOU?

- HOLA, ELLEN.

[cheers and applause]

- NOW, THAT-- LOOK HOW GOOD--

YOU SAID, "HOLA, ELLEN,"

AND I KNOW THAT MEANS "HI, ELLEN."

- OF COURSE. MUY BIEN.

- YEAH, OH, AND THAT MEANS

"ELLEN IS VERY BEAUTIFUL."

GRACIAS.

GRACIAS. - DE NADA.

- REMIND ME HOW TO SAY YOUR NAME EXACTLY--THE WHOLE NAME.

- AYU-HEN-YO.

- AYO-GHEN-YO. AY-GHO.

- AYU-HEN-YO. - AY-GHO-HEY.

- YO. - AY-U-YO.

- [laughs] - AYO--AY--

- AYU-HEN-YO.

- AYU-HEN-YO. - THAT'S IT.

OKAY, YEAH. EH-U-HEN-YO.

AND YOU'RE THE STAR-- ONE OF THE STARS OF--

THE SHOW IS CALLED...

- "REINA DE CORAZONES," WHICH MEANS "QUEEN OF HEARTS."

- QUEEN OF HEARTS. I KNOW THAT PART.

BUT THE-- SAY IT AGAIN?

- REINA... - REINA...

- DE... - DE...

- CORAZONES. - CORZONES.

- "REINA DE CORAZONES." - [mumbling]

WE'LL SAY IT TOGETHER.

both: "REINA DE CORAZONES."

- YEAH. - YEAH.

[cheers and applause]

THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.

- THANK YOU.

WELL, I'VE MASTERED THAT SO FAR.

SO WHAT ELSE CAN YOU TEACH ME?

- UM, I'LL TEACH YOU WHAT TO SAY

WHEN YOU GO OUT FOR DRINKS?

- AH, PERFECTO. OKAY.

- YOU CAN SAY-- WITH YOUR TEQUILA--

- UH-HUH.

- ARRIBA, ABAJO, AL CENTRO, Y PA' DENTRO.

[laughter] YES?

- NO, THAT MEANS THERE'S A FAST BANJO

IN THE CENTER OF MY PASTA.

I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

WHAT IS IT? - ARRIBA.

- ARRIBA. - ABAJO.

- AH-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[laughter]

- ARRIBA. - UH-HUH.

- ABAJO. - UH-HUH.

- AL CENTRO. - UH-HUH.

- Y PA' DENTRO. - ALL RIGHT.

[laughter and applause]

- I LOVE YOU.

- ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRUST YOU ON THAT.

I'M GONNA GO HOME AND LOOK THAT UP.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO.

- OKAY. [laughs]

- ONE MORE THING I NEED YOU TO TEACH ME IS,

HOW DO YOU SAY, "IT'S TIME TO DANCE"?

- ES LA HORA DE BAILAR!

- BAILAR!