[squeaking]

[game playing on tv]

That's a honey of a tree, clark.

Is it real?

Yeah. Dug it out of the ground myself.

Is that a fact?

Hey, get out of there! Stop it! No!

Don't worry.

A little tree water ain't going to hurt him.

Before we left,

He drank a half a quart of pennzoil.

Boy, when he lifted his leg the next morning--whoa!

Eddie, if he drinks the water out of there,

The tree's gonna dry up. Come on, out of there.

Snot. Out. Out.

You get out of there. Get in the kitchen now.

Get in the kitchen and get something to eat.

Go on. He's cute, ain't he?

Only problem is, he's got a little bit

Of mississippi leg hound in him.

If the mood catches him right,

He'll grab your leg and just go to town.

You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants,

If you know what I mean.

A word of warning, though,

If he does lay into you,

It's best to just let him finish. Tsk.

I just can't believe

You're actually standing here in my living room, eddie.

Never thought the day would come.

Yeah, I'm excited about it, too.

It's a crying shame

The older kids couldn't make it.

I'll get that. Don't worry about it.

Let me do it.

Yeah. I got the daughter in the clinic,

Getting cured off the wild turkey.

And the older boy, bless his soul,

Is preparing for his career.

College? Carnival.

You got to be proud.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, last season,

He was a pixie dust spreader on the tilt-a-whirl.

He thinks that maybe next year,

He'll be guessing people's weight

Or barking for the yak woman.

No. You ever see her?

She's got these big horns

Growing right out above her ears,

And she's ugly as sin.